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Dp just doesn't seem to care about me

(7 Posts)
auntysocial Sat 04-Aug-07 15:04:18

I don't know if I'm just feeling sorry for myself and/or expecting to much but my DP just doesn't seem to care about me at all.

I suffer greatly with tension headaches and today I have had a thumping migraine all day...not once has he asked me if I'm ok, offered to make me a drink or anything else and has had crappy dance music blasting out of the car all day.

I'm also suffering terribly with back problems lately, my aunt was suffering the same and ended up havinga breast reduction to sort it, I mentioned having the same and he was so unsupportive of it, snapped "why do you keep going on about that?" and then said I wouldn't need a reduction as they're not big enough...not once has he shown concern about my back, no offer of massage or anything.

And then there was the job interview thing that I mentioned on here last week (I had a job interview, DP knew about it and never mentioned it at all from finding out I had one throughout the week leading up to it. I had the interview with no wishes of good luck or anything, afterwards no questions about "How did it go" or anything like that, turns out he had forgotten )

So am I over reacting and expecting too much? I've never had a caring man so I'm wondering if they actually exist.

LyraBelacqua Sat 04-Aug-07 15:07:11

They do exist and yours doesn't sound like one of them, sadly.
Sorry i've got no practical advice to offer but i do sympathise.

CarGirl Sat 04-Aug-07 15:07:43

don't know about your dp but an osteopath could help with your bad headaches & back pain and could probably tell you if it is mainly your norks causing the probelm.

elasticsortinghandstand Sat 04-Aug-07 15:25:54

why not try listing his good points.
you havent been with him veyr long i gather so there should be some good points. some reason that you are together?
i try and do that for my dh..

eyesfront Sat 04-Aug-07 15:27:47

don't be a martyr. If it doesn't come naturally to him to show concern then you are going to have to be very clear with him that if you don't get some then there will be consequences. suffering in silence won't change him, and nor will telling us lot (although you will get sympathy from us!)

stillcryinginside Sat 04-Aug-07 17:11:16

Not all men have a naturally caring nature but some do.

I don't know your situation or how long you've been together so can't comment on that - generally when a relationship is in it's early stages men do tend to be very caring and considerate this can but not always fades over time when new bonds have formed.

He could well have forgotten the interview so don't be too harsh on him for that, men don't always tune in to whats important to us

I remember a few yrs ago whilst trying to lose weight, I'd visit the weigh in each each and dh would hardly ever ask how i'd done I don't think it was he didn't care, just that it wasn't an issue to him. I think we all need approval at times but that approval needs to come from ourselves not others.

You mention about your migraine and back pain - it could be that his bedside manner's not up to much and he doesn't know how to deal with it ? are you a grumpy patient ? maybe he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing and it will cause a row or you'll get upset with him so he stays out of the way. You may need to discuss this with him.

Is he caring in other ways at other times ? if he is then your half way there and just need to talk and perhaps explain things to him so he understands, men and women don't think alike unfortunately. If not, then I would say there is an issue, as said earlier, right a list of his good & bad points, only you know if he's really a nice person or not and if you want to spend the rest of your life with him with or without his faults. What you do about it is another thing entirely.

belgo Sat 04-Aug-07 17:16:58

with some men you have to tell them to ask how you are, you have to tell them to wish you good luck for an interview. Some men just don't notice these things. It doesn't mean that they don't care, it just means that they don't express it.

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