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Sex issue (sorry, TMI alert)

(89 Posts)
CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:43:25

Hi all,

Apologies in advance for potentially graphic post.

I've posted before about a long anticipated night with friend of many years... well it happened, we DTD.

Everything was going really well, but I noticed he would get into a rhythm and then keep stopping again and again. I wondered if he was just pacing himself so he didn't "finish" too soon but it kept on happening (and started to get a bit annoying) so I asked him.

He said he's sorry but he "doesn't want to take the risk because he's already a father of 2 and doesn't want any more". We used a condom and I am also on the pill, but anyway, respected his decision and went to finish him off with my mouth (sorry, sorry, sorry) and again, got into a rhythm and pulled me off him. Offered him other options which weren't PIV but nope, he said "sorry, but I can't"

I'm someone who thinks that sex should have a climax for both people involved (I certainly did, twice) Does anyone else find this a bit odd? I asked him if it was some sort of tantric sex thing about delayed gratification but he just looked confused.

Has anyone else come across this? It felt so weird that it was just over and he left without the grand finale. grin

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 17:17:23

He did make sure that I had my turn, twice. But with his hands though, not with his..... which he bloody could have if he didn't keep stopping!!!

MashedSpud Tue 13-Aug-19 17:23:04

As mentioned porn addiction coupled with death grip wank hand.

🤛🏻

fedup21 Tue 13-Aug-19 17:25:40

I would ask him why he kept stopping you?

Have you asked him? What did he reply?

formerbabe Tue 13-Aug-19 17:27:40

First thought....he's not single and psychologically thinks he's not cheating in this situation.

Second thought...he's got an sti and is scared of passing it on

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 17:31:02

fedup21 he just said "I'm sorry, I can't." when I asked why he said "I just can't."

Another weird thing he said (sorry, not a dripfeed, I just remembered) he said "I can't. You're just so young!" (I'm 30, he's 45) hmm not sure what he meant by that.

We have an event together tonight but I don't think it's going to end in the bedroom again!

honeylulu Tue 13-Aug-19 17:32:33

Sounds like couldn't finish and was making excuses. It's fairly common I think even in my (fairly limited) experience.

Jennifer2r Tue 13-Aug-19 18:07:01

It sounds like he wasn't really that into it and instead of letting him take it at his own pace you forced the whole thing.

He said 'stop' and 'I can't' - I'd have stopped and given him a cuddle and said not to worry about it.

I'd be apologising if I was you.

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 18:13:44

I hardly think reaching for his shirt buttons means I forced him shock he reciprocated immediately.

The night did actually end with a cuddle. I didn't pester him. I was just bamboozled because I'd never experienced that before!

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 18:15:24

I will apologise to him tonight though when I see him. I don't want our friendship to be awkward in case I did overstep the mark.

Crowdo Tue 13-Aug-19 18:16:17

It sounds like you were putting a lot of pressure on him and he couldn't finish.

Myothernameistakenbysomeone Tue 13-Aug-19 18:16:34

@Jennifer2r
Really???
You really think the OP forced this man to get his dick hard and put it in her??

Just stopped short of calling her a rapist really didn't you?!!......
Get a grip of yourself

OP...... I think this need talking about away from the bedroom.
It could be a millions things...... don't over think what you don't know.
I hope you get answers...... and I REALLY hope they don't come from the likes of @Jennifer2r 👍🏼

Myothernameistakenbysomeone Tue 13-Aug-19 18:17:34

Sorry.... don't know why my post is in bold 🤔

dragonsandfairies Tue 13-Aug-19 18:20:24

Wow. Some people will want contracts signing soon to say they consent!

Why are people so quick to assume rape?

It also makes a mockery of those who were truly raped!

SpoonBlender Tue 13-Aug-19 18:20:49

It'll probably be fine - first time nerves, or just head in the wrong place. Give him another crack (fnarr) and see how it goes.

Mythreefavouritethings Tue 13-Aug-19 18:23:57

Tonight will probably give you answers, one way or the other, as he’ll have had time to reflect. I hope you both have a good time.

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 18:24:32

Fnarr grin

Jennifer2r Tue 13-Aug-19 18:27:24

I didn't say rape, or rapist.

You said, he kept saying things like 'stop' and 'I cant' and you said, if you hadn't undressed him, he probably wouldn't have had sex with you.

I don't think that makes you a rapist, but I do think it makes you a bit of a dick.

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 18:32:07

He was kissing me and thrusting against me hmm surely someone needs to be the first to reach for an item of clothing?? If he was giving me zero signals then of course I wouldn't have continued.

tolerable Tue 13-Aug-19 18:32:10

op.what are you apologise at him for??????? he knew how old you was,he "liased"..and he hitchu with ..a no shot.(apologeeze fur the tmi but personally,,the end one-is my favourite)so... whatchu sorry for?not asking the why and getting a reasonable response?

Weejo39 Tue 13-Aug-19 18:34:46

Men are funny creatures! grin Also 40s/50s are different from the constant semi state young men are often in.hmmwhen I first dtd with my boyfriend he warned me he'd had a few 'issues' with some other dates.... mainly not being able to climax. It was a nervous thing and getting to know someone thing... anyhoo he's now a rampant fiend with no issues now. So what I'm saying is be a bit patient, keep talking and hopefully it'll sort itself out as he relaxes a bit with you. Glad you finally got it on though smile

MissSmiley Tue 13-Aug-19 18:35:04

Some antidepressants can cause problems with orgasm for men

SummerHouse Tue 13-Aug-19 18:38:47

Maybe at the point of ejaculation he shouts "MUMMY" and flips like a fish out of water?

SimplySteveRedux Tue 13-Aug-19 18:49:07

Another vote for porn addiction.

MamaOfBothTeams Tue 13-Aug-19 18:50:21

@SummerHouse gringringrin

AnnonniMoose Tue 13-Aug-19 18:53:14

Ummm, probably going to get shot down for this, but is it possible he has an STD HIV, and didn't want to ejaculate for that reason, even into your mouth?

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