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Husband on holiday in Thailand, took wedding band off...

(118 Posts)
02shanso Mon 12-Aug-19 12:10:48

Hiya! I don't really have anyone to talk to about this (they are all too close, know too much already and it's just too upsetting for me) we have a lot of trust issues in our marriage as it is, some say he's cheated on me, some say not. I have no idea (trying to do the right thing & support and stay for our 2 year old)

He is recovering from pornography addiction (12 step programme), he's been chatting to other women at length about private things & our marriage. Using dating apps...all while married to me.

Anyway...he's in Thailand (I'm at home with 2 year old) with his cousins but he's ventured off alone for the sights and boat trips. He sent me photos and he's not got his wedding band on. But the ring on his other hand is still in place on other photos at the same location.

Should I be worried and am I being unreasonable asking him to take STI tests on his return?

I hope that makes sense, sorry! Thanks xx

QueenOfPain Mon 12-Aug-19 12:12:54

YANBU, but why are you still wasting your precious life on this twat?

Pepperama Mon 12-Aug-19 12:14:22

Can’t think of a benign explanation, sorry. I’m very much a person who believes in relationships being for good days and bad ones, and in sickness and in health etc. but it doesn’t sound like he feels like he’s in a valued relationship.

Haggisfish Mon 12-Aug-19 12:14:27

Wtf is in Thailand? Just leave-he does not sound like someone actively trying to solve any issues at all, rather he will say what he needs to, to convince you to stay. Honestly, while he was away I would be packing his stuff and getting paperwork together.

Starbonnet123 Mon 12-Aug-19 12:18:00

Hi , I'm sorry you are in this situation but Yes i would have him tested before i would let him back into the house , if you want him back .
You are right to be concerned as Thailand is notorious for its no questions sex trade .
Maybe you need some time apart to think about you and your toddler thanks

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee Mon 12-Aug-19 12:19:10

Clutching at straws for you, but is it a selfie that has been reversed? Would that even work?

I hope it works out for you.

HouseworkAvoider10 Mon 12-Aug-19 12:19:30

What a loser.
Why are you hanging on to him?
He's a knob.

MMmomDD Mon 12-Aug-19 12:19:50

Why is he on vacation on his own?
Thailand is a nice place to take a 2yo - warm sea and all.
And why would a recovering sex addict go to a place known for cheap sex????....
What right thing are you doing by staying with a man who is on dating sites? And who you need to STI check post holidays???
If you are a de-facto open relationship - then don’t let things like wedding rings bother you.

And - as fyi - presence or absence of a wedding ring has never stopped anyone from playing around. Not in Europe, and certainly not in Thailand.
So - i’d not worry about it. I’d worry about the rest of your life.

RonnieScotts Mon 12-Aug-19 12:30:58

You know why he went there and you know exactly what he's up to. Not sure the sex workers really mind if he's wearing his wedding ring though?

Shoxfordian Mon 12-Aug-19 12:35:46

Yeah he's shady
Why are you still bothering with him? He's cheating

RLEOM Mon 12-Aug-19 12:43:51

It's bad enough if he didn't have a porn addiction but the fact he has, it screams of a sex holiday (trust me, I've seen Thailand's array of sexual opportunities). What part has he gone to?

I'm sorry, OP, but after dealing with a porn addict before, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, especially not in Thailand of all places!

Bunglefromrainbow Mon 12-Aug-19 12:45:52

The wedding band being removed does seem strange as the local ladies won't give two hoots about it most likely.

Maybe he removed it for other reasons like not wanting to lose it on these boats or whatever but who knows. I'd wait til he gets home to ask so you can see his eyes when he realises you know.

With his background though I'd say that he's highly likely to be up to something, especially if people are saying that he's done things in the past. Sorry OP.

AnyFucker Mon 12-Aug-19 12:46:32

Oh, come on everyone

RLEOM Mon 12-Aug-19 12:46:45

And yes, 100% an STI check when he gets back! I'd get him to make sure they text him the results so you can see for yourself.

