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Sex issue (sorry, TMI alert)

(89 Posts)
CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:43:25

Hi all,

Apologies in advance for potentially graphic post.

I've posted before about a long anticipated night with friend of many years... well it happened, we DTD.

Everything was going really well, but I noticed he would get into a rhythm and then keep stopping again and again. I wondered if he was just pacing himself so he didn't "finish" too soon but it kept on happening (and started to get a bit annoying) so I asked him.

He said he's sorry but he "doesn't want to take the risk because he's already a father of 2 and doesn't want any more". We used a condom and I am also on the pill, but anyway, respected his decision and went to finish him off with my mouth (sorry, sorry, sorry) and again, got into a rhythm and pulled me off him. Offered him other options which weren't PIV but nope, he said "sorry, but I can't"

I'm someone who thinks that sex should have a climax for both people involved (I certainly did, twice) Does anyone else find this a bit odd? I asked him if it was some sort of tantric sex thing about delayed gratification but he just looked confused.

Has anyone else come across this? It felt so weird that it was just over and he left without the grand finale. grin

Puddington Tue 13-Aug-19 14:53:37

Sounds like he is just extremely nervous, although of what exactly I can't say (maybe he really is so terrified of you getting pregnant that he thinks that it can be achieved even by a blowjob, maybe it's "been a while" and he's worried about that, if you've been friends for a long time maybe he's overthinking the shift to having sex with you, maybe he's just a generally anxious person, the possibilities are endless lol). Sorry I haven't seen your other thread but if this was a one-off night I suppose not worth really worrying about; if you plan to keep seeing him and it happens again the next time you try sleeping together maybe have a chat with him about it. Good sex is all about communication!

Parent999 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:57:43


CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:58:47

It has "been a while", he did say. I think he was extremely nervous because we were kissing for a looooong time before I finally took the lead and the clothes came off, I don't think he would have if I didn't.

You're right though, it could be any of those things. It's just not something I've ever come across before. I'm sure he had fun but I feel like the ending is the validation for that IYKWIM grin

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 14:59:27

We had a few drinks but he certainly wasn't drunk. Didn't appear to be anyway.

SummerHouse Tue 13-Aug-19 15:01:34

Do you think he might be worried you will hide his spermy condom and secretly inseminate yourself when he's gone??? V odd.

Parent999 Tue 13-Aug-19 15:04:19

" I finally took the lead and the clothes came off, I don't think he would have if I didn't."

Im being facetious I know, but this doesnt sound consensual. As the saying goes, "if a man said this......."

Anyway I wouldnt worry about it too much, has he indicated he wants to do it again? if so better luck next time.

MohairMenace Tue 13-Aug-19 15:04:47

Porn addiction, nailed on, he doesn’t know how to orgasm with real life women anymore.

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 15:07:19

Sorry I didn't mean it to sound non-consensual! I didn't pin him to the bed and rip his clothes off, I just mean I gently moved things on by unbuttoning his shirt. He did follow my lead immediately. I think he was just waiting for the nod from me.

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 15:09:03

It could be that MohairMenace but I really don't think so. He said a few times that he was "close" but stopped himself before it could happen.

KUGA Tue 13-Aug-19 15:09:36

Just a thought,maybe he masterbated before meeting up in the hope he would last a while.
And just couldn't manage another performance ?.

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 15:10:11

Plus, it doesn't explain the pulling me off him thing? Surely he would just let me continue even if he wasn't going to orgasm?

I'm probably waaaaay overthinking this!

noego Tue 13-Aug-19 15:28:47

Left over habit from a previous relationship?

1forAll74 Tue 13-Aug-19 15:29:08

It all sounds pretty grim, especially now you are discussing it on here !

BerylReader Tue 13-Aug-19 15:37:20

Perhaps he’s embarrassed about his orgasm face?

NameChangeNugget Tue 13-Aug-19 16:22:21

I think @SummerHouse is right

Ticklemeelmo Tue 13-Aug-19 16:23:53

Hmm it sounds like he is neurotically worried about an accidental pregnancy, was that how one of his kids was conceived?

simone1863 Tue 13-Aug-19 16:29:01

Worried about bolting in ten seconds flat.

Guaranteed. I'd bet my tits on it grin

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 16:37:41

Guaranteed. I'dbet my tits on it

grin that made me laugh!

Howlingathesun Tue 13-Aug-19 16:39:33

**hide his spermy condom and secretly inseminate yourself when he's gone?

This actually happened, probably 20 years ago now. Chap went to court as he was chased for maintenance.

RLEOM Tue 13-Aug-19 16:46:18

@MohairMenace - what they said.

tolerable Tue 13-Aug-19 16:55:39

cryptonite? naybe he saves the finale for when hes in luuuuuuuurve?

MrsElizabethShelby Tue 13-Aug-19 17:00:54

I think he's married.

Had a previous ONS who had this issue and it was because he felt disloyal to his wife ejaculating into another woman.

Bloody wierdo with issues he was.

(I chucked him out btw when he told me the above, had no idea he was married)

CinnamonSticks1 Tue 13-Aug-19 17:09:34

Definitely 100% divorced. We've been friends for a long time. Ejaculating inside another woman is disloyal but fucking her isn't. hmm what a sleaze.

Howlingatthesun that's shocking!!

RantyAnty Tue 13-Aug-19 17:12:30

How awful and what a big let down.

Did he do things to please you?

I wouldn't bother seeing him again.

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