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Why am I suddenly feeling as if I am in love with DH again?

(17 Posts)
Budababe Sat 28-Jul-07 21:09:27

Been married almost 12 years and as some of you know it is a celibate marriage and not through my choice.

Recently I have been feeling more and more distant and cold towards DH which is not suprising and I really and truly could happily have left him.

Cue this week and 2 v. raunchy dreams (featuring DH!) and I feel all loved up again! So lots of hugs and kisses and pretty good reciprocation from DH. No sex but I suddenly feel that it is a possibility for some reason!

So - how the bloody hell do I get from this feeling to actual sex??????

harpsichordcarrier Sat 28-Jul-07 21:11:29


excellent news, buda, maybe it is just the cycle of things, you know that once you stop worrying about the lack of sex then the love has chance to grow?
I did know about the celibacy but I don't know the reasons so I can't advise about how to get to actual sex

CarGirl Sat 28-Jul-07 21:15:47

Buy a rabbit and ask him to use it on you? <<I don't know the background btw>>

whomovedmychocolate Sat 28-Jul-07 21:16:12

Keep the cuddly stuff up, spend time together and cross your fingers but not your legs

Seriously, when I want to drive my DH demented I cuddle up to him and lick his fingertips (sorry possibly TMI but apparently it's a very erotic thing).

I don't think it is, because the cat does that to me, but seems to work!

startouchedtrinity Sat 28-Jul-07 21:16:56

Take it slowly, I think, and say/do lots of nice things for dh, make him feel good about himself. I don't know the reasons for your situation but things haven't been too hot here b/c my dh has spent so much time out with his mates I gave up on him. He's announced he's stopping drinking, I suddenly fancy him again. I'm doing stuff for him like getting his breakfast (before I didn't care if he starved), he's picking up a magazine for me while I'm out...little things, but it just makes us feel good about each other. No sex yet as he's just arrived home having been hit in the nuts by a cricket ball <sigh>. I don't know if any of this is relevant to you but I HTH.

harpsichordcarrier Sat 28-Jul-07 21:17:24

iirc though it has been ten years +?
do you want it to be a possibility?

mamazon Sat 28-Jul-07 21:18:06

don't know the background either but agree with the rabbit idea. ( not just cos i sell them lol, if you are going to get one get the WAVE. its new out and fantastic)

tell him you have been having saucy dreams and that you intend haveing a go on teh rabbit that night whilst dreaming about him.....im sure that will stir a few raunchy feelings

Budababe Sat 28-Jul-07 21:28:00

Harpsi - It has been 12 years!!!!!

I honestly thought that all those feelings towards him had died a death. But obv not.

For those who don't know background - he is basically impotent - says it wouldn't bother him if never had sex again. However - he does notice other women. Have seen it. And a couple of months ago we were at a leaving party for some close friends and it was a v. drunken occasion - as we were leaving and DH was giving hostess a hug and kiss goodbye, her DH tried to stick his tongue in my mouth! I was so shocked I actually told DH on the way home and then on the Monday discovered this guy had sort of come on to another friend "Ann" . It all sounds v. sordid but this male friend had been through a horrible couple of months where his mother was very ill and eventually died and the funeral was in UK 3 days before they had their leaving party here. Anyway....... I mentioned to DH that this friend had sort of tried it on with "Ann" and he then collared her at another night out and grilled her on what had happened with me. I think he was a bit jealous even though nothing happened.

So.... re: rabbits - I think he would feel totally emasculated. May suggest appointment with doc instead.

Anyway - am enjoying the feelings!

Budababe Sat 28-Jul-07 21:29:15

mamazon - a "Wave" sounds great! Was planning on a purchase last time I was home but didn't manage to get shopping alone!

mamazon Sat 28-Jul-07 21:30:58

is it a physical impotency or emotional?

Budababe Sat 28-Jul-07 21:31:42

Not sure TBH. I think it started as emotional maybe but then became a bigger issue.

harpsichordcarrier Sat 28-Jul-07 21:32:12

yes I remember you saying it had been ten years but that was presumably two years ago I am really pleased for you.
I think this maybe isn't the time for sex toys but have you told him how you are feeling?
do you think there is a physical reason for his lack of interest in sex? would you be able to have some time alone together?

mamazon Sat 28-Jul-07 21:32:30

would he be open to speaking with a sexual therapist?

harpsichordcarrier Sat 28-Jul-07 21:32:49

god I really hope this is the start of something.
need to take it slow, though

startouchedtrinity Sat 28-Jul-07 21:33:57

I suspect it does bother him, hugely, but he is too afraid to admit so. There is a leaflet I've seen in my local GP's surgery saying 'It's his impotence but it's my problem'. Don't know where you are but next time I'm in there I'm happy to pick you up a copy and post it to you?

Budababe Sat 28-Jul-07 21:43:24

Am in Budapest so don't think English speaking therapists are plentiful.

We tried IVF last year and I really liked and trusted my doc - am thinking of going back and trying donor eggs but may also ask him for any ideas re docs.

Harpsi - I did jokingly say this afternoon as we were having yet another hug that I didn't know what was happening and that he should make the most of it. MIL arrives on Wednesday and I did say it was a shame we didn't plan a night in a hotel here on our own. May still do that!

harpsichordcarrier Sat 28-Jul-07 22:28:10

oh yes do! I mean no pressure, but you could just chill out, order room service, drink champagne...
it's a good opportunity just to make a little progress

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