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Is this emotional abuse?

(14 Posts)
Annie9112 Thu 11-Jul-19 18:43:07

So was with this guy for just over a year now, he ended it again yesterday after ending then not ending it for about 7 months. I guess there was red flags from the start e.g him battering me about my past and seeing quite a few more people than him. Since about January he has been up and down about us but being nasty in between,commenting on how my appearance has changed, that I didn’t have a job (due to my anxiety) he made a comment once saying if someone had of told him a year ago he would of been with a single jobless mother he would of laughed in their face. He once said have I got tumours in my legs (because they had got bigger) said maybe he isn’t looking for the perfect person just the perfect version of me. I once locked us out his house and I said sorry and he said doesn’t mean sh*t now you’re stupid hence all your past mistakes. Said none of my ex’s would look twice at me now. We split a month ago and I stupidly contacted him after four days we got talking again then gave it another go, he said he was bored and there was no excitement and I did try I feel but he never did anything back so should it of been all down to me? I took a job last week and just realised it wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life ( no clue what will become of me) so I quit a week after and he said he was disappointed in me and then stopped talking and finished it a day later. He said there was lots of factors like the fact I had a child so young, the fact he has money saved up and I have nothing and I’m starting from scratch, the fact we’re in a bubble. He was telling me to go back blonde in the past months which I want to anyway but it seemed to based on how I looked and last time he said he wasn’t sure if me putting weight on and changing my hair has made things change for him. he even made a good and bad list about me and pointed out a lot that there was only five good things and 15 bad. He took this list to a councillor on Monday, which he didn’t tell me he was going to see then just rang yesterday telling me about it, I feel like I haven’t tried hard enough and he said he can’t force it etc. My car blew up at the weekend and I was very overwhelmed with the new job and just started to cry and he just sat there emotionless. He said he was bored and wants excitement which I did try to do once we got back together he felt it wasn’t getting returned. He wasn’t like this at the start it was literally perfect and I don’t know what I’m meant to think or do. Feel I’m in a massive black hole right now. Did he act like this because he just didn’t want me or is this him as a person?

Janedoughnut Thu 11-Jul-19 18:49:39

I really wouldn't bother trying to figure out why he's like he is. Just get rid as he sounds awful.

AFistfulofDolores1 Thu 11-Jul-19 19:13:07

It's not you, it's him.

It might be worth investigating why you thought he was worth even a moment of your time, though. I'm wondering whether your family of origin somehow taught you that you didn't deserve more.

motherofcats81 Thu 11-Jul-19 19:34:27

Why are you posting this thread over and over again OP? This is the third one since yesterday.

motherofcats81 Thu 11-Jul-19 19:36:20

He sounds horrific by the way, an awful, abusive human being. I suspect you are hoping that in posting again someone will tell you that there is a way that you can fix this, but that's not going to happen. Just get away from him as fast as you can.

Mabelface Thu 11-Jul-19 19:52:33

He's disgusting, you're lovely. Bin him and work on your self worth before another relationship.

bobstersmum Thu 11-Jul-19 20:00:55

He is a nasty horrible excuse for a man. Get rid.

Bananalanacake Fri 12-Jul-19 10:43:55

don't let him move in with you.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 12-Jul-19 15:51:51

He is a massive arsehole.

Why on earth are you with him?

Annie9112 Fri 12-Jul-19 16:10:45

I’m not anymore x

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 12-Jul-19 17:29:49

Thank God for that! You deserve much better than that. And yes, it was emotional abuse.

He once said have I got tumours in my legs (because they had got bigger)

That is one of the WEIRDEST insults I've ever heard. You're well rid!

newmomof1 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:37:06

I'm glad you left him

But next time you get a job, don't just quit after a week. Stick it out and you might just like it!

Annie9112 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:50:56

I’m not here asking for advice on that. It was making me ill and won’t feel guilty for leaving a job that was affecting my mental health more

Annie9112 Fri 12-Jul-19 17:52:45

Just the tip of the ice burg. I’ve been very silly x

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