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i wish he'd hit me

(66 Posts)
stophurtingme3 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:56:17

I wish he would hit me, instead of filling my head with these words every minute of every day, why won't he hit me if i'm so 'disgusting' and a 'liar' i don't understand.
I don't know how to react in the best way, how do you react do you argue, defend yourself, cry or just say nothing and take it?
None of the above work it doesn't matter what i do or what i say i never win everything's always my fault.
i don't want this life anymore, but i don't know where to get courage from, my will power left me the minute i threw my 8 stone weight loss down the drain by gaining it all back from this horrible life i'm living this past year.
I used to have anxiety but i don't even think i have it anymore because i don't have time to think about it to make me panic. I would rather be riddled with panic attacks knowing i can fight back than fight this losing battle of trying to help someone's mental health when all they do is target you.

snowbear66 Thu 15-Aug-19 18:46:15

my ex also used to say he was suicidal a lot but has struggled through somehow !!!
It seems a very common tactic with men.
My ex wasn’t abusive but I wasted years on a failing unhappy relationship and it didn’t do either of us any good.
Your partner does sound like a controlling and abusive nutter. I think you need to get out and any guilt you feel will disappear when you have a bit of distance to reflect on what you’ve been through.

Hidingtonothing Thu 15-Aug-19 18:58:38

The main WA number does get very busy OP but they also have local services which are usually easier to get through to. The phone lines may not be 24 hour but you should be able to get someone during the day. If you scroll down this link til you get to 'Search by area or local authority' and enter your town it will give you a list of services and contact numbers www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

chocolatebuttons5 Mon 19-Aug-19 09:51:02

It's me, i had to NC.
I didn't do it sad
He's seeing his psychiatrist this week,
On saturday he self harmed for the first time,
I don't know what i'm doing to be honest i think i must of just lost the plot, i'm really sorry everyone.

dottycat123 Mon 19-Aug-19 10:27:27

I am a mental health nurse. You cannot save your dh, he has to want help and to work with people offering help. The number of people who actually have a mental disorder which prevents them being responsible for their behaviour is tiny. I often get frustrated on here reading about partners who are behaving in a wholly unacceptable way and someone suggests they have a mental health problem, it is offensive to those who are truly experiencing poor mental health. Find out what his diagnosis is, if he has a psychosis then he needs to accept treatment and may improve(that doesn't mean you should stay). I suspect he will have an emotionally unstable personality disorder in which case I would definitely leave as he has shown how this disorder manifests itself in him. You are entitled to a life free from this existence of walking on eggshells as he abuses you.

MzHz Mon 19-Aug-19 10:41:37

Do not blame yourself

He’s seeing his psychiatrist- good

You’re not able to help him, his self harm is his issue AND probably only to manipulate you!

Get free. Leave him

chocolatebuttons5 Thu 22-Aug-19 10:13:11

I still haven't sad
The psychiatrist basically said he has traits of many personality disorders.
He was just going to offer therapy but said if he insists on tablets he will give him some antipsychotic medication to try.

MarianaMoatedGrange Thu 22-Aug-19 10:34:05

YOU ARE STILL ALLOWED TO LEAVE.

HE needs to sort his issues out with professionals. He's taken a step - good for him, but it doesn't mean you have to stay. In fact you shouldn't. You deserve a life and you currently aren't having one.

There is no magic cure for personality disorders. You cannot help him, you can only help yourself by being free.

DowntonCrabby Thu 22-Aug-19 10:39:04

You still need to leave, for you.

flowersflowersflowers

MzHz Thu 22-Aug-19 10:58:34

You need to leave to give him the space to work on himself and it will allow you to gain perspective and strength in your own right

Then and only then will you be able to see what the right move is for YOU.

It’s time to be selfish - it’s a good thing - be your best friend

Bananalanacake Thu 22-Aug-19 11:03:04

I don't think it's selfish at all to leave. you need to give him space to sort himself out.

MzHz Thu 22-Aug-19 11:10:58

Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that op was being selfish per se in leaving, merely trying to encourage her to put herself first in this.

We can’t fix others, especially those who don’t want to be fixed.

Nagsnovalballs Thu 22-Aug-19 11:14:07

Let him kill himself and improve the world by getting rid of a nasty abuser. He won’t kill himself, he’s using that to control you, but you could give yourself permission to leave by comforting yourself with the idea that if he does kill himself then the world will be a better one.

Amberheartkitty Thu 22-Aug-19 12:19:45

My ex threatened to kill himself as a form of control. He promised to go to anger management and seek professional help. It all amounted to nothing. He never did any of those things.
The last time he contacted me to tell me goodbye he was killing himself I didn’t bother to reply. He’s still alive and still abusing women.

CobraGoose Thu 22-Aug-19 13:27:16

I left my ex, he was drunk and saying he was going to kill himself. Walked out and didn’t go back.

I hear he is still alive and well. He had done it before and I’d stayed.

If he had done it? Not my problem.

If he isn’t currently in a relationship then he will be out there looking for someone vulnerable to attach himself to. Then, after the honeymoon period, he will behave in the same way with them.

Someone told me that men like this are unlikely to commit suicide - they are so self centred they have a strong survival instinct and will soon find another woman to leech on to.

And if someone really means it? They will do it anyway, whether you stay with them or not. You do not “make” someone suicidal, and “cure” it by agreeing to stay with them. That is not real.

MO2x Thu 22-Aug-19 13:39:18

I think you should contact a women's refuge. They will fully support you and help you see things clear and for what they are. You shouldn't be having these thoughts of it's easier if he hits me etc. You should just be happy!!! Life is to short to be unhappy. Please go get help from them. They helped me and they protect you and help every step of the way xx

MO2x Thu 22-Aug-19 13:41:58

Just read about the killing himself thing. My ex used to do that. In the end I offered to buy him the rope and help him tie it to a tree. That soon stopped. He will give up you've just got realise in your own head how much you are worth it woman!! Get a pen and paper and sit yourself down one morning with a coffee and write down 10 reasons why your better then him. Leave it in your pocket somewhere secret an read it every chance you get. You will get their !!!! X

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