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I've lost my orgasm

(17 Posts)
KnowWhatIWant Tue 24-Jul-07 21:25:35

I am a regular but have changed my name. I also realize the thread title sounds a bit odd but I am not a troll so please don't take the piss.

Me and dh have been together for 11 years, married for 9. We have a 5 year old dd.

We've always had a relatively healthy sex life, although I admit to not really being that adventurous, as I grew up in a culture where sex was something that was definitely not discussed, and was considered dirty outside of marriage. So consequently dh is the only man I have ever slept with.

Anyway I've noticed over the past 18 months or so that I've been less and less able to orgasm. It just hasn't happened. I've never orgasmed during sex but dh has always found other ways iykwim, but recently it just hasn't happened, and the result is that I've just withdrawn from that side of things more, although I still have sex with dh, I don't feel he should concentrate on me any more since there's never any end result.

Has anyone ever experienced this? am I impotent so to speak?

expatinscotland Tue 24-Jul-07 21:25:57

Where do you think it's gone?

KnowWhatIWant Tue 24-Jul-07 21:29:32

no idea. All I know is that it just doesn't happen any more no matter how hard dh tries.

KnowWhatIWant Tue 24-Jul-07 21:35:43

so no one has been through this?

EscapeFrom Tue 24-Jul-07 21:37:26

Have you tried doing your pelvic floors religiously for a few weelks?

Fireflyfairy2 Tue 24-Jul-07 21:39:06

Have you looked below the sofa/

That's where all my lost stuff usually ends up

3Ddonut Tue 24-Jul-07 21:39:14

Has anything else changed health-wise, as this sounds like a lack of libido, do you think it may be a touch of depression or exhaustion?

lucykate Tue 24-Jul-07 21:40:12

don't answer if you don't want to but have you tried, to see if you can make it happen iykwim?

KnowWhatIWant Tue 24-Jul-07 21:41:48

nothing's changed. It has coincided a bit with the fact we had a diagnosis a while back which means we may not be able to have any more children, won't give too many details as this may identify me, but after that I kind of lost the will/need/what you might call it, to have sex.

DumbledoresGirl Tue 24-Jul-07 21:42:06

Have you tried looking at something that used to turn you on and then tried masturbation?

KnowWhatIWant Tue 24-Jul-07 21:44:35

I have tried that and it did succeed, but tbh it took so long that it really wasn't worth the effort iykwim.

Hideehi Tue 24-Jul-07 21:46:36

I totally understand, are you tired, stressed ?
I find when I have loads on my mind, nothing can distract me enough to get there.
Don't know what the answer is, maybe Dh could give you a massage to get back the relaxation aspect of being in bed together.

KnowWhatIWant Tue 24-Jul-07 21:55:51

I wouldn't say tired or stressed as such, I am a bit fed up with my life though. I've been a sahm until dd started school, I always had planned to have more children but due to fertility issues this hasn't happened, and getting a job hasn't really been possible as we live out in the country and all the decent jobs are miles away so not really practical especially given school hours and holidays. So I am at a bit of a loose end now and feeling a sense that my work is done if that makes sense.

Heathcliffscathy Tue 24-Jul-07 21:57:39

i doubt this is physical.

how do you feel about yourself?

do you feel sexy? to yourself?

do you masturbate? can you come when you do?

Heathcliffscathy Tue 24-Jul-07 21:58:33

can you isolate an event or life change that started this? can you identify something that might ahve been a trigger?

do you resent your dh? even if unfairly?\\

sorry for the barrage of quesitons

Mommalove Tue 24-Jul-07 23:10:21

Message withdrawn

ChunkyNFunky Wed 25-Jul-07 22:12:04

How terrible

Have you spoken to your DH about this? Would he be understanding?

Can you remember the last time "it" happened? Was there anything special or different about the time, place, etc.?

Maybe you and DH should take a complete break from sex? Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that!

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