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Do you see watching porn as cheating?

(219 Posts)
jonesy22 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:46:57

My DM has caught my stepdad watching porn. She is so hurt and doesn't know if she can look at him in the same way because she sees this as cheating.

I do understand where she is coming from but at the same time I feel a lot of men watch porn. (Women too!)

What do you think? I'm trying to console her but I don't really know what to say!

mumtobob Sat 13-Jul-19 17:09:20

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

waterallday Sat 13-Jul-19 17:04:26

No I don't see it as cheating- DP & I discussed porn (but not cheating) the other day and he says he does but maybe once a month- usually lesbian.

I actually watch it a few times a month when I have a moment to myself at nightwink and watch lesbian porn too as it's so much more attractive than big rough men, I always feel bad for women pornstars as it looks painful!

JemimaPuddlePeacock Sat 13-Jul-19 17:02:20

drcb83 don’t bother feeding the troll. They go away without sustenance.

crankyassnoperope Sat 13-Jul-19 16:57:46

I'm not the one blinded jeaux, you're so single minded on this you're not even listening. My liberalism has been well and truly tested, as even my recent posting history will atest, so I can confidently say my position is not coming from a place of naive liberalism. It's from viewing the situation holistically and seeing whether the knee jerk reaction really is better for women. I hate porn. I hate it more than you can imagine, and it has damaged me irreparably, but the answer is to change society. Because sex isn't going away, and women deserve sexual liberation as well as protection.

jeaux90 Sat 13-Jul-19 13:49:44

It's because of the patriarchy and what men want we have the porn industry to start with. You ar

And if you really think that society should tolerate prom and prostitution as an alternative to poverty you really are lost.

I won't apologise for my stance on this, 2 women are killed a week, a load of court cases with men getting off for murdering women during "consensual" sex. 500 rapes in our secondary schools in the last few years.

You are blinded by your liberalism.

It's women and girls who suffer here, not men.

crankyassnoperope Sat 13-Jul-19 13:40:10

I lucky enough in my career to be able to afford private school for my daughter when she moves to secondary next year.

Yeah, that right there is why it'll never be your daughter on the sharp end if they sex ban sex work. She won't be the only relying on it because austerity disproportionately disadvantages women and the poor. You've got nothing to lose by opposing it (assuming you do).

Liberal feminism doesn't say porn and sex work are empowering. It says empowered women can and should be able to choose sex work and like porn. Because the only reason that would be bad is because of THE PATRIARCHY. Fight the patriarchy, not the women trying to live within it as best they can.

I hate it when people misrepresent liberal feminism. We're really not silly.

jeaux90 Sat 13-Jul-19 13:30:27

Porn, surrogacy, prostitution is the biggest fucking lie ever sold to liberal feminism as empowering.

I agree with Stephanie here.

I lucky enough in my career to be able to afford private school for my daughter when she moves to secondary next year.

The reason why I'm doing that and not sending to her a local and really really good mixed school?

Porn ...and the impact it's having on tennage girls in our mixed secondary schools. Look at the stats. They don't lie.

Mum2boys1girl Sat 13-Jul-19 13:05:50

I say it but everyone is different, to me it's disrespectful to are relationship I see it as he should only see me naked and no one else, there's nothing wrong if both people agree to it but when you keep it hidden and not told your other half to see if it OK or discussed it then that a problem to me cause your hiding it and not being honest my other half no's I don't like it and told him if it's something he wants to do and keep watching it then we can no longer be in a relationship and he should find some else who is OK with it. He choose not to watch it any more and I said if I ever find out wer over its his choice if he wants to disrespect my feelings and are relationship
Your mum should talk to him and if she can't have him watching it then she needs to give him a choice there relationship or porn and he goes. As you can't make someone change but you can give them options

WBWIFE Sat 13-Jul-19 12:32:24

Not cheating IMO

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 12:30:58

The ubiquity of porn and its widespread enthusiastic acceptance / support (even by the middle class cool mums of Mumsnet) has created a situation where some men (NAMALT obvsconfused) have become used to being able to get immediate gratification after just one click. I contend that when they saw those two lesbians on that bus - their addled pitiful brains made them think they were "entitled" to see a sexual display from them. I contend that popularity of "girl on girl action" in the porn industry, the porn industry in general, its availability any time anywhere is damaging young people's attitudes to sex and relationships.