Once again, I'm sorry you're going through this. Porn addiction has been the most emotionally painful I've ever had to deal with when it comes to partners. I'm so glad I left him and no longer have to deal with this crap!

managedmis Mon 12-Aug-19 12:48:12

So he's a cheater and he's also that stupid he sent you a picture of a removed wedding ring?

Hmmm... Tough one

RLEOM Mon 12-Aug-19 12:48:27

*emotionally painful addiction

managedmis Mon 12-Aug-19 12:48:39

Clutching at straws for you, but is it a selfie that has been reversed? Would that even work?

^

grin

Treacletoots Mon 12-Aug-19 12:53:01

Who goes to Thailand without their family? If my DH even suggested it I'd be immediately suspicious!

I'm afraid the local ladies/ladyboys give 0 fucks about wedding rings so I don't really understand why he would bother. It's the fact he didn't take his wife and DD with him that makes me think WTF

AdaColeman Mon 12-Aug-19 12:53:12

^ ^ ^ ^ What AF said!

AuntieDolly Mon 12-Aug-19 12:55:11

I'm not sure removing a wedding ring would be evidence of any wrongdoing in itself - perhaps he had an insect bite and his finger swelled up, but why Thailand, and why without his family? Can you afford exotic holidays apart?

VivaLeBeaver Mon 12-Aug-19 12:56:01

I spent time in Thailand backpacking. I would say that 90% of older, , western men were using prostitutes. They weren't sightseeing and sunbathing that's for sure.

GCAcademic Mon 12-Aug-19 12:56:03

Erm, who on earth thought that a holiday to Thailand when recovering from a porn addiction was a sensible idea?

I wouldn’t be bothering with an STI test, no. But then I wouldn’t be sleeping with or continuing to live with him on his return.

PutyourtoponTrevor Mon 12-Aug-19 12:57:34

Another one saying what anyfucker said

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Mon 12-Aug-19 12:58:46

Where did you and the two year old holiday this year?

VenusTiger Mon 12-Aug-19 12:59:26

A postman of ours once said to me “I’m off to Thailand for 6 weeks” - I said, “oh nice, have a good time!” - he said: “ oh I will, gonna get shagged every day, that’s why I’m going there!
My eyes had never been so WIDE! shock

Just wanted to say, be careful OP and he’s taken his wedding ring off and he’s sending you photos to keep you happy at home. Take care.

02shanso Mon 12-Aug-19 13:04:03

Hiya, thanks for everyone's replies! I dont mind anyone's posts at all because I'm glad i'm not crazy!!! a lot of you are right, its more about what the rest of my life holds, if im honest, I have little to no respect left for this man yet this whole thing is breaking my heart sad I wish it didn't hurt so much.

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there. I am an extremely anxious person when flying and we are totally skint so we decided we could afford for just him to go rather than all of us (I also didn't want to play "happy families")

CoffeeRunner Mon 12-Aug-19 13:04:25

I also wouldn’t care whether he is tested for STIs after his ‘holiday’. He wouldn’t be coming near me again either way!

I do think it would be wise to get yourself tested now though, as there is a strong possibility he has cheated in the past.

I understand that you are trying to keep your family together for your DS - but do you really want him growing up thinking this is how it’s OK to behave?

Skittlenommer Mon 12-Aug-19 13:07:24

The only question that needs asking here is why the hell are you with this man???

02shanso Mon 12-Aug-19 13:08:50

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 - I did go to Ireland to visit my sister with our little boy. I opted for a 12 hr journey in the car/ferry over flying, I've just got back as I didn't want to be sat at home worrying about my DH!!! My mum & dad helped me pay for it and I had the most wonderful time of my life!!!!

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?!

HollowTalk Mon 12-Aug-19 13:18:17

It sounds as though his family are nuts, too. Who the hell wants all their cousins there when they propose? Who the hell then says that they are proposing in Thailand?

As for this twat you're involved with... You are skint yet he's going on holiday to watch his cousin propose?

