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AIBU - sister in law staying over

(22 Posts)
cucash Wed 14-Aug-19 06:26:16

we live in a small apartment, and we dont have much furniture because long story short it was an empty apartment when we moved in we were newlyweds and also both fresh out of uni so didnt have much money! Then we found out we were pregnant and although we have the basic furniture for us we by no means have a guest room or the capacity to host a guest in my opinion.

My sister in law has been asking to come visit and sleep over for months now. She lives 3 hours away I'm happy to have her visit but feel stressed at the idea of her sleeping over since it would just be a hassle and I dont see where she would sleep short of staying on the floor in our living room!!!! I have explained this to her and told her to get a hotel.

This has caused many arguments between me and my husband because he dosent see why she cant sleep on the floor for a night. I dont think it's right its imposing on our space and whenever my family visit they get a hotel. It's not like my sister in law is poor or broke she earns a very good living as a banker in london !

She has stayed over once and booked a hotel but complained about it alot. Anyway. I'm away staying with my parents for the week and she wants to come visit her brother (my husband) and sleep over. AiBU ?! I still feel like my point stands and if she sleeps over once she always will do it and be visiting us regularly on weekends. I just feel like because I'm not there she wants to come and prove a point aibu???

allthegins Wed 14-Aug-19 06:32:46

You won’t be there so why would it bother you where she sleeps? Would you be happy if you’re DH said your family weren’t to visit you when he wasn’t there? I’d say it was very controlling.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax Wed 14-Aug-19 06:37:19

YABU her being uncomfortable isn’t really your problem especially in your absence. You sound as though you’re trying to refuse your partners right to have guests which does appear as controlling, take a step back and shrug at this one.

TulipsTulipsTulips Wed 14-Aug-19 06:42:01

YABU unless she is a terrible person or there is something else going on here. It’s a good thing that she wants to stay and spend time with her brother. She is family too.

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod Wed 14-Aug-19 06:42:26

Yabu for saying we are pregnant. Only one of you could be pregnant
Agree with above. You are not there and if he wants his sister to stay I can't see the problem

user1493413286 Wed 14-Aug-19 06:42:47

I think you’re being a bit rude to be honest; if she’s happy to sleep on the floor I’d let her. She’s family after all and can’t visit for the day so it’s a bit much to expect her to spend £100 on a hotel every time she wants to visit when she’s ok with sleeping on the floor.

Cosyjimjamsforautumn Wed 14-Aug-19 06:49:43

YABU. Pregnancy hormones?
You wont be there anyway.

redcarbluecar Wed 14-Aug-19 06:51:26

If it’s just one night and she’s happy to sleep on the floor (particularly if you’re not there), I don’t see the problem, but from what you’ve said she doesn’t sound very welcome, and as the SIL in this scenario, having travelled 300 miles, I’d feel uncomfortable with that. It sounds like there’s a bit more to this- have you had conflict with her before?

Robin2323 Wed 14-Aug-19 06:51:44

I can of get this.
It is your personal space so sounds like you'd all be on top of each other.
I'm happy for people to stay here but since the kids moved out with have the space.

Maybe let her do it this time and she might not be so keen again?

Theducksarenotmyfriends Wed 14-Aug-19 06:52:36

Yabu. You really begrudge her staying just one night on the floor? She's family and she's happy to stay on the floor, seems a bit mean to not allow it. We've family staying on our living room floor for a week at the moment (they don't mind, even though our toddler wakes them at 5am....)

cucash Wed 14-Aug-19 06:54:08

I guess because his side of the family gave me such a hard time when we were trying to get married but now they act like nothing happened and have never appologiesed for it so it bothers me. Some of them even refused to show up to the wedding.

I guess she annoys me because I once had to foot her hotel bill when she came to my brothers wedding as she said she didnt have any money only to find out later she had money in her savings but didnt want to use it! Until this day she dosent see what she did as wrong...

