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DP is moaning about lack of 'us' time after 2nd baby

(8 Posts)
RFCMummy Wed 08-Aug-07 19:48:26

Ok so DD1 is 18 months and DD2 is 11 weeks. I am at home with them all day, DD2 gets me up at 4.30 am every day when my day starts. I do all the housework, cooking, childcare etc. Don't get much of an evening with DP as have to go to bed about 9pm but this wont be forever and she will sleep longer at some point. I feel I have been trying really hard to spread my time evenly among the family and the only one that doesn't get any me time is me!! I have been managing to have s*x with DP at least twice a week which I don't think is bad. All he does though is go on about lack of sex.

This evening I told him how tired I was and then he started talking about how he feels and I looked away as DD1 was kissing DD2 and he went into one about how excluded he feels. Then I went to change DD2 and asked him to call DD1 off the changing mat and he refused just to make a point about not being part of the family. How f*cking pathetic.

Sorry this is so long, needed to get it off my chest! any comments / advice welcome. thanks

MaloryTowersHasManners Wed 08-Aug-07 19:51:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulumama Wed 08-Aug-07 19:52:50

twice a week with a newborn and toddler, when you must be knackerd is blardy brilliant !

he is being terribly immature and self centred

does he spend much time with the children on his own, so he gets a taste for how exhausting and all consuming it is?

hermykne Wed 08-Aug-07 19:53:33

11wks and youre having twice a week! it was 4mths before we got it sort on track

moondog Wed 08-Aug-07 19:54:06

What a twat.
How old is he?
(Not that this generally makes any difference)

RubySlippers Wed 08-Aug-07 19:55:22

erm think he needs to get a grip!
sex twice per week - you deserve a medal
yes, you are both tired but he doesn't get dibs on being the most tired simply because he works out of the house

HenriettaHippo Wed 08-Aug-07 20:00:14

Have to agree with MaloryTowers - twice a week when your baby is 11 weeks old is AMAZING. DH didn't get ANY until DS2 was quite a few weeks (months older than that...

Having said that, I think it can be quite common for the father to feel a little left out when a baby comes along (and you have got 2 who are v. young). Does DH have any responsibilities that are his alone, e.g. bathtime/special playtime when he gets home, or on Saturday morning? Does he spend 'special' time with DD1 like putting her to bed every night while you feed DD2? Perhaps he just needs to feel needed a bit more, and not just in terms of sex. If you're bf, maybe you could express for DD2 so he can do a feed every evening or something. Those are all the rather cliched "daddy jobs", but I think the point is good - and as mothers we need to make sure we let our other halves get on with whatever tasks are theirs, in their own way, without us saying "oh I'd do it like this".

Have to say, DH and I often fall into that trap of competing to be more tired than eachother - it's pretty pointless, and counterproductive. Could you both sit down in the hour or so you've got before you need to go to bed, and just have a glass of wine together and a chat about your days?

Hope it gets better soon... <<hugs>>

RFCMummy Thu 09-Aug-07 06:43:28

thanks everyone for your support I feel much better now!!

He also apologised last night and I know that he realised how childish he was being although he was too proud to admit it!!

I was exclusively BF but have now introduced some bottles so that he can do some feeds.

He doesn't really have any time alone with the children but that's because he tends to spend the weekends doing DIY and home maintenance or little jobs that I want done like putting up pictures! So I can't complein really as he isn't sitting on his backside!

We are going to a wedding on Saturday and getting a babysitter in the evening so hopefully it will be a chance for us both to let our hair down together.

Thanks again girls xx

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