Quite frankly you're as daft as he is if you put up with this shit.

ZaZathecat Mon 12-Aug-19 13:20:13

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?!

This says it all. Even if you h is not a cheating waste of space (but he probably is), you're happier without him. That is all you need to know.

Itsallgonewoowoo Mon 12-Aug-19 13:22:55

So you're upset he took his wedding ring off but think it's perfectly reasonable to stay with a cheating swine because it's easier/more fun ? If you're going to stay with him despite the fact he is clearly a sleaze then seriously, don't worry about the ring, it's so minor in the overall state of your marriage.

thepinkp Mon 12-Aug-19 13:23:26

Ahh.. this was the first clue to me finding out all sorts of lies and infidelity. He's consciously taken off his ring to appear in-married and available simple as that. My H sent me a pic on his birthday whilst working away thank me for the t-shirt his children bought him for his birthday. In that pic (taken facing a mirror so we could see the t-shirt) was him holding his phone minus his wedding ring. Bingo! The rest is the stuff books are made off. Sorry it stinks of cheating or at least trying his luck whilst away.

PeoniesarePink Mon 12-Aug-19 13:27:53

He's a cheating porn addict away in Thailand and has taken his wedding ring off..........

Honestly, scrape your self esteem back up off the floor. You don't him to get an STI check, you need your head examining.

ZaZathecat Mon 12-Aug-19 13:28:45

itsall the op said it's easier/more fun NOT being with her dh.

purplecorkheart Mon 12-Aug-19 13:35:01

Just curious are all his cousins male?

BronzeGoddess Mon 12-Aug-19 13:36:57

He sounds horrible. And I wouldn’t trust him at all.

alligatorsmile Mon 12-Aug-19 13:37:48

Have you seen any pics of his cousins there? Or just of him? Because going to Thailand to watch somebody propose sounds like a pretty flimsy cover story.

But even if he's not a sleaze bag having a dirty shag fest, the simple fact that you feel happier when he's not around tells you everything you need to know. You don't need a reason to end a relationship, and you don't need his permission. It's just not working for you, and you don't want to be with him.

CostaOrProseccoPlease Mon 12-Aug-19 13:46:23

Why the heck would a husband go without his wife on a trip to Thailand when there is trust issues there? I wouldnt allow it if I wasnt 110% happy I could trust my partner.
Are you sure the photo hasnt just flipped over like it does on some apps so it looks like the wedding finger but its actually his right hand? Also, he has to be pretty stupid to send you a pic without his ring on

magoria Mon 12-Aug-19 13:46:49

Unfortunately some things don't show away so you would need him to have repeated STI tests at a later date.

I suggest you also get yourself checked now and if you are determined to stay with him maybe regularly say once a year to check he hasnt passed you anything.

Or get rid and be happier alone or maybe find someone who thinks you are worth enough not to do this to you.

81Byerley Mon 12-Aug-19 13:48:55

Do NOT stay for the sake of your child. You will ruin your child's life. Book a holiday for you and your child and leave the day he's due back. Leave him a note, but don't tell him where you are or how long you'll be gone. Use that time to think about what you want to do. Hopefully you'll realise you and your child are a perfect pair, and you don't need a sleazy git to make you complete.

ElizaDee Mon 12-Aug-19 14:16:06

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there

That's got to be the biggest load of bollocks I've ever read on here.

MyOtherProfile Mon 12-Aug-19 14:19:19

No need for STI tests - just call it a day.

KatharinaRosalie Mon 12-Aug-19 14:22:43

If you were totally skint then it was very unreasonable for him to fly to Thailand just because the cousin asked. You couldn't afford it!

And yes I don't see what other explanation there could be for removing the wedding ring either.

Brakebackcyclebot Mon 12-Aug-19 14:23:18

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?

