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Giving up Dating

(291 Posts)
joanietaylor Tue 13-Aug-19 17:46:53


Although only 37 i have completely given up ever meeting anyone for a long term relationship as i never seem to meet anyone i click with or fancy sexually. Just think i am not meant to meet anyone.

Absolutely fed up beyond belief with internet dating and wish it had never been invented. I used to have luck with it in my 20's but these days very few people seem genuine and actually want to meet up in real life. They either have awful personalities, high maintenance or there is no chemistry.

Luckily i enjoy my own company and happy in my own skin but i do miss regular sex.

Anyone else relate?

CheckingOutTheQuantocks Tue 20-Aug-19 10:01:06

Shatner I told that poster what I thought of that attitude several pages ago. It wasn't remotely in the spirit of the thread. I agree that OLD is crap for everyone but the tone seems to be drifting away from sharing experiences and towards debating who has it worse. I was just saying I didn't think that was very helpful in the context of this discussion. NB - I can't imagine any of the early suffragettes talking about scrotum stamping!

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower Tue 20-Aug-19 10:01:18

"I encountered women who turned the conversation towards sex very, very swiftly or sent topless photos which surprised me"

I suspect the women doing that are doing so because they've internalised that behaviour as an expectation.

They want to appear cool or sexually confident or not to have any hang ups - possibly because they've been criticised in those areas before.

I think that even when the behaviours look similar, it's worth remembering that the motivations for men and women are often quite different.

I have often described OLD as a giant 'pick me dance' and I think this is what these behaviours demonstrate.

NowYouListenToMeFella Tue 20-Aug-19 10:35:04

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower a 'giant pick me dance' is brilliant. I think you've hit the nail on the head there. I'm clearly shite at that sort of dancing and can’t seem myself practicing.

Also agree with you on the leagues thing and how men just see your pics and message without having had a read of your profile.

MeowTseTung Tue 20-Aug-19 10:46:57

NowYou that doesn't surprise me, my problem though was over-reading women's profiles and ruling people out if I didn't precisely meet what they were looking for...

OLD seems to either result in tumbleweed or a bombardment. There seems to be nothing in between...

Itsallpointless Tue 20-Aug-19 10:50:54

I was listening to a man at the weekend describing his experiences with OLD. Now I don't know this guy at all (part of a new group I've joined) but he appears to have had a rough time of it with the women he's encountered. Never really thought women could behave that way, I'm so honestsmileit certainly opened my eyesshock

NowYouListenToMeFella Tue 20-Aug-19 11:12:38

Itsallpointless doesn't sound great for that man. What sort of thing did he experience?

unique1986 Tue 20-Aug-19 12:47:39

I tried a different tactic at the weekend I agreed to meet up with someone for dinner because they happened be near my area I said OK and they booked a restaurant.
With literally shared a few emails sporadically over a week.
Anyway I was quite nervous before meeting him because he was a late.
It was the usual very awkward at first walking down the town but we had a quite a nice time he paid for the food and thank you very much for a nice evening.
But 100-percent I won't be seeing him again I just think it was out of convenience.
It's so hard because you kind of think why am I bothering but I just took it for what it was.
The only thing I did think that it was actually better that we haven't spoken a lot before.
Because I wasn't like disappointed that he seemed different in person or that we didn't click enough because I had didn't really have much to go on.
It was a bit like having dinner with a colleague that you don't know very well.

unique1986 Tue 20-Aug-19 12:50:47

My issue is that obviously I don't think that he felt anything for me but then how could he. He probably wasn't attracted to me but then I wasn't exactly that impressed either.

Should you only meet people that you think you've invested lots of time with or should you just go on blind dates?
I do like to keep it casual I am a casual person so I was a little bit like oh dear he's booked the restaurant but it was quite a mature sensible adult thing to do.

PookieDo Tue 20-Aug-19 13:44:15

I’m only going to bother making the effort if I think there is any shred of common ground and hope, and probably some level of investment.

This is why I have given up, because you reach the point where you do not want to keep having dates for the sake of it. It becomes very time consuming for little benefit

There are pros and cons to each approach, less effort = less disappointment but also less chance of actually meeting someone if you aren’t really bothering. And can make you a bit resentful. People also seem to see you as high maintenance too

fotheringhay Tue 20-Aug-19 15:28:55

The thing you can't get from OLD is that heart-stopping eyes meeting across the room moment, which used to be the start of most relationships.

Today I'm pining for someone I met a few years ago who I had that moment with. We were involved for a bit bit the age gap was just so huge it was unworkable (me being the older one).

But I'm still not tempted to wade back into OLD, I'm just socialising as much as possible instead.

crappyday2018 Tue 20-Aug-19 16:53:30

I do genuinely believe a lot of men (especially the genuine ones) also have it bad. I've chatted with a few men on POF and i always ask how they find it and I've had a few stories!
I also think that many of the women sending 'naughty' pics might genuinely just be looking for sexting/sex - women can do that too!
Its mainly the time-wasters that annoy me. Chatting and then disappearing or cancelling dates with a lie because they have bottled it.
I approached it differently last time and actually replied to guys who seemed quite nice (and normal) but maybe wouldn't be my normal type. I got a few dates out of it (where previously I'd had nothing) but sadly none of them worked out.
I know its soul-destroying but I am attending a wedding next month where they met on POF. Another couple I know who married last year met on Tinder. Its just luck I guess.

Pinkdoor Tue 20-Aug-19 17:03:52

I'm still on a couple of sites and 90per cent of the messages start : 'hi gawjus' or 'hi pretty you look stunning' or one I got two minutes ago 'hellop gorgeoushg h' - I mean, it's not a long sentence to type correctly!

I'm right to just delete all of these aren't I?! So awful

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower Tue 20-Aug-19 17:10:15

The thing you can't get from OLD is that heart-stopping eyes meeting across the room moment, which used to be the start of most relationships

Yes. If I ever have another relationship, I want it to he with someone I've had that moment with.

Or at least with someone I've got chatting with and realised that our entire conversation is an exchange of "yes, me too! And do you...?"

I've never truly loved or been loved and I'm at a point where I think of rather miss out than have to find it by trawling through an online catalogue of men and hoping for the best!

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower Tue 20-Aug-19 17:10:50

*I'd not of

Itsallpointless Tue 20-Aug-19 23:18:39

I've had the heart stopping moment, twice actually. I've loved and been loved, so I consider myself very lucky in those respects, however, the only one I truly wanted didn't want me enough.

My confidence is below ground, therefore I don't even feel attractive enough to date, so I have to get used to being on my own, that is what I'm struggling with.

What makes me feel better, is that I'm not in a relationship which made me deeply unhappy, like my last one.

I had two LTR from POF, they didn't ghost me/send dick pics etc, they just didn't work out. There are some very decent folk OLD (I was one of them) so persevere, I might even cast my own net one daywink

VallarMorghulis Mon 26-Aug-19 18:49:03

@feistymumma is it ok if I PM you? I've joined fabswingers and could do with some advice grin

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