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My relationship is crippling me

(189 Posts)
Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:10:21

I have been with someone for about 6 months. We had a bit of a rocky start but then all was well. But for more than 1 reason I have always felt very anxious about it. I thought it was because I have been single for many years prior and wanted it to work so much. I would describe him as a bit of a lose canon. Good heart but a bit wild. He thinks a lot of himself and likes to talk about himself. I'm a quiet person and we kind of worked. But on many occasions I have noticed my needs are never a priority. Kind of like well you will be fine you always have managed. Recently we have made a decision we were both ready gor him to meet my DD. They hit it off and all was well. So it seemed. But tgere were cracks showing all the time. I think i knew it but wanted to ignore it. He has a short fuse with me not with others. I have to be very careful what I text, say or when I call. It is always on his terms, his time. He is keeping me on an arms lenght from his friends which I never met and family. I know he lied on number of occasions. Not about anything big but still. I am very forgiving and always kind of just leave it becahse I don't see a point in huge arguments. Byt recently something happend. He became very cold, distanced himself from me. Reduced contact. 1 day I have not heard from him all day which was unusual. But I left it. But hours later I text, called and nothing. When I called again his phone was off. I panicked because I had reasons to think he something could have happend to him (due to his health issues). I couldn't sleep all night I was driving myself crazy. I tried again in the morning and got through. He was very angry I woke him and put the phone down. I apologised but he has since ignired me and not spoke to me number of days. It is killing me and I don't know what to do. I cry can't eat or sleep. I'd so much rather him to tell me he's angry than to give me this silence treatment because it is killing me. Please don't judge me I just want need some advice. What do I do?

ByeByeMissAmericanPie Mon 08-Jul-19 23:13:10

You have a whole banner of red flags strung out in front of you. Get yourself out of the relationship. And fast.

Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:15:53

Can you tell me why you think that? I think by coming here and asking I already know something isn't right but I'm so scared of losing him

Goodnightchristopherrobin Mon 08-Jul-19 23:16:00

He’s an abusive knob OP, don’t expose yourself or your DD to that.

Also, the health issues - has he said he’s been suicidal. My ex did that to me! He was an abusive toaster too!

Goodnightchristopherrobin Mon 08-Jul-19 23:16:33

*tosser grin

TheVanguardSix Mon 08-Jul-19 23:19:55

You let go. That’s what you do. He sounds like a very damaged person. Now you have him. Now you don’t. Push-Pull-Push-Pull.
In 6 months he’s managed to knock your self-esteem out the park. Imagine what will remain of you in 6 years’ time.
If you can’t stay away from him for your own good, at least stay away from him for your daughter’s.
He’s a mess.

Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:23:03

No his health issues are physical hence why I was worried when he has not been contactable

Divebar Mon 08-Jul-19 23:23:05

It’s a shame he doesn’t just hit you and get it over with rather than this slow torturous punishment hmm

( clearly sarcastic. He is a controlling arse.... why would you be terrified to lose him?

Knittedfairies Mon 08-Jul-19 23:23:59

A relationship of only 6 months shouldn't be this difficult. You do know what to do OP, you just don't want to do it.

Chouxalacreme Mon 08-Jul-19 23:26:17

Oh love this is so unhealthy it’s beyond any decent relationship I feel for you so much
You sound like you have very low self esteem and don’t think you deserve any better . His behaviours will get worse he’s abusing your kind mature . Please don’t do this if you can find the strength please realise you don’t need him in your life and you deserve better .you really really do .get strong get organised get positive get out

Mum4Fergus Mon 08-Jul-19 23:28:04

Let's break this down...
We had a bit of a rocky start.
A bit of a lose canon.
A bit wild.
He thinks a lot of himself and likes to talk about himself.
My needs are never a priority.
There were cracks showing all the time.
He has a short fuse with me not with others.
I have to be very careful what I text, say or when I call.
It is always on his terms, his time.
He is keeping me on an arms lenght from his friends which I never met and family.
He lied on number of occasions.
He became very cold, distanced himself from me.
Reduced contact.
He was very angry I woke him and put the phone down.
He has since ignired me and not spoke to me number of days.
What do I do? If this was your DD writing this about her 'relationship ', what would you tell her?

Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:29:17

Because I love him. I know how it sounds. I know I probably shouldn't but I do. But I think that if I told him that he would run away. He doesn't do anything controlling in a way of stopping me from doing things or seing people. I don't think he cares. But it's the part where everything is up to him. When he sees me, what time. Won't speak to me if he's with friends or family yet speaks to them when he's with me. I drive myself crazy everyday not knowing whether he will call or whether I said something to upset him and he will just ignore me. I'm a wreck of what I used to be but I love him so much. I've always been there for him whenever he needed help or support I'm always there

Houseyhousey Mon 08-Jul-19 23:29:25

This would be bad 6 years on but after 6 months you would be crazy to continue this relationship (& that's not taking into account the fact you have a child to consider!) run and don't look back you are worth SO much more than this knob

ByeByeMissAmericanPie Mon 08-Jul-19 23:32:01

Reasons, OP?

Your relationship is crippling you
Bit of a rocky start
I have always felt anxious about it
Bit of a loose canon
There were cracks showing all the time
He has a short fuse with me but not others
I have to be careful what I text, say or when I call.

I could go on....

He’s wrecked your self esteem after 6 months!
Get yourself and your DD out... NOW!

Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:36:10

But the reason he's not speaking is because I pissed him off. He said I was crazy to call and text when there was nothing to worry about. But i didn't know that. I really thought something had happend to him. He is angry I understand and he said I blew it out of proportion which i probably did but its because I care. Not because i was trying to track him down or anything else. I was so scared about him. I know he is angry but the pure ignorance. Reading my texts and not replying when i apologised so much its killing me. I've not slept in 2 nights I can't get my head straight. I missed work today only thing keeping me doing what i need to to is my DD

readitandwept Mon 08-Jul-19 23:37:30

He doesn't even like you, OP.

And I'm sure you are a very likeable, lovable person.

Give yourself a chance of being with someone who cares enough to prove that to you.

Surfingtheweb Mon 08-Jul-19 23:37:36

He sounds like a narcissist!! Read the threads on here about them. Seriously this has warning signs / red flags all over. Babe you need to get rid!!

Goodnightchristopherrobin Mon 08-Jul-19 23:38:41

He’s gaslighting you. It’s emotional abuse. This is him teaching you how expects you to behave.

Trust me. He’s not a catch! Walk away.

Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:39:05

I have been on my own for 5 years. How will I ever again find anyone who will accept a single mum. It would never happen again

TeaForTheWin Mon 08-Jul-19 23:43:49

I would put my money on him narcissistic personality disorder as a lot of the things you say are very telling. But at the very least he is total dirtbag.

You don't love him hon, you've known him six months and he is a cunt. As for never meeting someone else - A, that is crap and B, so you would rather be with an abusive prat than single?

He has already stated the silent treatment as punishment, it's all downhill from here. You have a child and even if you don't want to be single or you 'love him', it is your responsibility to keep your child safe. He is not a safe person. He is not good, he is not kind and he is absolutely not interested in anyone else being happy apart from himself.

Don't just walk, RUN away from him.

readitandwept Mon 08-Jul-19 23:46:43

Single mums are not some sub standard species who should be grateful to be "accepted" by men. Do not put yourself or others down by thinking that way, and don't lower your standards to gutter level just to be in a relationship.

Tills85 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:47:05

All the answers are so scary and all say the same thing. Am I really that blind?

SusieOwl4 Mon 08-Jul-19 23:50:10

If your daughter was grown up and a boy treated he like this how would you feel . Don’t settle please. You deserve more . You did nothing wrong.

TheSmallAssassin Mon 08-Jul-19 23:50:43

I have to be very careful what I text, say or when I call

This is him controlling you, he doesn't need to be overt about it, you're scared enough of him that you can't just say what you like when you like without worrying what his reaction will be.

You deserve so much more, you deserve someone who makes you happy, who lets you be yourself, who wants to show you off to his friends and family. This man is not that someone. Please leave him, for your and your daughter's sakes.

Grumpelstilskin Mon 08-Jul-19 23:52:12

OP, please find some self-worth. This man is a total wankstain. If something actually happened to him, it would be a blessing! He is a selfish, emotionally-abusive, nasty piece of work. Use this current no-contact to block all ways of him being able to contact you.

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