Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
A quick moan...(4 Posts)
Ok, so I just want a moan about my DH as we've fallen out yet again and it's all because I've told him he'll regret not spending time with his DD.
He has a v stressful job and works long hours but he still finds time for himself and hardly spends any time with us.
In the first few weeks he did loads and we were really happy. Then slowly he stopped helping out so much and he's begun to totally ignore me when I'm speaking. For example, last night I was saying how I'd been really upset as I still don't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes and I've been feeling down and lonely. He turned on the tele and completely ignored me, I may as well have spoken to the cat. I confronted him and he said all I ever talk about is our DD. Thats not true I always ask him about his work and allow him to pour our all his stress on me.
I do all the housework, and he used to get grumpy if he came home to a messy house but he doesn't anymore. He wants us to eat all healthy food from scratch but he never cooks and if I buy anything in to snack on (BF am hungry all the time), he eats it then gets annoyed at me for buying snack food.
When it comes to our DD he says he is jealous of all the time I spend with her but he says he doesn't see how he can spend more time with her. Sometimes she'll be lying next to him winging and he'll ignore her and just play on his laptop. He'll never sit with her on his knee and if she starts to get grumpy he just brings her to me and says she's hungry. I have tried to encourage him with the task of teaching her to roll over, it's been over a week since I suggested it and he's only done tummy time once for about 30 seconds. I have changed bath time to later so he can do it, but he has no idea what to do and I end up doing it. We use real nappies that he doesn't know how to put them on. Last night she puked on him and he looked disgusted and handed her to me saying I was used to it.
I guess it's partly my fault for doing everything and not making him more involved, but every time I bring it up we fall out and he storm off to bed, like tonight, saying he's tired. I might add that since our DD is BF he gets a full nights sleep most nights other than when he chooses to get up at her early morning feed. I'm exhausted but since I get to stay home all day or meet up with people for lunch I'm obviously well rested.
I know I don't have pnd, I'm lucky to have very supportive friends, but sometimes I despare that I'm loosing the man I fell in love with and I'm turning into a 1950's housewife (but not a very good one).
Ok, moan over. Gosh it feels good to have a good winge. I'll be back if I need to get some more off my chest.
Sorry, can't be constructive, He's a selfish, immature git and needs a good slap
You say you don't have PND, but men can get the baby blues, and this may be the case here. Jealousy is also a very strong emotion; thinking to before her birth or even before your pregnancy, he probably had your undivided attention and you spent nights together snuggled up. Now she is here that isn't possible to the same degree. So he has also lost the woman he fell in love with and gained a new person that he has to learn to love. He may not just be jealous of the fact you are spending more time with her and she is taking you away from him, but he may also be envious that you get more time than he does. He probably lacks confidence and, therefore, motivation to do anything with her.
There are lots of reasons other than him not loving her or you anymore.
I hope you can work it out and congratulations on your new DD.
Or he's just an immature selfish twat - my H was exactly the same - I "thought" we were so happy before DD was born but really it was just he was the centre of my life and we did what he wanted when he wanted - he just couldn't handle not being the centre of everything (in the end "I drove him" to an affair )....ok my point if you love him sort it out now or the resentment will grow on both sides ...really talk properly, make him take some responsibility, stop doing everything (it doesn't matter if he doesn't do bath right, I was exactly the same and did everything cos only I could do it "right")or even relate now before its too late - having a baby changes your life and your relationship for ever...
Join the discussion
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.