OP you already know the answer to this question

AntonsMumsTeeth Mon 12-Aug-19 14:27:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NewAndImprovedNorks Mon 12-Aug-19 14:29:38

hmm

AudacityOfHope Mon 12-Aug-19 14:34:25

Jesus fuck, a porn addiction hmm

Fucking hell love, get him in the bin and find yourself someone who isn't a walking erection.

Singlenotsingle Mon 12-Aug-19 14:35:24

Has he sent you any photos of the proposing cousin and all the other cousins out there? On the beach maybe? And what happens if the girlfriend says "no"?

Sorry, OP, he's a sleazebag sad

stucknoue Mon 12-Aug-19 14:37:23

I take mine off when it's really warm, my fingers swell in the heat. H never wore his (yes relationship is not good now but it's nothing to do with a ring, he can't wear one to work)

02shanso Mon 12-Aug-19 14:38:04

@AntonsMumsTeeth im not sure i understand your post or what im over-egging. Im not bored either, im utterly at the bottom of the barrel desperatly trying to see the simplicity of my situation because im so low & confused, i dont have anything to hope for. Seeing messages like "why are you with this man" is helping me realise im being taken for a ride and that im not a crazy lady. Im sorry i need to hear it. my question was more about being unreasonable about asking for STI tests and to hear others experiences who've been in similar situations. I've seen photos of all the cousins together so that bit is actually true.

feministwithtitsin Mon 12-Aug-19 14:41:53

Wtf?

Who invites all their cousins to watch them get engaged? That in itself is weird, even if it was to the local pub.

But asking their cousins to fly half way around the world to watch them get engaged? It makes zero sense, unless he is filming for made in chelsea. Are you absolutely sure that that is true? Sounds like bullshit.

I doubt the sex workers he is visiting is going to care much about the ring, he probably takes it off so people don't see him and think he is rank, being married and visiting sex workers.

This really doesn't need Poirot to figure out.

Tonnerre Mon 12-Aug-19 14:47:54

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there. I am an extremely anxious person when flying and we are totally skint so we decided we could afford for just him to go rather than all of us

Hmm. On the one hand, his cousin wanted him to be there. On the other hand, he is skint, he has a small child, this is a venue notorious for sex tourism, and he is supposed to be recovering from porn addiction.

What exactly was the process of thought that led him to decide that the cousin's wishes came first?

SirGawain Mon 12-Aug-19 14:54:06

I'm not sure removing a wedding ring would be evidence of any wrongdoing in itself - perhaps he had an insect bite and his finger swelled up, but why Thailand, and why without his family? Can you afford exotic holidays apart?

If it comforts you to think that fine; but I think you’re being a bit naive.

AntonsMumsTeeth Mon 12-Aug-19 16:50:33

You've posted in relationships not AIBU.

Is the photo of all the cousins together date & location stamped? When is this elaborate proposal taking place? grin

olivetreelane Mon 12-Aug-19 18:11:48

Who the fuck takes an entourage to watch, celebrate a proposal? Why wouldn't it be just him and the recipient? So where is the wedding? Are you going to be missing out on that too? And the stag do...

Op, walk away. This is not worth it.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut Mon 12-Aug-19 18:13:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HollowTalk Mon 12-Aug-19 18:32:25

Porn addict in Thailand just happens to have a mosquito bite on his wedding finger grin grin grin

RantyAnty Mon 12-Aug-19 18:48:10

Looks like it's more of a lad's shag fest

simplekindoflife Mon 12-Aug-19 18:56:49

Cheating porn addict takes off wedding ring in Thailand...

Yeah, huge alarm bells.

I think you need to decide where your line is. Personally, I'd have thrown in the towel long before this, as his previous rap sheet is pretty diabolical.

He sounds like he's going to be hard work for the rest of your lives. You need to think about what you really want. I think you deserve better than this personally.

31RueCambon Mon 12-Aug-19 18:59:24

Yanbu. I agree with the poster who says dont wste yr time on this twat

VenusTiger Mon 12-Aug-19 19:04:31

@02shanso what advice would you give your sister if this was her thread

MarieBaroneIsMyMom Mon 12-Aug-19 19:08:26

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there

What the what now?

