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Do you see watching porn as cheating?

(219 Posts)
jonesy22 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:46:57

My DM has caught my stepdad watching porn. She is so hurt and doesn't know if she can look at him in the same way because she sees this as cheating.

I do understand where she is coming from but at the same time I feel a lot of men watch porn. (Women too!)

What do you think? I'm trying to console her but I don't really know what to say!

AntiHop Tue 09-Jul-19 21:49:21

I see it as cheating. Also most porn involves violence against women.

BertieBotts Tue 09-Jul-19 21:49:36

No I don't see it as cheating. But it would bother me because I find porn is mostly quite degrading of women and I'd be upset to think that my partner was getting off on that.

TooManyPuppies Tue 09-Jul-19 21:50:15

No.

jonesy22 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:50:21

@AntiHop I agree. I understand why she would see it as cheating.

She has very low self esteem as it is so this is going to make her feel worse. I feel awful for her.

Goldenhorn Tue 09-Jul-19 21:51:05

No

Justmuddlingalong Tue 09-Jul-19 21:51:14

I don't see it as cheating, but if your DM does, then you have to support her in her opinion.

OldAndWornOut Tue 09-Jul-19 21:52:10

No, I don't see it as cheating.

MerryDeath Tue 09-Jul-19 21:52:40

definitely not

jonesy22 Tue 09-Jul-19 21:53:18

Surely no one would be fine with their SO watching porn on a regular basis though?

SandyY2K Tue 09-Jul-19 21:55:02

No. It's not cheating.

ADogRocketShip Tue 09-Jul-19 21:56:12

Not at all.

greyspottedgoose Tue 09-Jul-19 21:57:07

Personally I don't, I know my partner watches porn and we occasionally watch together, but every relationship is different and if it's an issue to your mum then he should respect that,. They need to talk openly about what they both expect moving forward

BertieBotts Tue 09-Jul-19 21:57:35

I do think there is possibly a generational difference - most people my age seem to see masturbation (obviously normal, healthy, not cheating) as synonymous with porn as though you can't do one without the other, and therefore porn is totally normal, healthy, and something everyone does as well.

Whereas for my parents' generation it was seen as something seedy and disgusting. I think there's a split as well there between men and women - in that women still think of it in that way whereas men of that generation have usually moved on from that mindset to the more modern view that Internet porn is normal and fine, but do keep it discreet from their wives in the main.

If it's specifically the cheating part you want to reassure her about maybe compare it to fifty shades of grey? But tbh I don't think I could stomach having a conversation about my dad's porn habits envy (not envy)

Justmuddlingalong Tue 09-Jul-19 21:57:56

*Surely no one would be fine with their SO watching porn on a regular basis though?"
Are you doubting the majority of posters who took the time to answer your question? 😕

KitKat1985 Tue 09-Jul-19 22:00:28

No I don't see it as cheating.

CountFosco Tue 09-Jul-19 22:00:37

Considering what the porn industry is like I think it means the person watching the porn has no empathy. They are watching underaged girls that are trafficked. Why would this turn you on? It's worse than cheating, cheating is consensual.

codenameduchess Tue 09-Jul-19 22:00:40

Not cheating, I don't see the problem with it unless it's something genuinely disturbing and/or illegal ... people masturbate, it's not a bad thing or a dirty secret. Maybe a conversation for a couple to have to agree what they are comfortable with, although I don't see how you can police a partners free time.

Honestly the only other caveat I would add is that it shouldn't be accessed on a family device that children use and history, cookies etc left behind.

SallyWD Tue 09-Jul-19 22:03:40

Definitely not cheating

jonesy22 Tue 09-Jul-19 22:04:03

Sdad had recently purchased a new tablet for my mum. Unfortunately for him his phone browsing history was linked up.

I do feel bad for my mum, we're all grieving for the loss of my Nan and this has made it worse. He hasn't even tried to be discreet about it.

3luckystars Tue 09-Jul-19 22:06:10

No. It's not.

DickZillaofTheVilla Tue 09-Jul-19 22:06:16

No

LoafofSellotape Tue 09-Jul-19 22:07:23

Not cheating but it's a deal breaker for me,I don't want to be with someone who has such little regard for women.

XXVaginaAndAUterus Tue 09-Jul-19 22:07:32

I would be okay with it, on the proviso that we had discussed and found that we were on similar pages regarding the exploitation of women in the industry and I'd like to know what he was watching - so much of it is as others have said violent or degrading treatment of women, "barely legal" or other stuff that I couldn't be attracted to a man who was turned on by it.

Also that it didn't affect our intimacy - porn addiction and porn related impotence are real. I was recently seeing an otherwise fit and healthy guy in his his 30s who couldn't sustain an erection because by his own admission he'd masturbated to porn too much and couldn't get reliably aroused without it. That's a problem, in a way that other types of impotence isn't.

SweatyPie Tue 09-Jul-19 22:11:07

I think you answered your own question. If you have low self esteem, of course you'll be bothered by porn(not saying that everyone who disagrees with it has low SE). But yes, you'll be upset.

I don't think it's cheating though. Plenty of people watch porn as a quick release. It's no more cheating than walking through the lingerie department to me.

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