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After all this, does it look like there isn’t a right one for me? So sad(6 Posts)
I’ve been dating for a couple of years now and still haven’t found anyone. Everyone I have met has wanted to meet me again and in some cases I have done that, but I’ve never met someone I was really excited about and wanted a relationship with.
I’m feeling so low about it now I’ve hit my mid thirties. My life is pretty sorted apart from someone to share it with. I have moments where I feel like my heart is breaking because I want a family and husband so much. I wouldn’t want a family alone, I want to do it with someone (I realise there are no guarantees even when with someone to have a family).
I’m not someone who doesn’t get out there and meet people. Even when I’m sad I still have my own interests and my own life. But I’m so sad. How do I deal with this?
Hi there. I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling sad. Out the men you have dated, what have they not had that’s meant it hasn’t worked out? Are you using dating sites? I met my partner on e-harmony and I was so surprised how well matched we are. It really did work for me. You say everything else is going well? Is that in your career etc? Do you have any passions you can focus on until you meet someone. Someone you really like is likely to come along when you least expect it. If you take the pressure off yourself then you’ll feel so much happier and will be more ready to find someone special. I’m 35 and was in a relationship for ten years that ended suddenly. I felt like I didn’t have time to find someone else and has wasted my life. You’re still so young so don’t worry x
I’m in the same position. And I’ve seen many many posts telling the same story here on Mumsnet. You’re not alone
Hi OP, you really are not alone although it may feel like it. Just because most of your friends/aquaintances are in relationships, doesn't mean there aren't thousands of others who are not.
Sadly it just doesn't happen for some people in their 20s. Some people find someone in their 20s but then find themselves single again over 40 (me!).
I also see people who have been together years and are miserable but just 'plod along'.
No-one is in the perfect situation.
I don't have a miracle solution for you because there isn't one.
Have you been using OLD? The fact that you're getting dates is a positive thing though. Sadly you have to wade through all the duds first before you find one that is right.
It's a possibility that you are choosing a certain type of man to date because of something in your past you are totally unaware of. Perhaps unconsciously you are choosing people that are distant/ unavailable / dull, etc. I used to choose distant men who were volatile and it took some counselling to work out that I was basically choosing men like my Dad over and over again, who I dislike. This may not be the case for you, but is it worth talking to someone like a counsellor or life coach about this? They may be able to see the patterns that you can''t.
Also, there may not be an instant spark when you meet someone. You could be friends with someone or see someone a lot in the office that you have no feelings for, then one day they do something that makes you view them in a different light....
I agree with Crappyday that you have to wade through the duds. I waded through loads. Don't give up.
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