DIVORCING sulking H!

[jamaisjedors]

This is my fourth thread ! (Long-time mn-er.)

I initially started a thread reluctantly in December after my H ruined my birthday weekend (and 1st anniversay of my dad's death) by giving me the silent treatment all weekend to "punish me" for not being grateful enough for him coming away and buying me a present and a card.

//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?msgid=84022238

Thanks to some amazing posters I realised that H's behaviour (which was not at all a one-off) was abusive and unacceptable.

I prepared to leave him and got plans in place but got "hoovered" back in by H with promises of joint counselling, individual counselling for him, and regular "date nights". Unfortunately none of that changed the dynamic in our relationship : 2nd thread :

//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3498886-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking-part2?msgid=85957683

I started a 3rd thread in May when H and I had decided to separate :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3580872-LEAVING-sulking-H?msgid=88239005

and that's when things got nightmarish.

As everyone on here pointed out, the most dangerous time for women is when they decide to leave an abusive partner.

In a nutshell, H went missing, had an acute psychotic episode, was admitted to a psychiatric facility and is still in there now.

Staff at the hospital warned me H could be dangerous for me and advised me to move out asap which I did, in fear for my life.

Things now are on a reasonably even keel 2 months on but now the battle is managing H who is continuing his abusive behaviour and also protecting the DC (12 & 14) - H is expecting to get joint custody.

Thanks again to all the wonderful posters who have advised me, informed me, cheered me on, shared their experiences and generally been an invaluable source of support over the last 7-8 months.

[MitziK]

Following - to see you continue to make things better for yourself and your DC.

[greengrower]

Glad to see you on a fourth thread, hope this one sees a decent outcome for you x

[Allinadaystwerk]

OP your thread inspired me to post my own today and every One has been wonderful. I do hope you go well and increase in happiness. Would love to hear how you progress

[Nix32]

I've followed all your threads - you are amazing. It's a long road, but you're on it!

[TacCat49]

Well done. You are on your way to a happy and normal life.
Maybe other experienced posters will tell you what evidence you need to ensure the mad fucker doesn't have access to the kids.

[pointythings]

I've been following you since your first thread and will continue to do so - you are awesome.

[Misty9]

Hey! Good to hear from you and hope things improve soon x

[sausage1968]

I've followed all your threads and you are so inspiring....well done you !!!!

[stucknoue]

I'm glad things are going ok, I'm in the same process (minus the mental health stuff) so am getting inspiration from you

[RandomMess]

I can't quite believe it's been 8 months! You are doing so well KOKO

[Haffdonga]

[justilou1]

You are amazing!

[Weenurse]

💐

[CharityDingle]

I don't think I have a huge amount to offer in terms of advice but am totally in your corner. You are an amazing woman. Roll on your time away with your family from all of this absolute rubbish that he sets up.

[balonzz]

Another one who has been silently following and wishing you all good things. Also going through similar

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Good to hear from you! And happy to hear that you're getting divorced from the abusive twit.
Hope you manage to get you and the kids away safely.

If he's still psychotic, will that not mean he's unable to care for the children? I don't mean that mental health problems per se would be a reason to keep him away, but being in the midst of an actual psychotic episode would surely render him incapable of giving them proper/appropriate care levels? What does your solicitor/legal advisor say?

[StickybeakSiameezie]

Good luck in your lovely new house

[MintyT]

Thank you for the 4th thread I too have silently followed, I think of you often and wish you well , your stronger than you think you are when you have to be, if that makes sense.

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another silent follower wishing you the absolute best

[Georgepigthedragon]

Following and wishing you well. You have come such a long way these past few months

[Mix56]

Well it has gone back to "Go" hasn't it, he is giving you the silent treatment since he recieved the summons. I suppose he thinks this will make you anxious & therefor punish you
But actually you have now seen how the FOG is a tool he uses to manipulate & it no longer works.
I hope he brings DC back as planned, although I expect he won't.
In reality this will be extremely tiring for him, (due to his mental health & the medication & simply that he has always put his needs before everyone elses ) I would ask DS's how much of the time they spend with their father he is actually AWAKE, as if he is taking himself off to sleep for long periods he is not ready to have them alone, (altho he hasn't had them alone that much so far)

[eddielizzard]

I'm another voice with no advice, but support and sympathy for what you're having to deal with. You sound like you have a great network of friends, and your policy of keeping calm and factual is exactly what is needed. Your DC are very lucky to have you in their corner.

[Happynow001]

You have been amazingly strong Jamais. I've been following your threads from the first one and you see so clearly now and are mentally more prepared to deal with this storm you and the children are in.

I have faith that you will get to the other side of what was/is an abusive relationship and you can live your life in calm, safety happiness.

Power to you my dear. 🌹

[k567]

I have been lurking from the beginning but I have to say how brave and strong you have been, you are amazing. Your children are lucky to have such a good role model. All the best for the future, you all deserve peace and happiness

[jamaisjedors]

Feeling a bit teary now with all of you cheering me on - I couldn't have got here without you all.

Sometimes in the past I've got cross with myself for the amount of time I've "wasted" browsing mumsnet but every minute spent on here has been worth it for the support I have had over these last few months.

I hope I can give something back too - I'm very sad to see that other women are in a similar position and am happy to PM/be PM-ed if anyone wants or needs to chat.