OP- you seem to respond well to tough love.
Have some self-respect and get you and your child out of there. Your husband is making a laughing stock of you.

Widgetsframe Mon 12-Aug-19 22:34:38

I am sure that he is totally innocent. Insect bites are fuckers

SignedUpJust4This Mon 12-Aug-19 23:17:37

Come on OP. You are focusing on the wedding band to confirm what you already know. The guys a twunt. You don't trust him and he doesnt make you happy. What more do you need to know?

HIVpos Mon 12-Aug-19 23:29:18

OP you haven’t posted on MN before I don’t think - perhaps a bit young? hmm

Anyway, some advice in case you didn’t know - STI tests should always be done by all concerned where you think risky sex has been had. And as another poster mentioned, some can take a while to show up due to the window period - HIV takes up to 3 months, for example.

HTH

Grisgristhecat Tue 13-Aug-19 00:18:14

Cousins at engagement? hmm Sounds more like a dubious holiday in Bangland.

I’ve heard of someone contracting an incurable strain of gonorrhoea there.

Ask him if a mozzie bit his knob would he still wear a condom?

Runkle Tue 13-Aug-19 00:26:46

Nevermind requesting he gets tested, get yourself tested ASAP. Put your wellbeing first fgs he's not, its not like you're going to shag him the minute he's back and catch something is it?
Plus the results wouldn't tell you what happened put there anyway. Only he can do that, if he a has any decency.

CatSmize Tue 13-Aug-19 00:45:01

It's just occured to me: is the lady that the cousin is planning to propose to Thai? Does she live out there and they've gone on a boys sex holiday so the cousin can bring back the sex worker lady he met on a previous trip?

I may be way off the mark but it's such a bizarre situation that I can't get my head around a man taking his gf on holiday to Thailand and wanting all his (presumably male?) cousins there to witness him propose confused

EKGEMS Tue 13-Aug-19 00:51:00

If you actually believe1% of his totally fictitious story then I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you

GirlRaisedInTheSouth Tue 13-Aug-19 00:53:56

Huh?!? Why are you even still with this man? Sorry, but you're a mug!

Cherryberrypie Tue 13-Aug-19 01:41:46

This sounds like a really, really ridiculous excuse for a lads holiday.

Even if it were true (which sounds doubtful) what happens if the girlfriend says no to the proposal? What does the girlfriend think about going on holiday with a bunch of other blokes?

Nancydrawn Tue 13-Aug-19 01:48:30

The ring sounds like a red herring. If he's there for prostitution, then surely the wedding ring is irrelevant. (Though I suppose less so if it's about what he does at the resort.)

The real point is the question you posed in your follow up.

SaraNade Tue 13-Aug-19 02:08:59

[clears throat] There is only one reason a man goes to Thailand, and especially alone. For the underage girls. It's a meat market there. And mostly very young early teen girls. If it's a holiday, why aren't you with him? Do you usually not holiday as a couple?

He is cheating right under your nose and basically flaunting it. There is no question he isn't cheating. Given the country, his history, and the ring removed, seriously, do you really need it in neon flashing lights? Because it is already in neon flashing light territory. You either accept him treating you like garbage and cheating on you continually, or you end this marriage once and for all. Because it doesn't sound like he will ever change. Going to Thailand by himself is flashing neon evidence.

SaraNade Tue 13-Aug-19 02:13:57

My apologies, I posted before reading your updates hence the question about you holidaying separately was explained.

SaraNade Tue 13-Aug-19 02:19:52

Agreed with HollowTalk. I could understand if it were for the actual wedding. But for a mere proposal? And what is even worse, is all the pressure on the bride. She sees all these people who flew over, just for a proposal, she can't say no even if she really wants to!

In addition, what if she says no? His idiotic cousin has gotten everyone to fly over, to see him rejected. In front of them all. YIKES!!! Jaysus, what an idiot his cousin is! Seems his whole family are mentally defective and dodgy.

