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Husband on holiday in Thailand, took wedding band off...

(118 Posts)
02shanso Mon 12-Aug-19 12:10:48

Hiya! I don't really have anyone to talk to about this (they are all too close, know too much already and it's just too upsetting for me) we have a lot of trust issues in our marriage as it is, some say he's cheated on me, some say not. I have no idea (trying to do the right thing & support and stay for our 2 year old)

He is recovering from pornography addiction (12 step programme), he's been chatting to other women at length about private things & our marriage. Using dating apps...all while married to me.

Anyway...he's in Thailand (I'm at home with 2 year old) with his cousins but he's ventured off alone for the sights and boat trips. He sent me photos and he's not got his wedding band on. But the ring on his other hand is still in place on other photos at the same location.

Should I be worried and am I being unreasonable asking him to take STI tests on his return?

I hope that makes sense, sorry! Thanks xx

QueenOfPain Mon 12-Aug-19 12:12:54

YANBU, but why are you still wasting your precious life on this twat?

Pepperama Mon 12-Aug-19 12:14:22

Can’t think of a benign explanation, sorry. I’m very much a person who believes in relationships being for good days and bad ones, and in sickness and in health etc. but it doesn’t sound like he feels like he’s in a valued relationship.

Haggisfish Mon 12-Aug-19 12:14:27

Wtf is in Thailand? Just leave-he does not sound like someone actively trying to solve any issues at all, rather he will say what he needs to, to convince you to stay. Honestly, while he was away I would be packing his stuff and getting paperwork together.

Starbonnet123 Mon 12-Aug-19 12:18:00

Hi , I'm sorry you are in this situation but Yes i would have him tested before i would let him back into the house , if you want him back .
You are right to be concerned as Thailand is notorious for its no questions sex trade .
Maybe you need some time apart to think about you and your toddler thanks

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee Mon 12-Aug-19 12:19:10

Clutching at straws for you, but is it a selfie that has been reversed? Would that even work?

I hope it works out for you.

HouseworkAvoider10 Mon 12-Aug-19 12:19:30

What a loser.
Why are you hanging on to him?
He's a knob.

MMmomDD Mon 12-Aug-19 12:19:50

Why is he on vacation on his own?
Thailand is a nice place to take a 2yo - warm sea and all.
And why would a recovering sex addict go to a place known for cheap sex????....
What right thing are you doing by staying with a man who is on dating sites? And who you need to STI check post holidays???
If you are a de-facto open relationship - then don’t let things like wedding rings bother you.

And - as fyi - presence or absence of a wedding ring has never stopped anyone from playing around. Not in Europe, and certainly not in Thailand.
So - i’d not worry about it. I’d worry about the rest of your life.

RonnieScotts Mon 12-Aug-19 12:30:58

You know why he went there and you know exactly what he's up to. Not sure the sex workers really mind if he's wearing his wedding ring though?

Shoxfordian Mon 12-Aug-19 12:35:46

Yeah he's shady
Why are you still bothering with him? He's cheating

RLEOM Mon 12-Aug-19 12:43:51

It's bad enough if he didn't have a porn addiction but the fact he has, it screams of a sex holiday (trust me, I've seen Thailand's array of sexual opportunities). What part has he gone to?

I'm sorry, OP, but after dealing with a porn addict before, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, especially not in Thailand of all places!

Bunglefromrainbow Mon 12-Aug-19 12:45:52

The wedding band being removed does seem strange as the local ladies won't give two hoots about it most likely.

Maybe he removed it for other reasons like not wanting to lose it on these boats or whatever but who knows. I'd wait til he gets home to ask so you can see his eyes when he realises you know.

With his background though I'd say that he's highly likely to be up to something, especially if people are saying that he's done things in the past. Sorry OP.

AnyFucker Mon 12-Aug-19 12:46:32

Oh, come on everyone

RLEOM Mon 12-Aug-19 12:46:45

And yes, 100% an STI check when he gets back! I'd get him to make sure they text him the results so you can see for yourself.

Once again, I'm sorry you're going through this. Porn addiction has been the most emotionally painful I've ever had to deal with when it comes to partners. I'm so glad I left him and no longer have to deal with this crap!

managedmis Mon 12-Aug-19 12:48:12

So he's a cheater and he's also that stupid he sent you a picture of a removed wedding ring?

Hmmm... Tough one

RLEOM Mon 12-Aug-19 12:48:27

*emotionally painful addiction

managedmis Mon 12-Aug-19 12:48:39

Clutching at straws for you, but is it a selfie that has been reversed? Would that even work?

^

grin

Treacletoots Mon 12-Aug-19 12:53:01

Who goes to Thailand without their family? If my DH even suggested it I'd be immediately suspicious!

I'm afraid the local ladies/ladyboys give 0 fucks about wedding rings so I don't really understand why he would bother. It's the fact he didn't take his wife and DD with him that makes me think WTF

AdaColeman Mon 12-Aug-19 12:53:12

^ ^ ^ ^ What AF said!

AuntieDolly Mon 12-Aug-19 12:55:11

I'm not sure removing a wedding ring would be evidence of any wrongdoing in itself - perhaps he had an insect bite and his finger swelled up, but why Thailand, and why without his family? Can you afford exotic holidays apart?

VivaLeBeaver Mon 12-Aug-19 12:56:01

I spent time in Thailand backpacking. I would say that 90% of older, , western men were using prostitutes. They weren't sightseeing and sunbathing that's for sure.

GCAcademic Mon 12-Aug-19 12:56:03

Erm, who on earth thought that a holiday to Thailand when recovering from a porn addiction was a sensible idea?

I wouldn’t be bothering with an STI test, no. But then I wouldn’t be sleeping with or continuing to live with him on his return.

PutyourtoponTrevor Mon 12-Aug-19 12:57:34

Another one saying what anyfucker said

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Mon 12-Aug-19 12:58:46

Where did you and the two year old holiday this year?

VenusTiger Mon 12-Aug-19 12:59:26

A postman of ours once said to me “I’m off to Thailand for 6 weeks” - I said, “oh nice, have a good time!” - he said: “ oh I will, gonna get shagged every day, that’s why I’m going there!
My eyes had never been so WIDE! shock

Just wanted to say, be careful OP and he’s taken his wedding ring off and he’s sending you photos to keep you happy at home. Take care.

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