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dh made big bill i just paid bit off-feeling good but scared

(98 Posts)
moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:01:39

dh was stupider than stupid and didnt pay rent-running up bill of £3500.i only found out accidently when i found letter from landlady in his jeans i was washing.i paid off £1400 and now we have till end of august to pay rest.i just paid £110 and feel good about it.hes paying bugger all for it.he works full time,i dont.im using child benefit and tax credits for this,council tax ,water and other bits.im feeling proud of myself(although thats to cover the anger and i know i wont be able to pay all of it by date).if i didnt smile id cry!

LIZS Thu 26-Jul-07 12:06:47

At least you found out in time and can pay some off . Have you asked him abotu it , where the money that would have normally paid it has gone ?

GoodGollyMissMolly Thu 26-Jul-07 12:07:03

Good for you, you should be proud of yourself. . Have you spoken to DH about why he hasn't paid the rent, maybe he has some worries/issues.

Hope it all goes well.

fedupwasherwoman Thu 26-Jul-07 12:12:03

Does your dh have his wages paid into a bank account ?

If so I would try and get a standing order set up to the landlord's account so that this doesn't happen again. The tanding order could be set for a couple of days after dh gets paid so there is less time for the money to be spent.

Have you asked him what the rent money was spent on ?

Keep the landlord informed and keep paying off the debt as and whe you can, preferably with money from your dh and they should bear with you until it is sorted.

Do you have any bits and pieces worth selling on ebay or at a carboot sale to raise any extra money ? Has your dh bought anything with his wages that you could guilt trip him into selling off to raise money to clear some of the arrears ?

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:12:55

he 'didnt want to worry me'ive found out he had big loan and is paying off alot each month but wont say what for.

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:14:45

the standing order is good idea,ill suggest it too him.its being paid regulary now as i have rent book.so i know if he doesnt pay it.it just the arreas.ive been selling everything i own.hes not

LIZS Thu 26-Jul-07 12:26:09

even if you pay off the arrears the income you have isn't going to keep you going for long with other bills Sorry but soudns as if he needs to be more open with you.

nomdeplume Thu 26-Jul-07 12:27:04

I'd be more worried about this loan and why he feels the need to keep it a secret.

Fireflyfairy2 Thu 26-Jul-07 12:32:55

I'd also be worried about the loan.

And tbh you should bloody well make him pay his stuff.

Every time he gets into debt are you going to bail him out?

I'd actually be worried about spending the rest of my life with a man who has money problems & keeps secrets.

Fireflyfairy2 Thu 26-Jul-07 12:33:25

I meant make him sell his stuff to pay the rent! Why should you sell your stuff?

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:34:01

totally agree with both of you- relationship isnt fantastic anyway.i m just concentrating on keeping roof over dc's heads.(hes not)

nomdeplume Thu 26-Jul-07 12:34:26

sounds horrible moljam.

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:36:43

fire fairy2 because hes not willing to do anything,no idea why-think hes burying his head in sand.amongst other things,i put newish favorite shoes on ebay last night he said they were waste of money then.i said no because if i wasnt desperatly trying to make money id keep them.plus he asked me for £40 yesterday to pay garage rent!cheek

lulumama Thu 26-Jul-07 12:39:08

is this the DH that kissed a young girl in front of you? and now he has massive debts, that you found out about by accident...and not been paying the rent....

time for a serious talk...

would be make or break time for me, i'm afraid

Fireflyfairy2 Thu 26-Jul-07 12:39:44

Well, you keep letting him treat you like this, don't you?

Are you his mother? no.

Then stop protecting him.

I assume his garage is where he works from? Surely he must be earning enough to pay the rent on that? Let him take responsibility for that then.

And tell him to have a long hard think about things. He'd be the one looking for a roof over his head if it was me, but its not, so you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself & telling the world you're doing everything & he's doing nothing and go and do something constructive.

LIZS Thu 26-Jul-07 12:40:17

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:40:40

lulumama-yes thats us.i left but only for few days and returned to try and make it work for children.not working.

Fireflyfairy2 Thu 26-Jul-07 12:48:34

So, on top of the bill he hasn't paid, a loan he has & won't tell you about, the email addresses he got on holiday, the girl he kissed in front of you......


what exactly is there to like let alone love about this guy?

lulumama Thu 26-Jul-07 12:49:58

take back the power, moljam, make some decisions and start living again..this is a horrible, trust free existence

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:50:25

what email adress?think thats someone else
firefairy2 your last post has given me lots to think about-the kick up the bum i need.hes burying his head in sand about money,im burying head in sand about him.

Fireflyfairy2 Thu 26-Jul-07 12:51:35

Sorry, I am getting him confused with someone else!!

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:51:41

thanks lulumama.firefairy right i need to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something constructive

moljam Thu 26-Jul-07 12:52:16

thats ok!was going to say-what do you know that i dont?!

lulumama Thu 26-Jul-07 12:52:58

you need to sit down, and decide what you want, what is best for you and the DCs, and communicate that to him

if he cannot keep a roof over your heads, and is a liar, then i don;t see that he should be a part of the equation at the moment...

it is not your job to carry him, you should be a team

Fireflyfairy2 Thu 26-Jul-07 12:53:55

I'm not being cheeky. I see a lot of my sister in you.

She texts my mam all the time "I am doing this, working myself to the bone etc.... HE is doing nothing!" I feel like shaking her... she needs to MAKE him do something... not let him away with it like a bold child

So just stop letting him treat you like crap. You're worth a hell of a lot more than just someone to scrape money together & get him out of debt.


Start by asking him what the loan was for & don't let him off until he is truthful with you.

How long have you been married?

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