SaraNade Tue 13-Aug-19 02:31:29

@CostaOrProseccoPlease She indicates he wears a ring on each hand, and one ring, the wedding one, was missing, from his left hand. The ring on his right hand was still there. So reversed or not, he has removed one of his two rings, and unless he removed his right one (which seems unlikely), a reverse photo still shows a ring on one hand missing.

notangelinajolie Tue 13-Aug-19 02:35:17

Doesn't matter why he went to Thailand - fact is he went. In my book that is enough to end it. Seriously, do you really want a perv man like this to be daddy to your child? Run OP run.

1forAll74 Tue 13-Aug-19 03:15:15

You sound like a sensible woman there, and obviously have the measure of your partner and his ways,he sounds like a free agent most of the time, and probably more so in Thailand.

I am glad that you were able to have a lovely time in Ireland, but wondering what you are going to do about the future with this less than perfect man.

I am not a person who just says leave the man, or pack his bags whatever,as you never know all the details of people's lives, but good luck anyway.

thejudgesaidhewasatitandIagree Tue 13-Aug-19 03:16:53

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?

Because he's a piece of shit?

MardAsSnails Tue 13-Aug-19 04:05:14

I travel alone a lot and never wear my wedding rings as my hands swell in humidity.

My husband travels to Thailand a lot for work and am pretty certain he’s not up to anything (where possible he stretches it over a weekend if I can join him for a few days)

However, sorry, but your husband seems to be a cunt. Proposal in front of all his cousins? Worst. Excuse. Ever. And being a single parent is easier than being with him? Tell him to stay there and leave you to it. You’ll be happier in the long run.

PeachesPlumsPears Tue 13-Aug-19 05:12:35

My male work colleagues were also going to Thailand for the ladies they met in the bars. They were convinced these ladies were not prostitutes and wanted a long term relationship with them so would pretend to be single hmm

DarklyDreamingDexter Tue 13-Aug-19 08:01:55

Pack his stuff into bin bags while he's away. Kick him out. A guy with a porn addiction, who's been messaging other women on dating apps is in Thailand for the sightseeing and boat trips?! Seriously? Get rid of this cheating scrumbag and work on your own self esteem to raise your bar higher in future.

Dontforgetyourbrolly Tue 13-Aug-19 08:05:58

I wouldn't care if he's in Thailand or a coach trip around Norfolk with pensioners.... the rest of it is bad enough .
I'd use his time away to make plans for leaving/ him to leave/ sorting out separation etc

Dontforgetyourbrolly Tue 13-Aug-19 08:06:45

And OP I've been in your shoes.... Thailand and everything

Drogosnextwife Tue 13-Aug-19 08:09:36

STI test, no, divorce, yes.

legolimb Tue 13-Aug-19 08:16:36

Dump him.

SummerInTheVillage Tue 13-Aug-19 08:20:06

Get rid. Pack for him.

02shanso Tue 13-Aug-19 09:05:28

@HIVpos...i'm 30...not sure what that is, somewhere middling to young I hope!!! and no i never post because i felt you wouldn't get well rounded support (because of not having all the facts etc...)

One thing that strikes me here though is the fact i'm having a really hard time convincing people of the actual truth (My husbands cousin really is proposing in Thailand to a UK girl and wants his other cousins to be there (both male & female) I know it sounds out there but its true.

Yet on the other hand many out here have no problem convincing me that a recovering porn addict just cannot stay safe, ever again on the basis of a few red (granted massive red) flags.

I don't mind the comments though - like i said before, it simplifies the situation and the way i'm feeling and brings me some level of comfort but my goodness...I actually feel guilty for feeling so strongly about how important marriage is and holding on to a tiny glimmer of hope about anything.

