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20 year Age gap

(106 Posts)
Emsie11 Wed 10-Jul-19 19:48:55

Hi all I’ve recently met a guy who’s lovely and treats me so well but can a 20 year age gap work?

LolaSmiles Wed 10-Jul-19 19:52:05

It depends on what you're both seeking in life, where you stand on children, your expectations of the relationship, how old you both are.

boredboredboredboredbored Wed 10-Jul-19 20:04:34

I agree with Lola there's 10 between me and my dp. We met 2 years ago aged 40 & 50. Both have kids, houses etc. We now just enjoy and look forward to carefree time together. I think it could work.

TheJoxter Wed 10-Jul-19 20:07:57

Honestly I don’t think so, there’s 11 years between me and my partner and if the gap was any bigger I don’t think it would work.

MikeUniformMike Wed 10-Jul-19 20:17:21

It could but the odds will be against you. It is quite different from 10 years.
One of you is old enough to be the parent of the other.
How old are you? 40 and 20 is not the same as 75 and 55.

Felicia4 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:19:57

Depends on your dynamic and what you both want out of life. My husband is 20 years older than me and this is the best relationship I've had. But our ages don't factor much into our day to day lives as we enjoy doing similar things and have similar mindsets.

SoUnsettled2 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:22:45

I wouldn’t. There’s a ten year age gap between me and my hubby (he’s older) and we’ve been together 25 years. I really regret it as we have been at very different stages of life for the last ten years and not much in common now.

Jayaywhynot Wed 10-Jul-19 20:23:20

My DP (male) is 17 yrs younger than me, I'm female, been together 11 yrs, I worry about what the future holds but he doesn't, he says we're both getting older together, we have similar interest, hardly ever argue, just enjoy each other, say we love you every day and fall asleep holding hands,

PicsInRed Wed 10-Jul-19 20:26:06

Men can age very rapidly, even when close in age.
How old are you?
What assets do you have and vice versa?
Are you prepared to be his carer?

Raffles1981 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:26:06

If you are both on the same page then yes. I'm 38 and my partner is 57. We talked about what we wanted very quickly. Saw no point in wasting each others time. Marriage and kids were our main topics to begin with. You just have to make sure you both want the same life.

BigVern1 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:28:25

It’s a big gap.

Constance1234 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:33:47

I think it could work up until you are 40 or so and he is 60, but I think after that the age would be an issue. He’ll be an old man and you’ll still be just going into middle age.

Meirion Wed 10-Jul-19 20:43:23

Emmanuel Macron is 41 and his wife Brigitte is 66.

nespressowoo Wed 10-Jul-19 20:49:50

22 between my Dsis and her DH. Don't do it.

Emsie11 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:49:53

I’m 40 he’s 60

Lllot5 Wed 10-Jul-19 20:54:53

What about children? Don’t know if I would tbh.
Mind you I’d be hard pushed to find someone 20 years older than me!

ConfCall Wed 10-Jul-19 20:56:22

If the younger party is late teens or very early 20s I think it’s too big a gap, frankly, and a bit seedy.

It’s ok at 25, 35, 45, but I think it would get difficult when the older party hits the “elderly” stage.

Constance1234 Wed 10-Jul-19 21:01:15

Hi OP, just saw you’ve now said your ages. I wouldn’t get too involved at your ages - men can age very rapidly after 60 or so, you are still relatively young in the grand scheme of things and he is almost a pensioner.

netflixlove Wed 10-Jul-19 21:07:48

I'm 20 and there's a 15 year gap between me and my partner. Been together for 2 years so far and all going well smile

twirlypoo Wed 10-Jul-19 21:10:42

My ex was 20 years older than me, agree with others - he rapidly aged as he approached 60. Also, he had done so much more than me, and he wasn’t interested in doing it again (though this may just be him rather than a general thing!) so there were countries / events / experiences that were blocked to me. He also became a grumpy git where as I seemed to get more energy as my child became older. We were just very much at different stages of life I guess!

MissDai5y Wed 10-Jul-19 21:11:48

My friend is 37 and her now husband is 58. They've been together 6 years and have a beautiful relationship. Yes, they've discussed the impact this will have as they get older and she'll more than likely be the widower but they have a great relationship and she thinks it's worth the pain later on to be with him now. She's an "old soul" so I guess it depends on what you value and enjoy doing.

My parent's had 21 years between them and they had a good relationship until my sister died. It went to shit but I don't think that had anything to do with the age difference, who knows what would have happened if that hadn't.

whycantIthinkofadecentusername Wed 10-Jul-19 21:16:04

15 years between me and DP. I wouldn't bat an eye at another five. No ones business but yours. The only advice I can give is have a conversation early on about your expectations e.g. kids.

Papergirl1968 Wed 10-Jul-19 21:22:49

I know a couple with nearly 30 years between them. They’re now 30 and nearly 60, been together about five years, two small dc, and very happy. But I do think they’re the exception to the rule.

BertieBotts Wed 10-Jul-19 21:26:09

When you say he "treats you so well" what do you mean?

Have you been badly treated by men in the past?

Do you feel like an equal with this man? For example do you feel as relaxed with him as you do when in the company of a good female friend?

BertieBotts Wed 10-Jul-19 21:28:01

And do you want (more) children?

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