Pinkgin22 Sat 13-Jul-19 12:23:00

Sure @StephanieSJW it’s because of porn they did that. Nothing to do with their individual overall outlook on women....
Maybe we should also get rid of the bible & the Quran.
Maybe we should get rid of violent films & games.
I mean we obviously can’t trust individuals to make their own decisions on how they feel & should act about these things now can we?

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 12:11:23

That's a cultural reference that goes straight over head. I feel diminished as a result.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName Sat 13-Jul-19 12:05:13

@crankyassnoperope I really like what you say and stand for.

@StephanieSJW you’re like Norbit the Minion

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 12:04:48

Can"t wait to see the family What's App or Facebook update from the @drcb83 household...

Our little darling Lark Gethsemane got her GCSEs today. All 9s -obvs. We're delighted that after very careful thought, she's decided to become a porn star with our wholehearted blessing. See you all soon. You'll all be seeing a lot more of Lark!!

drcb83 Sat 13-Jul-19 11:56:58

Stephanie - absolutely! I would be proud of my daughter being the best at anything she chose to do.
We would have all the uncomfortable conversations about safety and consent and STI's then I would hope she is happy and satisfied in her job.

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 11:53:55

@Dadaist
To be fair I have more respect for people like you who have the guts to say Yes to my question rather than be hypocritical... ^"Octavius and I love watching a bit of porn. We like cuckold gang banging with simulated choking. Aren't we fortunate that so many women (other peoples children) kindly provide this convenient service for us?"

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 11:45:22

@Dadaist
Where exactly have I "slut shamed".

I am highlighting middle class MN hypocrisy that says "Ooh yes, darling Hubby, let's watch a nice bit of girl on girl action. Doesn't harm anyone"

Dadaist Sat 13-Jul-19 11:39:56

StephanieSJW - enough with your slut shaming already! I don’t like to think of my daughters engaged in any kind of consenting sexual activity - and I’d want ‘more’ for them career wise than lots of things I can think of. But whatever they chose - if it was something they were genuine about, wasn’t illegal and gave them a life - I’d support them. OK??

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 11:26:39

@drcb83

I don't believe you have answered my simple question...

Would you be happy for your daughter to become a pornstar?

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 11:21:45

I feel really sad that a bunch of CEO / Company Director porn fans dislike me. 😥

drcb83 Sat 13-Jul-19 11:20:14

Stephanie, 'Fuck Off' is not personal. It is a generic if strong request for someone to go away. Given some of the attacks you levelled at people it is unsurprising.
What you have done is attack people personally. Picked at their husbands, their children, their lifestyles.
You are antagonistic and are doing this cause no good at all.
You need to pull people with you but you just pushed them away.
As I said - all that has changed from your input here is that more people dislike you. You have not made people with different views think further about the cause - only about you....

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 11:15:11

Would you be happy for your son to be a soldier and go to war? No

Two waste workers (bin men) die a month at work. Would you be happy if your son were a bin man? Yes

Simple to answer see.

crankyassnoperope Sat 13-Jul-19 11:10:49

Stephanie I don't think that question is as telling as you think it is. Would you be happy for your son to be a soldier and go to war? Two waste workers (bin men) die a month at work. Would you be happy if your son were a bin man? Porn is a physically and emotionally damaging business. No I wouldn't want that for my kid, but I wouldn't blow my top about it. Porn's not great for women, and neither's modelling. Boxing isn't great for men as a sex class, neither is MMA, but my kid not doing it won't change the world. I plan to change the world. That's what all feminists want at the end of the day; to change the world. And we are.

StephanieSJW Sat 13-Jul-19 11:04:30

Excuse me @drcb83 I have been told several times in this thread to "fuck off" yet it is the porn users, apologists and enthusiasts who now claiming to be hurt.

Is it unfair to challenge the hypocrisy I highlight?

drcb83 Sat 13-Jul-19 11:01:00

Stephanie, I think you are enjoying picking on and intimidating people. I think if we look at any focus of you life you will follow it with a religious fervour and try and crush anyone that thinks differently to you.
Your personal attacking of other people on this issue has completely detracted from the important question at hand.
You failed to make people think and come round to your idea.
All you changed is that more people dislike you.
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

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