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How much time does your dh/dp spend on hobbies/sports

(16 Posts)
mumtodd Wed 01-Aug-07 21:55:48

Just wondering how much time your dh/dp spends doing his own thing every week, outside of work or spending time with you or the dc's. We have one dd and I think dh takes for granted all the free time he gets. He is very involved in sport so when the season is in full swing he trains about 5 hours a week and then usually has a match at the weekend which can be anything up to 5 hours depending on where it is on. On top of this he also plays golf every now and then. He is always telling me I should get out more and do something for myself but whenever I mention something he is always busy.
I know he loves his sport and has been doing it since he was a child but is 10 hours+ a week a lot to expect?

BigGitDad Wed 01-Aug-07 22:00:08

I wish I could spend 10 hrs a week doing sport but Mrs BGD would take a contract out on my life if I did that. Once we had the kids my sport took second place. Maybe when they get older I may be able to get involved more and certainly I hope to get involved in a coaching capacity if my kids want to do the sports I enjoy or if they get involved with horses as MrsBGD hopes then I will be the main driver...

mumtodd Wed 01-Aug-07 22:04:46

Thanks for the reply BGD. I think I am a saint for putting up with it but dh seems to think it's perfectly normal. Sometimes I think it's the lesser of two evils though because if he doesn't spend several hours a week allowing men to swing at his head with wooden sticks he seems to get very grumpy.

BigGitDad Wed 01-Aug-07 22:25:39

Well he would do because he would miss the social aspect and also by playing he is getting rid of stresses etc. But he will have to learn!

elastamum Wed 01-Aug-07 22:27:40

I think it is whatever works for you both.My DH is into ocean racing so he disappears for days at a time, I guess ive got used to it, but at least I know where he is (more or less) and there is no drink on board! He also works away a lot but when he is home he does spend as much time as possible with me and the boys. Its swings and roundabouts, I keep horses so I try to get out riding every day when the kids are at school and DH is working. Also, I introduced him to sailing so I have only myself to blame

mumtodd Wed 01-Aug-07 22:32:12

At the moment it works well for him but not so much for me. If I was to take an evening off to do something I would prefer if he was at home with dd rather than arranging a babysitter. Dh works two evenings a week at the moment so with the sport as well he is gone 4 nights a week and one evening at the weekend.

NotQuiteCockney Thu 02-Aug-07 07:20:35

Ouch, that's hard, him being away that much. If you want to go out, when he's out, does he arrange the babysitter? Or do you?

10+ hours per week, on top of lots of work, seems like a lot.

sallysparrow Thu 02-Aug-07 09:33:13

This was one of the causes of my separation from DP. He played pool or snooker weekly, but this turned into extra matches and training sessions, and meant certain days were sacrosanct.

If I asked if he could call a raincheck so I could go to something one off, eg a friends do or PTA meeting, I got a lecture about loyalty to the team and how I couldnt understand that as a woman

Eventually it got so my social life consisted of a PTA meeting once a term, while he was out at least 3 nights a week. having no relatives nearby meant that we could only go out together if a friend could babysit, and if we did, the conversation turned to his work or his prowess in the team.

Sorry to sound so negative when there are plenty of sport widows out there who manage well, but I think it can only work if you get plenty of time to do your own thing as well.

Good luck!

theman Thu 02-Aug-07 11:46:11

well i'd be about the same as the op's other half.
train twice a week and match at the weekend and maybe squeeze in a game of five a side if possible.

sallysparrow Thu 02-Aug-07 11:54:22

Interestingly I have a friend who regularly runs, and her X stays with her DC while she is out. This includes a club and group training sessions. yet she complains all the time that she never gets out.

So i suppose its a matter of perception.

bozza Thu 02-Aug-07 12:06:39

My DH plays golf. He usually plays once a week and is out for about 5 hours, but sometimes will also have an hour or so at the driving range on a Friday teatime when he finishes early. But this week he is playing his usual Saturday but also tonight at 4.30 (so will be home about 9 ish) which means totally missing out on the children tonight - it is a competition with a deadline. It wouldn't be so bad but we are going on holiday early on Monday, I am at work today, have a cold, am looking after my friends DC tomorrow, PILs are coming for tea on Saturday (is DH's birthday while we are on holiday), and SIL has just e-mailed about coming on Sunday with her DS!

DrNortherner Thu 02-Aug-07 12:12:45

My dh plays golf, but only about once a month. But he does go out and do an hour of something every day, either driving range, squash, running or cycling.

Scampynoodle Thu 02-Aug-07 12:12:50

I don't think that the amount of time he spends doing this stuff is as important as how much chance you get to do your own thing too. There has to be a balance. How come his need to go out, see friends, vent his stress is greater than yours? It's not.

I'd take a two pronged approach (or approach him with something that has two prongs).

First take his advice and do something. Find something that you enjoy that you can do without him or your nipper. It could be seeing mates, going to a class, whatever - as long as it's regular and often. Then, once it is arranged, do it. Don't let anything stop you, even if it means turning up at his training shesh with the baby and handing her over to him.

Second, explain that he needs to grow up a pinch. Not completely but just a bit. The thing is that having kids means that you do have to change the way you live to accommodate them. It's a pisser but there you go. Perhaps he can still train a few hours a week but do more on weekends or whatever works for you.

With a nipper on the way at the moment my dh and I have already chatted about all this malarchy. We've both discussed what interests we'd like to keep up with after the birth and what we can do to make sure that each of us has the space we need. We'll have to be flexible and I know that some weeks 'me' time will be impossible. That doesn't matter just as long as there's a balance. I've already booked to do my A level in art. I'm bloody determined.

Coo, I hope that helps.

Sx

bozza Thu 02-Aug-07 13:53:09

My main problem with DH's golf is when it clashes with something that one of the children is doing (eg a birthday party the other isn't invited to), and I make it clear to DH that it is his responsibility to organise a babysitter.

cestlavie Thu 02-Aug-07 14:32:14

I'd love to have 10+ hours a week to spend on sport but DW would be somewhat less than thrilled by me doing so! It would also mean that I'd have much less time with DS. Used to run and play football before DS arrived on the scene - now try to fit bits in as best I can (e.g. go for run at 5.30am at weekends whilst everyone is asleep).

Phraedd Thu 02-Aug-07 21:03:25

i too have this problem.

hubby is at tennis at least 2 evenings a week (from about 6pm) and at least one day of the weekend. He is at his tennis club about 5 times a week and i get really, really miffed about it. I feel like a single parent.

It is me that gets the children up, breakfasted and dressed. It is me that makes packed lunches and takes the children to school. It is me that picks up from school and cooks the evening meal. It is me that tidies the kitchen, does the homework and reading with the children. It is me that does the bath and bedtime with the children. It is me that does the housework, laundry and shopping.

Where is my time off?

Hubby works from home and takes our youngest to nursery and picks him up but then "forgets" to give him lunch. I worked everyday 8.45 - 1.15 (at my childrens school)and had to make lunch for hubby and ds2 when i got home (as well as tidy up the breakfast bits if i didn't have time before i left for work)

I have recently changed my hours so now i do mon and tues 8.45 - 3.15, wed off (to do housework and shopping!), Thurs 8.45 - 1.15 and fri is 8.30 - 1.15.

Work is very slow for him at the moment and he is working maybe 10 - 15 hours a week.

And yet he wonders why i am always tired????

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