My perfect single life make me want to die

[Broken2019]

I don’t know if I can put into words how I feel. I’ve always wanted a family and to be married. Not in a fairytale way at all...I’ve just wanted a family and all the challenges and love and sleepless nights and so on that it involves.

I’m at work sat in a meeting room feeling like there is literally no point to my life. I’m earning decent money, lots spare at the end of the month and for what? I’ve done the singles holidays, I’ve done the buying designer clothes on a whim, I’ve done the appreciation of quiet nights to myself with no responsibilities. I’ve done volunteering because I have spare time. I’ve done exactly what I fucking want for what feels like forever. Selfishly, I don’t WANT to volunteer. In a bratty way I don’t WANT more holidays and child free spontaneous trips. I’m sick of it all. I find no joy in any of it because I’ve done it, over and over, for years.

I see people around me on their second move with their other half...moving out to the country, or to a bigger place with a garden. Talking about paint samples and wallpaper. I know that sounds silly but I do all those things alone and it’s shit.

I have dated, a lot. Been dating for well over a year now. Lots of nice people, nobody I was interested in. I have literally never been bothered about any of them wanting a second date. They all have wanted to meet again which probably makes me the problem and makes me feel even more than I’m destined for a life of loneliness like this.

I am dreading my birthday on Monday, really really dreading it. Once again I will be sat with my lovely parents (who I adore!) and with my sibling as his lovely other half who are on the cusp of marriage. I don’t want to wake up on my own again on my birthday. I want to wake up to the chaos of a family and kids who don’t care it’s my birthday and just want to be entertained. I’m not looking at this in an idealistic way...I’m fully aware of the really really shit parts to parenting too.

I have totally had enough. I worked hard in a career and for what? To live a life alone. I’m getting older now and less people will even be interested in me. Even if I met someone now I think I would always feel we had missed a big chunk of our life together. For the first time ever I’ve started to think I’d rather just not be here than have to be the odd one out forever. What does the future hold? Just sitting in meeting rooms at work in my designer clothes, commuting home to my perfect house with nobody in it and in between trying to fill the gap with the stuff I have done for years and am totally sick of? I just don’t want to do any of it anymore.

[Broken2019]

I don’t know what I’m asking really. Maybe if anyone else has ever felt like this.

[RickOShay]

Why do you never want a second date?
Are you afraid? Have you been in a long term relationship?

[RNBrie]

I know this gets said a lot, but I'd spend some time and money on counselling. You've met lots of nice people but don't fancy any of them, it sounds to me like something is stopping you from making any sort of connection with them. I know my romantic relationships improved dramatically when I understood myself and my reactions to situations better and i did this with the support of an excellent counsellor.

[Reindeerssmellbetter]

Do you think you're maybe being a bit too fussy with the men you have dated?

[Radyward]

I hear you.i wandered for most of my twenties. Then I sort of had a meltdown one night out with friends who suggested psychotherapy. It absolutely changed my life ( in my case I had a poor view of men from childhood ) would you go for a few session s ? It really does clear head space and to see things clearer. Also are you just bored with life ? Not being flippant. You have absolutely nothing to lose with therapy .

[sofato5miles]

Oh you poor thing! I get it. I remember having a time like this in my 20s. It was awful, I was so sad.

However, life can and does change!

What active steps can you take for your dating life? I have just come out of a marriage and, honestly, have found so much interest by just putting myself out there. A couple of OLD Apps etc. Some fucking weirdos out there but also some nice men too

[Loopytiles]

What age are you?

It does seem unusual never to want a second date, unless all the dates are online ones.

[Parent999]

1.Take one Peppa pig yogurt and spill it on the back seat of your fancy car.

1. Buy anything expensive and then break it immediately with a football.
2. Stay up all night before going to work.
3. Ensure a jam stain on work clothes.
4. Try to have sex but then stop because someone in the next room has "too much air" in their room.
5. Throw your money out the window.

Then come back and post again, we'll chat

[Broken2019]

I don’t feel like there was anything wrong with my childhood aside from some emotional neglect which I have addressed with a counsellor in the past. Would that sort of thing stop me making a connection? Also how does that fit with the fact I have had two serious relationships in the past, one where I lived with someone? I would definitely give it another go if there was a link.

[Broken2019]

parent it is easy to say that when you have a child...

[Broken2019]

I’m 35 on Monday

[NameChange84]

Oh my goodness, you’ve just described my life. I’m 35 and honestly feel there is no point anymore. I have an attachment disorder (fearful avoidant) and huge self esteem problems. Counselling only got me so far but it’s clear my problems are from a horrendous childhood.

What was your parents marriage like? What did you learn about love and yourself growing up?

[Alwaysgrey]

Do you want my life? I’m happy to loan it to you. Three kids, two with disabilities. They’re all lovely kids though I really need a bloody break.

If I were you I’d take the second dates. If you’re looking for fairy tale amazing all encompassing love like on TV not everyone gets that. Some people don’t come over well on first dates as they’re nervous. And maybe you’re looking to skip to the end game without all the bits inbetween.

[Ellapaella]

At 35 you still have time. Would you consider being a parent on your own?

[Broken2019]

I never want a second date because I’m either not massively attracted to them or they become boring (in my eyes) by the end of the evening. There doesn’t seem to be further scope for conversation I guess. I don’t know, maybe I should try and push through that

[Redandyellow72]

@Parent999 what a patronising post.

Op, why do you never want a second date? Maybe look at addressing that you say you don't want the fairy tale but the fact you never have a second date may suggest you are looking for an obtainable perfection

[ukgift2016]

Why have you not been bothered to have a second date with any of the men you have met?

The only obstacle here is yourself.

[Satchell]

This also gets said a lot, but if it's a child you want you don't necessarily need a man? Would you go it alone via sperm donor or adoption?

[Broken2019]

namechange my parents have a great marriage.

As a child I was left alone emotionally and sometimes physically left alone. I had huge jealously with one of my siblings as she was very talented in all areas. I’m over that now as an adult but it felt shit as a child. Do these things seem like links? I don’t see it.

[VolcanionSteamArtillery]

I would think it odd if you genuinely wanted to partner up you dont accept any second date offers.

Why is that? Id start my thinking there

[roisinagusniamh]

That's unhelpful Parent.
I don't think thats's what OP is talking about. We all know parenting is difficult, especially when the children are young. But as they grow and you develop as a family it is very rewarding.
You sound more disgruntled than the OP!

[velocitygirl7]

@Parent999 that is a truly hideous post. It's the sort of smug shit my poor friend had to deal with during a decade of infertility hell.
The op has clearly stated that she's lonely and is desperate for family life, in all its gritty reality.
You've basically described what she wants. And you know it.

[NameChange84]

Emotional Neglect is huge. You basically get the message that you and your emotions don’t matter. So you switch them off. Jonice Webb has a brilliant website about Childhood Emotional Neglect. It my counsellors eyes emotional neglects was more damaging than the physical abuse I went through. Don’t underestimate the impact it can have.

Have you ever heard the saying “You accept the love you deserve?”. What do you deserve?

[ukgift2016]

never want a second date they become boring (in my eyes) by the end of the evening.

These men have just met you. They don't know you and may be nervous. First date conversation is just feeling each other out and to see if the attraction is there.

You will never meet anyone with an attitude like that.

[DuesToTheDirt]

Give the second dates a go. I knew my husband from work for 6 months before we dated - he was interested in me, I wasn't interested in him. One night on a group night out I had a few drinks and some kisses, the next day I felt I'd made a mistake. We've now been married for 25 years!