You're right IABU . Il let this one go I'm not there anyway I think she just grates on my skin for other reasons too. At least I'm not there to be annoyed by her.

butterflyFed Wed 14-Aug-19 06:57:20

You don't say anything about a bad relationship with your SIL so I can't really understand your position. I have invited my ex-MIL to visit (we are not close, just for the kids!) and offered her my bed. I am sleeping on a mattress on the floor under my DC's bunk bed... I don't have a partner though, but if my sister was visiting I/she would buy an air mattress for the price of a one night at a hotel.

On the second scenario when you are not even home... hmm YABVU.

prawnsword Wed 14-Aug-19 06:57:35

Unless am missing something here, can’t she sleep on the couch ?

Abillity2019 Wed 14-Aug-19 06:57:52

You’re asking the wrong AIBU then aren’t you. You’re annoyed about your in-laws interfering in your marriage and sponging off you. Her staying over is just a symptom of the above.

Longtalljosie Wed 14-Aug-19 06:58:53

I was about to say, why are you being such a cow? But your update makes it plain why. Look - while you’re out of the flat you can’t tell your husband he can’t host his sister. That’s insanely controlling. And if your unhappiness at his family’s past behaviour is affecting your judgement you need to be open about that or risk doing your in-laws job of making you look bad for them.

Kungfupanda67 Wed 14-Aug-19 06:58:59

Some people are so uptight it’s crazy - so what you don’t have room, she’s not moving in! We had Christmas at our house last year, 3 bedroom house and we had me, husband, our 3 kids, mil, fil, plus teenage sil and her boyfriend. In-laws had my bed, sil and her boyfriend were on the floor in the kids bedroom, me and my husband were on the living room floor. And they all live locally - they stayed so we could all have a drink. It’s only one night, sleeping on the floor for one night never hurt anyone

butterflyFed Wed 14-Aug-19 06:58:59

Sorry, x-posted. I see there is a background, but you are not home, don't even sweat it this time.

fedup21 Wed 14-Aug-19 07:01:16

I’m confused-why did you SIL come to your brothers wedding if you don’t get on with your in laws and why would you pay for a hotel room for her?

PositiveVibez Wed 14-Aug-19 07:03:16

Sounds like you were young when you married. I doubt it was anything personal regarding the wedding. They were probably concerned that their son was getting married so young - as would I be, but they have now got past it, so you need to also for your husband and future child's sake.

When you say you had to foot the bill for sil at your brothers wedding, why did your husband not pay for her? Or do you mean it came out of joint money? I don't get that.

Anyway, glad you're letting your SIL stay. Sounds rather petulant that you wouldn't. Especially when you aren't even there.

mindutopia Wed 14-Aug-19 07:03:26

It’s annoying. I hate having house guests. But for family and close friends, as long as the frequency is within reason, you suck it up for your partner and support him.

I truly dread people coming to stay, because even though I make my dh do a lot of the prep work, it is a lot more work for me - more food prep and cooking (otherwise I’d have to entertain them instead and I’d rather hide in the kitchen- just prefer to hide in the kitchen with less work to do), kids that are hard to get to bed, later nights when I really need to sleep, etc. But it’s a handful of times a year so you just smile and get on with it.

We have no guest room either (well, we have a spare room but it’s filled with stuff and can’t fit a bed). They can sleep on a sleeping mat in the lounge with the understanding that they’ll be up at 6am with noisy children running around. If that isn’t suitable, there’s a hotel nearby.

Ohyesiam Wed 14-Aug-19 07:04:52

Drip drip drip

starfish2385 Wed 14-Aug-19 07:43:43

I think it's fair to say that you don't want people staying over when you're there as you need your own space and it's not set up for guests.

If you're not there then you won't be bothered by it so she can have a horribly uncomfortable night sleeping on the floor.

When you're back home the reason for her not staying over will once again be valid so she won't be staying over.

I do think you need have a chat with your DH though about his family's treatment of you. Set your boundaries before the baby is born and make sure you and your DH are on the same page.

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