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Wtf is going on with dh

(691 Posts)
holidayharpie Mon 29-Jul-19 23:36:15

I'm currently on holiday. DH has been suffering depression for years and done nothing to help himself despite significant support. I work very long hours and in the run up to the holiday I've been working very long hours for a few months. DC 14 and 16 have been complaining about his behaviour and I have found him difficult. This holiday his behaviour has become bizarre. He's been NC with his parents for 20 years and many of his behaviours are identical to his dads. Examples
1) unable to take any criticism or perceived criticism. This may include a look from dd14 if he flicks sand on her etc, not actually criticism. He flies of the handle, shouting, accusations, storming off.
2) constant threats of leaving the place we are at, the holiday and me.
3) his mouth is constantly hanging open, all day and all night, he didn't do this before.
4) biting his nails, his fingers and scratching his nostrils
5) eating everything, all the food to share, all the snacks etc. Literally stuffing handfuls of crisps etc into iOS mouth. He's always been v slim and was a fitness model, he's looking v out of shape. (I am concerned about him not what he looks like)
6) greedy odd behaviour, ordering 3 courses when everyone's having a snack etc. It doesn't bother me for the money or food, but it's very different to his usual self.
7) sleeping 10+ hours a night and snoring, can't wake up, foul tempered when he wakes up.

What's happening to him? We're all on egg shells in case he has a massive tantrum.
This morning dd wanted a pastry, I said 'oh sorry i think your dad just had the last one' and he went berserk, calling me a liar, saying I was turning everyone against him etc. This was on the veranda of the hotel with other guests around.
It's so hard to manage his moods.
Any ideas?

C0untDucku1a Mon 29-Jul-19 23:39:05


Singlenotsingle Mon 29-Jul-19 23:45:00

There's something seriously wrong with his MH. How old is he? I have to admit I've got no medical knowledge at all, but have you considered it might be dementia?

rightteous Tue 30-Jul-19 00:03:43

He doesn’t sound right. Could it be symptoms of early onset Alzheimer’s? I think you’d best contact a GP

Pinnacular Tue 30-Jul-19 00:10:21

Some kind of change to his breathing (sinus, septum, weight gain, tissue growth etc) causing sleep apnoea leading to sleep deprivation, hunger and fowl moods?

Bufferingkisses Tue 30-Jul-19 00:15:16

That does sound medical rather than simply arseishness. I don't think there's anything you can do now but I wonder if you can get him to the gp once home? Ideally with you as well if possible to explain the changes from the outside?

Paranoia, overeating, mood swings... theres also a word for the face/hair touching thing but it escapes me right now.

Flower32 Tue 30-Jul-19 00:16:11

Agree with previous posters that he needs to see a doctor if these are new behaviours and he has history of mental health problems. Has he been taking his normal medicines while on holiday or has there been any recent changes to meds if he takes any ?

Pinnacular Tue 30-Jul-19 00:17:54

*foul moods... Unless he's acting like a chicken. Sleep apnoea can cause hunger by affecting the hormones controlling appetite. This causes weight gain, worsening the apnoea, and on it goes.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 30-Jul-19 00:19:22

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RaggeddeeAnn Tue 30-Jul-19 00:21:48

It does sound MH related to have such a personality change. What support has he had over the years? You said significant, but what exactly? Is he with a MH team? Does he have a care coordinator or consultant?

holidayharpie Tue 30-Jul-19 00:23:15

Thanks for your replies.
Unbeknownst to me he changed his medication 3 weeks before we came away but he won't tell me what to.
I'm frightened. He's 6'6 and his temper tantrums are terrifying.
His dad did all but the sleeping for so long. DH bitterly complained about all these behaviours.

holidayharpie Tue 30-Jul-19 00:24:02

He has had extensive therapy.

Pumpkintopf Tue 30-Jul-19 00:24:49

If you are frightened op can you and the children leave? Get somewhere safe?

Jabbercocky Tue 30-Jul-19 00:26:32

He’s never going to go to the doctor is he. What is he going to say? “I’m told I’m turning into my dad who was a massive dickhead”. The quack will tell him to stroll on.
If he doesn’t see he has a problem, he isn’t going to be motivated to seek help let alone change. The only way to instil this motivation in him is through the twin strategies of SHOCK and AWE. Be sudden. Be resolute. Start divorce proceedings and be clear why. If this doesn’t start him on the requisite path, you will be well shot. If it does, you’ve got your old husband back.
Look at the trajectory he is on. Where will that lead in 2yrs, 5yrs, 10yrs. Fancy some of that? The longer it goes on for, the more entrenched the perception of normality becomes - his perception and yours.

sunnydays78 Tue 30-Jul-19 00:29:30

Is he maybe taking medication for his depression secretly?
It would explain the hunger and mouth open

MarieBaroneIsMyMom Tue 30-Jul-19 00:33:16

Any history of heroin use?
Are his pupils dilated?

HoofWankingSpangleCunt Tue 30-Jul-19 00:33:39

Oh my lovely, that sounds horrendous.
I'm concerned that you say you're frightened of him, how long have you got till you go home? I would be thinking seriously about leaving early or getting a different hotel. Of course that might be too pricey and how would your H react to that? Also, why should your kids have to.either put up with his behaviour or leave their holiday early?
Perhaps a word with reception might help you get a separate room for the 3 of you.
I' sorry, I know what it's like to be with someone having extreme mental health issues on holiday (and at home ofc),, although your H sounds positively terrifying.
Please stay safe Op.

AltheaVestr1t Tue 30-Jul-19 00:34:52


EKGEMS Tue 30-Jul-19 00:35:47

He sounds like he's having a terrible reaction to his new Rx or he has come off his Rx and is in acute manic phase of bipolar mental illness. He needs to be admitted to an inpatient psychiatric hospital for stabilization. If you feel unsafe you have to get the local police involved.

ineedaholidaynow Tue 30-Jul-19 00:37:24

Are you abroad?

Flower32 Tue 30-Jul-19 00:37:34

You could try to ring the normal mental health team he's under and explain the situation, they should be able to advise you in some way on the phone. They normally have some sort of crisis team who are used to dealing with this kind of thing. Could you explain to the hotel and ask if they have any spare rooms where you could stay?

VenusTiger Tue 30-Jul-19 00:38:59

Film him asleep, film his odd behaviour, film his outbursts and keep as evidence for either MH pro or for him if he tries to ignore the fact that all of this isn’t a big deal.

In the meantime could you find a different hotel or hotel room and suggest he is keeping you awake and you need some sleep and leave him to it for a bit.

Could you find his meds and look up side effects online.

holidayharpie Tue 30-Jul-19 00:41:43

I'm in a developing country, in a remote area. We booked this holiday 9 months ago. It was a 'once in a lifetime' special trip to see a natural history event. I've saved for this for 10years. It's my 40th birthday so I saved and saved and now he's like this.
It's not heroin. Could be new medication.

foreverhanging Tue 30-Jul-19 00:43:08

Are you sure he's taking medication at all?

ineedaholidaynow Tue 30-Jul-19 00:44:12

Does he acknowledge at all that his behaviour has changed?

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