Husband on holiday in Thailand, took wedding band off...

[02shanso]

Hiya! I don't really have anyone to talk to about this (they are all too close, know too much already and it's just too upsetting for me) we have a lot of trust issues in our marriage as it is, some say he's cheated on me, some say not. I have no idea (trying to do the right thing & support and stay for our 2 year old)

He is recovering from pornography addiction (12 step programme), he's been chatting to other women at length about private things & our marriage. Using dating apps...all while married to me.

Anyway...he's in Thailand (I'm at home with 2 year old) with his cousins but he's ventured off alone for the sights and boat trips. He sent me photos and he's not got his wedding band on. But the ring on his other hand is still in place on other photos at the same location.

Should I be worried and am I being unreasonable asking him to take STI tests on his return?

I hope that makes sense, sorry! Thanks xx

[QueenOfPain]

YANBU, but why are you still wasting your precious life on this twat?

[Pepperama]

Can’t think of a benign explanation, sorry. I’m very much a person who believes in relationships being for good days and bad ones, and in sickness and in health etc. but it doesn’t sound like he feels like he’s in a valued relationship.

[Haggisfish]

Wtf is in Thailand? Just leave-he does not sound like someone actively trying to solve any issues at all, rather he will say what he needs to, to convince you to stay. Honestly, while he was away I would be packing his stuff and getting paperwork together.

[Starbonnet123]

Hi , I'm sorry you are in this situation but Yes i would have him tested before i would let him back into the house , if you want him back .
You are right to be concerned as Thailand is notorious for its no questions sex trade .
Maybe you need some time apart to think about you and your toddler

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

Clutching at straws for you, but is it a selfie that has been reversed? Would that even work?

I hope it works out for you.

[HouseworkAvoider10]

What a loser.
Why are you hanging on to him?
He's a knob.

[MMmomDD]

Why is he on vacation on his own?
Thailand is a nice place to take a 2yo - warm sea and all.
And why would a recovering sex addict go to a place known for cheap sex????....
What right thing are you doing by staying with a man who is on dating sites? And who you need to STI check post holidays???
If you are a de-facto open relationship - then don’t let things like wedding rings bother you.

And - as fyi - presence or absence of a wedding ring has never stopped anyone from playing around. Not in Europe, and certainly not in Thailand.
So - i’d not worry about it. I’d worry about the rest of your life.

[RonnieScotts]

You know why he went there and you know exactly what he's up to. Not sure the sex workers really mind if he's wearing his wedding ring though?

[Shoxfordian]

Yeah he's shady
Why are you still bothering with him? He's cheating

[RLEOM]

It's bad enough if he didn't have a porn addiction but the fact he has, it screams of a sex holiday (trust me, I've seen Thailand's array of sexual opportunities). What part has he gone to?

I'm sorry, OP, but after dealing with a porn addict before, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, especially not in Thailand of all places!

[Bunglefromrainbow]

The wedding band being removed does seem strange as the local ladies won't give two hoots about it most likely.

Maybe he removed it for other reasons like not wanting to lose it on these boats or whatever but who knows. I'd wait til he gets home to ask so you can see his eyes when he realises you know.

With his background though I'd say that he's highly likely to be up to something, especially if people are saying that he's done things in the past. Sorry OP.

[AnyFucker]

Oh, come on everyone

[RLEOM]

And yes, 100% an STI check when he gets back! I'd get him to make sure they text him the results so you can see for yourself.

Once again, I'm sorry you're going through this. Porn addiction has been the most emotionally painful I've ever had to deal with when it comes to partners. I'm so glad I left him and no longer have to deal with this crap!

[managedmis]

So he's a cheater and he's also that stupid he sent you a picture of a removed wedding ring?

Hmmm... Tough one

[RLEOM]

*emotionally painful addiction

[managedmis]

Clutching at straws for you, but is it a selfie that has been reversed? Would that even work?


^

[Treacletoots]

Who goes to Thailand without their family? If my DH even suggested it I'd be immediately suspicious!

I'm afraid the local ladies/ladyboys give 0 fucks about wedding rings so I don't really understand why he would bother. It's the fact he didn't take his wife and DD with him that makes me think WTF

[AdaColeman]

What AF said!

[AuntieDolly]

I'm not sure removing a wedding ring would be evidence of any wrongdoing in itself - perhaps he had an insect bite and his finger swelled up, but why Thailand, and why without his family? Can you afford exotic holidays apart?

[VivaLeBeaver]

I spent time in Thailand backpacking. I would say that 90% of older, , western men were using prostitutes. They weren't sightseeing and sunbathing that's for sure.

[GCAcademic]

Erm, who on earth thought that a holiday to Thailand when recovering from a porn addiction was a sensible idea?

I wouldn’t be bothering with an STI test, no. But then I wouldn’t be sleeping with or continuing to live with him on his return.

[PutyourtoponTrevor]

Another one saying what anyfucker said

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Where did you and the two year old holiday this year?

[VenusTiger]

A postman of ours once said to me “I’m off to Thailand for 6 weeks” - I said, “oh nice, have a good time!” - he said: “ oh I will, gonna get shagged every day, that’s why I’m going there!
My eyes had never been so WIDE!

Just wanted to say, be careful OP and he’s taken his wedding ring off and he’s sending you photos to keep you happy at home. Take care.

[02shanso]

Hiya, thanks for everyone's replies! I dont mind anyone's posts at all because I'm glad i'm not crazy!!! a lot of you are right, its more about what the rest of my life holds, if im honest, I have little to no respect left for this man yet this whole thing is breaking my heart :( I wish it didn't hurt so much.

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there. I am an extremely anxious person when flying and we are totally skint so we decided we could afford for just him to go rather than all of us (I also didn't want to play "happy families")