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(322 Posts)
Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 09:39:29

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

woodwhitecand Fri 12-Jul-19 10:58:58

i'll call the number!

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:59:44

It’s not her. I’ve found who that is. Damn!! Thought I was on to something

whatwouldbigfatfannydo Fri 12-Jul-19 11:00:31

You should still go out! Leave him home alone and check out for tonight. Take yourself for dinner and book a hotel. You bloody well deserve some time for yourself.

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:01:01

Yeah he’s always ignored my friend requests when I used to have Facebook and won’t have me on Instagram either. When he did add me once on Facebook, within 2 days of me tagging him in a pic of me and him, the first woman messaged me.

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 11:01:00

Honestly it's times like this I wish this wasn't anonymous 😂 me and my friend are the Queens of stalking online. She is the ultimate FBI and we'd have this solved ASAP hahaha.

usersouthcoast Fri 12-Jul-19 11:01:19

Is there a room he always goes into to talk on the phone at home?
If so, could you leave your phone somewhere hidden in that room with voice recorder on? May be a long wait, but you might catch him.
A weekend maybe when he doesn't get to run off to work?
Or be wife of the year and get up to go out with the kids early Saturday morning so he has a rest (after you've fallen woken him with coffee), then maybe he'll ring her and you've got your recording?

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 11:01:48

When he did add me once on Facebook, within 2 days of me tagging him in a pic of me and him, the first woman message

How have you not run for the hills already?!?!?

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:02:51

If only 😓 the wages are what he earns and there’s about £70 in the bank. We live week to week and they’re pretty much gone between the bills, food and his fags. I need to crack on and do something because the teen has just got up and asked me what’s wrong.

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 11:03:13

@usersouthcoast this is a good idea, however I'd be way too impatient.

I'm way too invested in this thread right now 😂 we will get to the bottom of this!!!!

Theworldcouldbemymollusc Fri 12-Jul-19 11:03:21

to be honest it sounds more like you are the other woman not her. He is ringing her for hours a day. You don’t even need to dig any deeper - you don’t trust him - just go. He has cheated on you multiple times and will continue to do so. You can do this op - if not for you then to show your teens what is not acceptable in a relationship. Good luck.

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:04:09

He works weekends and is up before me. I think he’s going for a fag and using his phone outside. I’m going to have to get sneaky with this.

crankyassnoperope Fri 12-Jul-19 11:04:59

God, yeah, go out! Find a pub with some live music, or take a book.

Don't forget, you haven't been as big a fool as he has. HE'S the one who's failed miserably at relationships right here, you have been the success! He's let the side down - more fool him. You've done a good job, you've succeeded in being not a total arsehole in a relationship, and unfortunately for you the person you've been in one with has failed. He's a failure. You are not. You will walk out of this with far more than he will, he will only take with him his pitiable failure as a partner and as a human being. Good luck to him. He's the fool.

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 11:05:07

@Michellepebbles86 it's your rented property though, right?

If you kick him out (which you definitely should) you can get help towards your rent and living costs as a single parent. It seems scary at first, but there is help out there!

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:09:48

Yeah. It I don’t start my new job properly until September. I’m in training for 2 hours a day 5 days a week over August so I can’t claim anything until I’m actually contracted in September. So I’m buggered until then. I can’t claim jsa as I’m in that training and I won’t get any other benefit. We’re behind with rent, my council tax is through the roof due to an overpayment last year and it’s all such a mess. I can’t put my kids in the position of maybe losing the house. It’s my home and he moved in with me but his wages pay everything. The child tax credit just about covers food and stuff the kids need.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 12-Jul-19 11:09:49

Oh OP this must be horrendous.
I totally understand the need for 'proof'
That stomach churning feeling when you are trying to figure out who numbers belong to etc......
I really hope you find something soon.
Although, you know you don't need proof right!?
There is no court of law here.

Princessfaffalot Fri 12-Jul-19 11:10:27

Oh god OP I’m so sorry, what an absolute shit.

I’ll call the number and would gladly go to the pub! X

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:12:13

I’m going to search his drawers. I feel like I’m invading privacy and I’m a crazy woman but I have to find something

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 11:12:20

Oh, shit. I didn't realise things were like that, my bad.

Definitely time to gather your evidence in prep for when your job is secured in Sept.

crankyassnoperope Fri 12-Jul-19 11:14:39

If it's any help I think I speak for many of us when I say given the situation he's put you in it isn't crazy at all to be looking through the drawers. It's perfectly understandable.

usersouthcoast Fri 12-Jul-19 11:15:45

I second crankys post, and ALL the pub posts xx

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:20:16

There’s nothing

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 11:21:03

Not even a receipt. I’m clueless to why he took so much money out yesterday just for a work training day. He dressed up aswell. We share a bank card and account because he got in debt with his. So I see everything

usersouthcoast Fri 12-Jul-19 11:21:22

Bank or credit card statements?

labyrinth Fri 12-Jul-19 11:21:44

Dont just check his drawers but check places that he wouldn't think you would look. His coat pockets, gym bag, anywhere that he considers his space that you aren't likely to be. Although I imagine it's probably all on his phone.
I commando crawled round the bed at 4am and snook into the bathroom to check his phone. Is that an option for you OP? or does he have a passcode that you're not privy to?

GidgetGirl Fri 12-Jul-19 11:22:21

Stay strong - you are absolutely positively not being unreasonable. I would happily call the number and pretend I’m looking for one of my work clients if you PMed it to me.

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