Despite the way he treats me, he's actually a damn good dad to our son, maybe i should have put that in my OP (i was upset and typing away thinking only of myself)

I'm not deleting anything either, as i've not decided if this has been helpful yet or not and im not about to jump of any bridges after 1 day of harsh truth, i've been through much worse LOL

if you got through my essay, thanks smile

BillGiggeloe Tue 13-Aug-19 10:03:11

Whereabouts has he gone?
There are places in Thailand like Koh Phi Phi and Krabi that are majority Muslim.
I know Phi Phi doesn't have girly bars, never been to Krabi but my cousin has and said it was very conservative.

On the other hand if it's Pattaya or Patong...

katewhinesalot Tue 13-Aug-19 10:18:53

Surely if there was a big gang of them there, then there would have been at least one person wanting to go off with him exploring.
On his own with no wedding ring. Hmmmm [sceptical]

simplekindoflife Tue 13-Aug-19 10:51:56

Good luck OP thanks

I suppose there's a chance it's completely innocent but he doesn't have the best track record. And Thailand isn't the best place to resist temptation... confused

Might be an idea for both of you to get an STI test when he comes back though, just for your own safety, especially as you have a child.

feministwithtitsin Tue 13-Aug-19 11:14:59

It's bizarre to travel thousands of miles to watch someone propose. But I suppose bizarre things happen all the time.

Going to Thailand for no good reason (like work or to a wedding) when you have a young family and money is tight would suggest to me that his priorities are out of whack.

I don't know if you have a problem with this or not. But add that to the other problems you have in your marriage, plus the fact he isn't wearing his wedding ring and it doesn't look good.

alligatorsmile Tue 13-Aug-19 11:15:34

I dunno. I don't class going halfway across the planet for a jolly (even if he's not a sex tourist, which seems unlikely), and using family money to do so, and using dating apps while married, as "good dad" activities.

In our shock at what he's doing, no-one's picked up on the fact that he has been using dating apps while married to you. That is enough, on its own. Add to that the fact that you feel happier/have more fun when he isn't around. HE doesn't seem to put much store on the value of marriage, HE hasn't made any effort to work on the relationship, why's it up to you?

tomatostottie Tue 13-Aug-19 11:46:39

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?!

Because he is a low-life scumbag who isn't thinking about you and making sure you have a nice life, he's thinking about himself and he's busy talking to other women about your relationship instead of working on any issues with you and he's pissing about on dating apps.
You went to Ireland to visit your sister - someone who genuinely cares about you - and you had a wonderful time.
You would have a wonderful time on your own as a single parent with your child as well - it wouldn't be easy, of course it wouldn't - but you'd be able to manage as so many others and you could make your life great for the two of you without being in the shadow of someone else's porn/sex addiction.

The whole proposal thing with all the cousins there is totally weird - have you also seen photos of the group of them doing things together? What are the cousins doing while is is looking at the "sights" and going on "boat trips"? I can just about believe the cousins going on holiday for a proposal thing, but I find it very difficult to believe that there's a group of them there and not one of them wants to look at the "sights" with your 'D'H.

I think you should LTB. It's actually irrelevant whether he's sleeping around with prostitutes in Thailand because his UK based behaviour is more than good reason enough for him to be shown the door.

simplekindoflife Tue 13-Aug-19 13:26:34

"*It's bizarre to travel thousands of miles to watch someone propose. But I suppose bizarre things happen all the time.*"

I know! If that's what the couple are expecting when they propose, can you imagine how they're going to be when it comes to their engagement party, hen and stag dos and the actual wedding! I bet there will be a CF wedding thread based on them from one of their guests!

prawnsword Tue 13-Aug-19 13:32:55

From his previous form for sexual indiscretions it is highly probable he has taken himself on a solo sex tourist holiday. How lovely...(sarcastic). Am sorry op but nothing good comes out of the average single male geezer or Aussie travelling around the notorious hotspots of Thailand.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit Tue 13-Aug-19 14:44:27

@prawnsword Aussie?

prawnsword Tue 13-Aug-19 15:07:03

Neither of our countries has a great reputation when visiting foreign tropical tourist destinations FYI

prawnsword Tue 13-Aug-19 15:07:25

Or any destination really...

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