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Partner covered up past STD, struggling to conceive .

(59 Posts)
Helena112 Fri 12-Jul-19 14:36:56

Hello, I'm not really sure I'm posing in the correct place. But I'm looking for some advice, as I'm so angry and upset with my husband.

A bit of background.
We fell pregnant in October 2018, but sadly at the 12week scan the baby had in fact stopped growing at 9 and a half weeks. I had to have a D&C.
My periods haven't returned since the missed misscarage almost 8 months ago! I've had numerous appointments and have since been diagnosed with possible PCOS. I've attended most of these appointments on my own. I've been asked by most doctors, is there any change you could have an infection.. I've quickly responded no. I've only ever had one partner this being my husband. He has had 1 past relationship, but I didn't think much of it.

Well before I'm allowed to start Clomid to force ovulation we have to have 3 tests done.. He must have a sperm test, I must have a HGS test and a 3 way swap incase of infection or STIs. (Again I attended this appointment alone) and did explain to the doctor i was very unlikely to have an STI.

After explaining the outcome of the appointment to my husband he said he was sure he didn't have any STIs, too sure.... I asked how he was so sure? He just said he knew... he then said his ex had had Chlymida.. and he was tested and given the antibiotics just as precaution... I wasn't sure he was telling the truth.. it then later came out he was in fact lying. They had both had chlymida ! And both given antibiotics to clear it.

He "thinks" the antibiotics cleared it... he was never called back in to check if the infection had in fact gone.

What hurts the most is that he never told me, I've been with him for 6 years! If I have caught this from him it's been in my body for 6 years and could be the reason why we are having so much trouble.

Am I over reacting to this ? He keeps saying it was in the past and he didn't think it was relevant !
I see it as really relevant !!

I have no symptoms but this week wait for the results is killing me. I'm so close to leaving him. How can he of had an STD and not told me confused.

Would you expect your husband to have told you of and STD 4 years before you met? That he took antibiotics for ?

Thank you for your time and support xxx

Farmerswifey12 Fri 12-Jul-19 18:10:51

Hi OP I'm sorry for what you are going through.

But I agree with some of the others that I think you are over reacting. This is understandable given your current emotions and situation, but honestly it was years before you met, he was treated, and he was probably just ashamed to tell you.

You need to park this until you actially get any results and think about it rationally,

Helena112 Fri 12-Jul-19 18:15:44

Thank you for all of your opinions.
Having read all of your comments I do feel calmer about the situation.
I think I was perhaps blowing it up inside my own mind.

My results will be back in next week.. and I'll have to take it from there.
I'm holding onto the hope that my urine test during the booking appointment might of flagged something sinister up.

Im just upset that I'd been asked about history of STIs in my appointments and was possibly giving the wrong information. I just believed he would of told me. We are in a loving and honest relationship. It just hurt to know I didn't know this about him.

I've learnt a lot from this that's for sure.

Mary1935 Fri 12-Jul-19 18:23:26

Hi OP it must have been on his mind but he did only tell you when he knew you where being tested yourself. Maybe he felt guilty.
I hope it all works out for you.

baubled Fri 12-Jul-19 18:25:19

OP it's a hard thing to bring up, I certainly wouldn't be telling my DP unless absolutely necessary and I know that from experience.

Its not because he doesn't trust telling you, It's because it's embarrassing and there's definitely a stigma.

If he's had antibiotics and then you were the next person he slept with you're so unlikely to have it. You're not asked to go back after treatment because of how well the antibiotics work.

Im pretty sure the urine test at booking in checks for chlamydia amongst other infections!

NoBaggyPants Fri 12-Jul-19 18:27:22

Does he know about every infection you've ever had?

We need to get over the stigma around STIs. We all have a past, we don't have to disclose every detail of it to people we meet in the future.

bobstersmum Fri 12-Jul-19 19:58:47

Op 7 weeks on the metformin is not long. Give it chance.

Helena112 Wed 17-Jul-19 18:08:48

Still waiting for the test result 8 days later 😓

Capricornandproud Wed 17-Jul-19 19:40:41

How are you doing OP? When do you get your results??

Helena112 Wed 17-Jul-19 21:10:41

The results were due on Friday.. but they lost the sample ! Then since found it.. so I'm still waiting on the result!! It's not easy having to wait so long sad problem is the fertility doctor won't book my HSG test without the results. It's holding us back sad

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