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For those of you who had difficult mums growing up & those dm's are now in their 70s..

(26 Posts)
PennyPeaShooter Fri 12-Jul-19 11:01:34

How did getting older impact their outlook on life/their views/the quirks of their personality? I've been NC now for a very long time & I'm wondering how my dm might have changed over time? Might her anger & irritation have become magnified or might it have receded as old age & ill health take their course? I watched my mil get older & then die & she drifted off into a soft bubble of her own fantasies & her anger fell away because she couldn't remember old things that had upset her. What are your experiences with mothers aging?

crosser62 Fri 12-Jul-19 19:09:54

My difficult mother is like a different person in her later years.

She has had a very difficult life, experienced many awful situations as a result was not the nicest of people.
I went nc for 7 years because she just made it too difficult to have any kind of normal relationship with her.

Grandchildren came along.
She has completely mellowed, relaxed and is nice company.
I spend time with her having normal grown up conversations, she listens and she is interested and is absolutely delighted to see the kids.

She still has moments .. well occasional glimmers of her past nastiness, bitterness and unreasonable behaviour but they are fleeting and rare and never aimed at me anymore.

It’s like she has discovered that life/love/ relationships are more important now than forcing aggression and opinions on everyone around her.

She is naturally kind, it doesn’t seem forced and she is genuinely happy to be in our company.

That’s my take, my siblings are far less accepting of the new her (it’s been about 10 years now) and the atmosphere is tense and edgy when they are around. I avoid that and them with everything I have in me.
They are willing and waiting to confront her at any opportunity unfortunately.

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