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I don't find my husband attractive

(129 Posts)
mummydown Tue 13-Aug-19 19:33:29

I feel terrible enough for saying this out loud so please don't bash me.

I no longer find my husband attractive. I can't exactly remember when this occurred or why (well other than the fact he has put on a considerable amount of weight over the years). The problem is, is that if I loved him I wouldn't mind, but I'm not in love with him anymore. I love him more like a best friend but sex is a important to me and it's getting me down.

I feel myself looking and longing for other men, which is never good. I have told my OH how I feel so many times and he ignores me. I finally managed to get through to him last week and he was/is devastated (as you can imagine). However he has said he will make an effort with how he looks but I am worried that won't be enough. We have been together for a long time, we have a young child and we have recently moved into a new home. So to leave now would be very difficult in all ways.

We are going to see a counsellor soon so perhaps they will be able to help? I just don't know what to do. I can't work out why I feel like this because he's such a lovely man, great dad and husband but it just doesn't seem to be enough. Can you even have it all? Can you have a fabulous husband and father to your child and want to f**k their brains out?

Please tell me I'm not the only one in this situation?

itsabootyhole Thu 15-Aug-19 14:54:01

I get you. Dp is 8 years younger than me and when we met him we were all over each other, and I fancied him loads. 8 years down the line and 2 kids later and although I stayed the same weight as when we met dp put 4 stone on and I didn't fancy him anymore and couldn't bring myself to kiss him let alone have sex with him. Then my youngest started sleeping through the night and dp started the gym and has now lost 3 stone, he's back to looking after himself and his appearance and I'm back to fancying him and we're having tonnes of sex blush I think it's a combination of my hormones getting back to normal and him finally looking hot again. Could that be what's going on with you?

mummydown Thu 15-Aug-19 15:09:15

@RantyAnty That's what I have said to him, do it for yourself or find the reasons why he isn't wanting to look after himself. Yes crazy hours up at 4.30am and home by 9.30-10pm but no way of cutting back. Can't afford the gym but he used to run and is starting that again and I'm going to start cycling and walking the dogs more (just hard when I also have my daughter with me at the same time)

mummydown Thu 15-Aug-19 15:11:57

@itsabootyhole It was before my daughter was even born, I think he was content and thought "fuck it I don't need to try now". I want to have sex, tonnes of it, just not with him so it's not a hormonal thing on my part. He said he will lose weight so I will give him some time to do so. I haven't noticed any difference yet with him and his weight but I have with my own. I have lost 10lbs in 4 weeks

Stegasaurusmum Sun 01-Mar-20 13:15:54

@mummydown just wondering if you have an update... How did things go? I found your thread whilst thinking about my own situation where I've lost the attraction for DH.. He's not changed though, it's me.

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