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Outside a police station about to report husband for domestic abuse am I doing the wrong thing

(43 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Siablue Sun 11-Aug-19 11:09:48

I can’t stay. My fear is if I don’t report him he will get unsupervised contact maybe even 50 50. Women’s aid told me not to but I don’t know why.

HeadintheiClouds Sun 11-Aug-19 11:10:38

Didn’t you ask why?

GabriellaMontez Sun 11-Aug-19 11:11:54

Could you ring and check why they advised this?

WhyBirdStop Sun 11-Aug-19 11:12:36

I've worked alongside women's aid and have never heard them tell someone to not report at all. Have they advised you report but ask it not to be actioned until you can be somewhere safe, or just that you don't HAVE to report if you don't want to?

Sunshineinwinter Sun 11-Aug-19 11:14:59

Not to put a doom on you but please be mindfully he will most likely get unsupervised access to the DC in the long run unless he has hurt them directly.
Your reasons for reporting him should not rely on that. You should report him because he has broken the law and I am assuming been violent towards you.
Report, sort housing situation, court about DC.

Good luck x

Siablue Sun 11-Aug-19 11:16:48

I did. They said they would charge him straight away and he would go back to our house.

On my other thread someone said the police could provide an escort for someone trying to leave an abusive relationship. I have plans to go in a few days time with a cover story but I am afraid he may try and stop me.

sausagerollsaremydrug Sun 11-Aug-19 11:17:45

You must report him.
You don't want to spend your life in fear.
Stay strong OP x

Siablue Sun 11-Aug-19 11:32:15

I know he will sadly get some contact. I want to minimise it if possible. He has threatened to take my baby away from me.

Women’s aid legal advisor was meant to contact me days ago and they haven’t.

StaplesCorner Sun 11-Aug-19 11:33:20

OP you need more advice; if you are scared of him you need to leave or ask the police to refer you to go into a refuge today - where are your DC? Is there anyone in RL who can help you? I can understand why WA might have advised you to plan what to do first but did they realise you are in danger?

The National Domestic Violence helpline is easier to get through to, they should be able to work out a step by step plan with you www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk

And please ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships by clicking on "report".

StaplesCorner Sun 11-Aug-19 11:37:44

Siablue I see from your previous posts that you have family in Scotland. Go there. Ring them up, tell them you are desperate, get a train ticket and go there. Do you need to wait until he is at work tomorrow to get your stuff and get out? Just take what you need and go - everyone on this thread whether its in Relationships or AIBU will tell you the same.

TheInebriati Sun 11-Aug-19 11:42:44

He can't take your baby away. If he threatens to, it will count against him.

IDK who you spoke to at WA but if you feel strong enough please raise a complaint against them. they shouldn't be giving out 'advice' like that.

Owlypants Sun 11-Aug-19 11:43:10

Absolutely report him and make it very clear that you are scared. Don't hold back, tell them everything! I've been through similar and reporting DV is the first step to freedom. Tell them you need help leaving and they will help you leave.

StaplesCorner Sun 11-Aug-19 11:45:11

Tell them you need help leaving and they will help you leave - rinse and repeat, this is really good advice.

Chickenish Sun 11-Aug-19 11:46:00

Well done. Stay safe.

LilyMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 11-Aug-19 11:47:20

OP, we're just moving this to relationships for you. flowers

DoYouNeedAWee Sun 11-Aug-19 11:50:07

Please do it, I did exactly the same thing and it was the best decision I ever made. I still remember that drive to the police station, about to change my life.

funnylittlefloozie Sun 11-Aug-19 11:57:26

Be brave, you can do this. This is about keeping your baby safe - you CANNOT let that man have him 50% of the time. You owe your baby that. Good luck, sia, we are all behind you.

FattyPeddledFuriously999 Sun 11-Aug-19 12:26:36

Stay safe and strong flowers

catofdoom Sun 11-Aug-19 13:05:39

Thinking of you op. I would seek further advice.

wigglybluelines Sun 11-Aug-19 13:09:06

Please report him, you need it on record. And then leave, run to your family with your baby.

Siablue Mon 12-Aug-19 07:34:48

I did go in. I made a very long statement but the police officer wrote it down much shorter and it sounds like absolute crap. He said it would be better if they recorded a video statement.

They weren’t going to let me go home (probably why Women’s Aid said not to go to the police). I did and they are not going to arrest him until we are away. I’m not sure if I did the right thing. There is basically no chance of conviction. My word against his, unless I can collect more evidence.

I am scared I have put my baby at more risk now. Poor little thing. sad

Owlypants and Doyouneedawee I am pleased it was ok for you. Did you have children with your abusive partner? What happened to them.

MarianaMoatedGrange Mon 12-Aug-19 08:08:53

Just bumping this for you OP.

I hope you're ok. Others will be along with advice.

Siablue Mon 12-Aug-19 08:41:13

Thank you Mariana. I don’t know what to do. All I want is to protect my baby. I might have just made him more vulnerable.

ptumbi Mon 12-Aug-19 09:20:44

I'm sure you did the right thing, OP. At the very least, you have laid a paper trail so you know it's there if you need it in the future.

Have WA advised you on what to do next?

Owlypants Mon 12-Aug-19 11:53:16

@Siablue, my ex got off lightly in my opinion but it all worked out for me, I've sent you a message. Don't worry about it being your word against his, believe it or not there are highly trained DV officers who see the truth. My ex was mr charming, very popular and was known as an all round nice guy who wouldn't harm a fly. They saw through this! Get yourself in contact with a DV charity/advocate to help you make your complaint again. Your gp can also help you with referrals, DV can be incredibly damaging to your mental health

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