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(322 Posts)
Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 09:39:29

Ok, so I need help! I have no friends to talk to about this and it’s driving me crazy.

I suspect my fiance of 4 years is cheating on me. Again. We live together and have done for 3 years.

All the signs are there. I just can’t prove a thing and even if I did he would deny it. 2 years ago 2 desperate women found me on Facebook to tell me they were messaging and had slept with him. He denied both and still does to this day. I forgave him and moved on. Idiot I know!!! All was well until about 6 month ago.....

He keeps his phone on him constantly. Even if he wants to show me something on it he will screenshot it and message it me. He leaves the room to talk on it. It’s always on silent. Not enough to warrant a worry I know but here’s the rest..... when I ask to spend time together he’s always too busy. Too tired. But can go on his xbox all the time. Can make time to go meet his friends. He’s also stopped making any kind of effort with me not just with sex but cuddles, hugs, etc.

I was casually on BT site querying a bill and his mobile is on it. So I thought I’d check why the bill was so high in case he was ordering stuff. There’s a number that he’s ringing every day on his way home from work, on his way to work and throughout the day. It’s also being texted at times when I’m either still asleep in the morning or have gone to bed at night. Alarm bells right!?? Am I being paranoid? I haven’t spoken to him for three days because I don’t know how to feel. If I say something, he will deny it point blank. Also he has a knack of turning things around on me whenever I say I’m unhappy with something. So I just don’t. I can’t afford to leave him or kick him out right now. I feel so trapped with all this info, these feelings and what to do!!!

changeyoursheets Fri 12-Jul-19 10:24:47

Another (convoluted) way of finding out who they are is to have their number saved in your phone and then go onto Instagram (if you have it) and 'find friends' , allow it to access your contacts and then their profile will come up if they have an Instagram account.
Long winded yes, but it works

changeyoursheets Fri 12-Jul-19 10:25:17

But yes. I agree you should just get rid. He isn't making you happy, you deserve to be happy!

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:28:49

I’ve tried Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram but nothing at all. Whoever it is, they’re extremely bloody private!

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:33:05

I’ve just gone into last months calls, every morning the minute he leaves the house he rings it for about 20 minutes. Then the same on his break time, lunch and going home. Then nothing till I’m in bed. I have my proof. I’m getting a sitter tonight, getting some slap on and going to the fluffing pub. I feel like just texting him “I know” and leaving it at that

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 10:35:26

My ex did this, our numbers were on the same bill and saw this same one come up so I called it on a withheld number to see if a female answered. The plan was to just hang up, but they didn't answer. Then it went to a voicemail of the girl he worked with that I had a previous issue with.....

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:37:27

I’m dying to ring but at the same time I’m absolutely shitting myself. What if it’s a family member and I get the backlash? What if it’s a male friend? What if it is a woman? My heart is racing looking at all these calls on my phone right now. I can’t think of any other explanation

hellsbellsmelons Fri 12-Jul-19 10:40:40

Fake it 'til you make it OP.
That's always good advice.
Keep you plan to yourself for now or he will talk you round.
And get out to that pub tonight and bloody enjoy yourself.
Time for you now. I'm glad you've realised this.

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:40:41

I think I’ve found something on Instagram

crustycrab Fri 12-Jul-19 10:41:28

Just withhold your number and ring? Or get someone else to ring.

I'd wait for them to answer and say hi, who's this? I've just had a missed call from you......

But you know it's another woman already.

crustycrab Fri 12-Jul-19 10:41:53

Do you know her?

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 10:42:57

What did you find?!

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:43:02

I saved the contacts to my phone. I searched Instagram friends and a woman came up I’ve never heard of. It also brought up people I know but don’t have their numbers so I’m confused. I’m not tech savvy enough to know what to do with this

labyrinth Fri 12-Jul-19 10:45:04

Just withhold your number and call. If a female answers and you dont recognise their voice say "hi is this (generic name)? When she says no say "oh sorry, who is it? " and see if she says who it is. At least then you have a first name to go on.
Do you know his phone pass code? Could you get access while he's asleep?
I feel for you OP its happened to me too. Mine was stupid enough to have synced his phone on iTunes with all the contacts so I could match the number from his bill to a woman he worked with.

crustycrab Fri 12-Jul-19 10:45:40

So you have a name now? You could ring the number and say hi, is that "Megan"?

usersouthcoast Fri 12-Jul-19 10:46:39

Sorry if you've already answered this (I'm dog walking)... Have you typed the number into google or Facebook? It may come up on linked in.
Or, have you saved the number as a contact in your phone and had a look to see if there's a what's app pic?

usersouthcoast Fri 12-Jul-19 10:47:26

Really sorry, I've just read the full thread.

Weenurse Fri 12-Jul-19 10:48:58

Good luck 💐

namemcnamechange Fri 12-Jul-19 10:49:18

Back in the days when I used tinder, I found if I saved someone’s number in my phone, within 24 hours they appeared in my “people you may know” on Facebook.

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:50:30

I don’t have Facebook. I made a fake profile to search the number and name but nothing is coming up. All I have is a name, a private account and a blurry photo of a woman and young man on Instagram.

Flower64 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:51:47

My ex was a master at this. He was constantly having emotional affairs with other women. Then called me controlling and paranoid when I asked him about messages on his phone to a work colleague including a picture of his privates and a hotel booking. Still tried to convince me I was just paranoid. He had even spent time on the phone to her when our child was poorly and i was trying to get hold of him to let him know that we had to go to the hospital. The proof is there - no man should be calling anyone that much unless they're in a relationship. I am so sorry for you but please don't stay cos of finances. You will cope

usersouthcoast Fri 12-Jul-19 10:54:05

Can you log into any of his social media?

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:55:49

Nope, he has never told me a thing about anything he does and refuses to add me on anything social media related. Always has.

Michellepebbles86 Fri 12-Jul-19 10:57:08

That woman isn’t on Facebook. I’m driving myself crazy here. I’m not going out tonight as I’ve realised I have no one to go out with 😂😂😂 why is it only 10.56??? I need a wine 😂😂😂 OMG I’m cracking up. I’m actually sat laughing at myself for what a fool I have been

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 10:57:37

Wait... he refuses to have you on his social media...?

ofwolfandman Fri 12-Jul-19 10:58:23

I would have kicked off big style a long time ago if he refused to have me on any of his accounts!!!!! That is not ok in the slightest.

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