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I left DH and now OM has gone

(253 Posts)
Betrayedandithurts Sun 21-Jul-19 15:59:03

OM and I had been having an affair For past 6 years. During this time we both left partners on different occasions For each other but the timing was never right. First DH lost his job and I couldn’t leave and then OM’s wife had depression then she was sick, but wasn’t really, and he couldn’t leave and then both have had issues with children and timing wasnt right. Both DH and his wife know about us obviously.

Children now older and we decide we had to do it now and we both said we will leave together and I have and my divorce Has finally come through but now OM has disappeared off the face of the earth. I am heartbroken and don’t understand how he can do this to me.Don’t know what to do. He isn’t a nice person is he? Why would he disappear. His wife knows I am divorcing and do you think she just pulling another one of her sick stunts? Sickness, depression, or whatever other thing she has done Before to make him stay? Or is it him?

MrsSpenserGregson Sun 21-Jul-19 16:00:35


Freddolin Sun 21-Jul-19 16:01:15

Well he's obviously not a nice person, is he, if he's been lying to his family for years.

So it shouldn't be a massive surprise that he's doing similar to you.

Redglitter Sun 21-Jul-19 16:02:02

He isn’t a nice person is he

Hes been cheating on his wife for six years. I think that answers your question

S1naidSucks Sun 21-Jul-19 16:02:40

Lesson learned. You’ve been a good fuck buddy for him, but he knows where he’s well off, so you would be better just moving on. Please don’t treat your ex as an even bigger fool, by crawling back to him, because the other cheat you were with, has dumped you.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 21-Jul-19 16:02:53

Oh dear. Well at least you’re out of your unhappy marriage. If you and OM were meant to be you would be.

BlackBirdInMyGarden Sun 21-Jul-19 16:03:32

Well, I guess the plus side is that you have finally ended your marriage which will give both you and your ex-husband the chance to move on and hopefully fin relationships that are right for you.

There's no way for any of us to know what is happening with your OM. All you can know for sure is that when the time came he didn't want to go through with it after all.

I think the best you can do now is to focus on yourself and your own life as a single person. How are your children coping with your divorce?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Sun 21-Jul-19 16:03:48

Oh diddums.

As if that couldn’t have been predicted and avoided. hmm

Raffles1981 Sun 21-Jul-19 16:04:25

You've made your bed, lie in it. What do you expect on here? He's a liar, a cheat and cannot find his backbone to make a decision. If he wanted to be with you, he would.

sonjadog Sun 21-Jul-19 16:06:47

This is a very common scenario. The OM was interested in the excitement of the affair, when it was about to become a regular relationship, he lost interest. However, the good thing that has come out of it is that it has made you end your relationship with your DH rather than just pottering along unhappily together. So spend some time now getting your act together, build your life on your own and then when you are ready, try building a fresh relationship with someone who is single.

OhTheRoses Sun 21-Jul-19 16:07:53

Well if a marriage is over, it's over. Regardless of whether there's another man or not. If you were disengaged from your dh 6 or 7 years ago you should have left 6 or 7 years ago regardless of whether there was another man.

I really, really hope your dh's response is "nah, sorry love, you had your chance.

Couldn't really care how the other man has treated you. It's no worse than you have treated your dh and his wife.

Been on MNet a long time. First ever biscuit. You stupid woman.

Now you have to make a life alone so I suggest you suck it up and get on with it.

Betrayedandithurts Sun 21-Jul-19 16:08:21

But ignoring me now is so horrible and mean and there has to be a reason isn’t there? He promised we were divorcing at the same time and said wife had agreed to his divorce to but now I don’t believe him.

CherryPavlova Sun 21-Jul-19 16:08:28

Your behaviour is immoral, as is his. As you sow and all that.

beanaseireann Sun 21-Jul-19 16:08:50

If he cheats with you he'll probably cheat on you.

NoTheresa Sun 21-Jul-19 16:10:00

No sympathy to offer.

taylorowmu Sun 21-Jul-19 16:11:19

But ignoring me now is so horrible and mean and there has to be a reason isn’t there

Yes. He is a twat. But you must have known that since you have been shagging him for 6 years confused

GlitchStitch Sun 21-Jul-19 16:11:36

His wife knows I am divorcing and do you think she just pulling another one of her sick stunts?

More sick than you and her husband lying and cheating for years, backwards and forwards emotionally torturing your spouses? You've got a nerve.

Morgan12 Sun 21-Jul-19 16:11:40

What it is they say again? Karmas a ?

Betrayedandithurts Sun 21-Jul-19 16:12:13

I am relives to have end my marriage and DH is too. Children are taking it well as home hasn’t been a happy place for them since way before OM and we are all happier in that way but I am so hurt by OM. For 6 years we had talked about this and planned for it and he kept saying it’s what he wants and he just gone and I am really sad.

Morgan12 Sun 21-Jul-19 16:12:43

In all seriousness though you have royally fucked this one up. Clearly you didn't mean much to him and you have destroyed your marriage for him. Oh dear.

Cobblersandhogwash Sun 21-Jul-19 16:12:59

Oh well.

I'm sure you'll find another married man to fuck.

Chin up. Lots of willing candidates about. Enjoy yourself.

Biancadelrioisback Sun 21-Jul-19 16:13:16

Consider this a lucky escape all around.
You from him and your husband from you.

taylorowmu Sun 21-Jul-19 16:13:28

For 6 years we had talked about this and planned for it and he kept saying it’s what he wants and he just gone and I am really sad.

Oh well.

MitziK Sun 21-Jul-19 16:14:20

It's him.

He used you. And you've served your purpose.

But at least you aren't in an unhappy marriage/lying any more. Won't feel like it at the moment, but that will probably be the best thing to come out of this for you.

Betrayedandithurts Sun 21-Jul-19 16:14:21

The unkind comments aren’t nice and you don’t know why I had affair in the first place. I had arranged marriage and DH and his family treated me like there servant for whole time. OM was kind and loving and promised me and give me so much happiness.

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