What so I do now?

[OrmIrian]

I started a thread about this on the education forum a month or so ago asking how mcuh input kids have in their choice of secondary school. We have a choice of 4 schools for DS#1, 2 of which I probably wouldn't send a dog too, one of which (ex-grammar) has always had a good academic rep, the last of which is rising rapidly thanks to a new head and a large injection of cash. That's the one I like the idea of for DS'1. It's smaller (only 600 pupils) and has seriously improving academic results - every teacher I know in the area tells me that it is a very good school and getting better.

Sadly although DS was OK with this to start with he has now learnt that all his mates are going to one of the 2 schools I wouldn't be at all happy with - big campuses, reputation for bullying, bad reputation discipline wise). So now he wants to go there. DH hadn't really talked about it that much and I thought we'd reached the point where we'd visit them all but probably try to steer DS to one of the more academic schools. Tonight when MIL was here we had a minor row about this. DH reckons DS must go where he wants. Me - that DS will go where we want him to go with persuasion and if neccessary some sweeteners. He thinks I've got a broom up my backside about education as I went to a private school. And I think he needs to get out of his 70's liberal mindset that it's down to a 10yr old to decide his future!!! I really thought we were together on this more or less. If I have to persuade DH and DS how the hell do I manage it. Where do we go from here? DH is the most stubborn bu**er in the world.

Help!

[gringottsgoblin]

ask dh how many of his mates he kept from primary once he got to secondary. and hope he made new friends, otherwise thats not such a good point to make!

[OrmIrian]

Sadly he went to the only primary school in the village and then to the only secondary school in the area - so most of them I guess! But nice idea . But not in touch with any of them now.
.

[KaySamuels]

Are any of your ds' friends going to the school you like? Even if they do go to same schools, they may still not see each other all day as may be in different classes! Also he may change his circle of friends completely regardless of whether his primary school friends are around or not! I would work on your ds if dh is stubborn. If the two horrid schools really are horrid and you really wouldn't send a dog to them then put your foot down!

My sister and I went to good up and coming lovely school of my mums chosen, litllest sister stamped her feet and went to school all her mates were going to, we are all of the same intelligence but the differences to our schooling, results and now our adult lives are staggering!!!!

You are not insisting on paying for private school, just trying to find your son the nicest school out of your choices available.

10 years old is far too young for this decision I think!

[KaySamuels]

Sorry about typos got wriggly ds on my knee!

[gringottsgoblin]

lol, not much use then! altho i hardly socialised with any of my primary school friends even tho most of us did go to same school. would be shame to miss good school if he did same.

[OrmIrian]

Yes it is - way to young. He is still too young and daft to take charge of his diet let alone his future.
is a godsend.

One of our neighbours has 2 kids there already and DS's best mate in the street is her youngest who will be going there at the same time as DS. But that hasn't made a difference. He is too in love with the idea of having a gang of mates. Which drives me wild!!

Beleive me the school he wants to go to is awful. I mentored there for a while and it was heart-breaking. I have a feeling that if DS went there he'll really get nowhere. He needs a little pushing and encouragement as well as a nurturing environment. Our town isn't exactly blessed with great schools and the fact that one on our doorstep is actually looking so promising

I've just learnt that pupils of my old school can get a bursary to Wells Cathedral school. I might threaten to look into it just to wind DH up. He is so anti-private schools it might just work - anything in preference.

[OrmIrian]

Woooah! That went a bit weird... but I'm sure careful reading will make sense of it...

[OrmIrian]

What I meant to say at the end of the paragraph was "Our town isn't exactly blessed with great schools and the fact that one on our doorstep is actually looking so promising is a godsend"

[OrmIrian]

It's more difficult because DH's school years were pretty disastrous although he is one of the most intelligent men I know. He ended up with 2 poor A levels. I'm dreading him saying 'I didn't bother with school and I'm alright' because then I'll be tempted to point out that at 45 he's still earning peanuts as an (unqualified) chippy and all our peers are living in lovely big houses and going abroad twice a year. A fact which he hates.

[JHKE]

Am in 2 minds about this... On one hand I'd say yes 10 is too young to decide which school to go to... but then on the other hand, I went to a school in a different area to those from primary school and I found it very hard to make friends.. as everyone already knew each other it was hard to get into that circle. I agreed to the choice of school very happily.