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I broke up with him but he doesnt want to break up and i'm confused(72 Posts)
So we've been together for quite a few years - 5.
We're both in our mid 20s.
I've posted my story before on this site but basically:
We're in a LDR. Have been for 8 months. He wanted to travel and see the world. I wanted to stay and complete my studies. He gave me one week notice at the end of november he was leaving. I was devastated of course.
We have had a few rough patches since then, broke up a couple of times but always ended up back together.
The plan was to see each other at summer. I was flying out to him. Summer is swiftly approaching and he didnt seem eager to book it - just had the 'we have plenty of time attitude' when there's only a few weeks left and then he started talking about how he wants to go and see some more.places so doesnt know when he'll be free. I am also applying for jobs so in the end I agreed to just leave the booking for now.
Then i didnt hear off him all weekend until Monday morning when i got a message saying 'been on an adventure'
And then he wasnt speaking properly all week.
I became frustrated, broke down in my work which ive never done, and realised this relationship was causing me too much stress.
My friends and parents think i'm being silly continuing to wait.
So i rung him. Told him i was unhappy and that i've broke down in work and i think we both want different things. He agreed at first. And that was that of that conversation.
Then yesterday, we spoke again as the night before was a bit emotional.
He told me that he doesnt want it to end and he will 1000% be home in October, maybe even July, August or September.
That'll be around 9 months of not seeing each other
I told him the trust has gone that he'll.actually come home. Plans have changed so much. The original plan was he was coming home during summer not me flying out to him; and he seems to get anxiety everytime things are approaching.
He told me he loves me and no matter what happens, he will be seeing me when he's home.
He said he doesnt understand why we have to break up.
I've told him to give us both a week to really think about this so we can both speak with clear heads. But i feel so confused
Even if he did fly back it would be because he feels he has lost control of her, not because he cares about her. Because 'how dare you block my emails and deny my ''feelings'' and try and move on with your life. How dare you break up with me' blah blah. Wouldn't put it past him.
I hope you didn't cave yesterday op. He really is a horrible person, believe it.
Oh, op. My ex didn't want to accept that we were over and sent me loads of letters by post. I read them initially but was throwing them in the bin unopened by the end. Don't read them, it does you no good at all. You don't owe him anything.
it's made me think of all the good times, the cuddles etc.
But you haven't been getting any good times or cuddles.
When he says "if you really loved me you would wait for me" then what he's saying is, "I expect you to agree to everything that makes me happy but I don't agree to do something simple (like come home for a few weeks over summer) to make you happy. Our relationship has to be 100% on my terms otherwise I will accuse you of not loving me or supporting me."
He is a selfish prick and just wants to keep you dangling while he is off gallivanting round the world and getting up to who knows what. He is desperately trying to reel you back in. Don't fall for it.
You are far better off without him. Stop reading his emails. Block him on all social media. Move on.
Seriously? Get a hobby and some self respect ! You have way too much time on your hands if you are giving that gobshite head space.
You tell him it's over and not to contact you so he throws insults at you and is now sending emails as if nothing had happened? He doesn't even have the manners to apologise profusely for his behaviour?
As others have said he is off riding all round him and you are the dutiful girlfriend at home like an eejit!
It's been over a week, if he really was that bothered, he'd of flown back to you by now. Stop torturing yourself and BLOCK him.
OP if he really was determined to be with you he'd not be hiding behind emails txts etc he would be banging at your front door trying to speak to you. My husband dropped everything and traveled up north to talk face to face. He doesn't sound committed he has you on the back burner. Just completely ignore block delete etc. Why not concentrate on yourself start getting out enjoying freinds and hobbys? Have a break from men until you've cleared your head. You also dont need knobheads permission to end things
Time for you to see the world.or whatever you wan't to do. Its pointless for you to be waiting around,and wondering so much,about this man's idea of a relationship. He seems to be calling the shots about his life,and what he want's to do,without a thought of what you are feeling.
Ps: I mean it, block.him.on.everything!
And treat yourself to a nice day tomorrow, go get pampered or something. Or sit in with some ice cream and wine You deserve a treat.
OP his response when you told him you wanted to break up was absolutely disgusting. How dare ANYONE talk to ANYONE like that? There is no excuse for it.
'a joke that doesn't know what love is' who the f*ck says that to someone? I am outraged and disgusted on your behalf. He is an utter utter ...I don't actually have the words.
And, he won't leave you alone, he has no respect for you or the word 'no'. I hope you have blocked him on everything, everywhere now because he is not a nice person.
Don't see him when he comes home either. Seriously, don't be talked into it. He had all the warning signs of an abuser. Infact, he already has been abusive in his response to your wanting to break up. Normal people don't talk to other people like that. Unhinged people do. It's funny how he mentioned your lack of feelings and empathy considering he appears to have none himself for you (other than contempt). Something common to abusers called 'projection' (when they project their own shittynes onto you).
You are doing so well getting shot of him and you should be proud of yourself, you deserve someone who can actually be there for you and, who is actually a decent human being. He, is scum.
Sorry to be harsh when you are looking for support but even if you were still ‘with’ him, you wouldn’t actually be seeing him. He keeps putting you off and there is no guarantee he is coming home in September or whenever as he keeps changing his plans which obviously do not involve you.
The good times and the cuddles? You haven’t seen him for 9 months have you?
So I've stopped the emails since he was sending one every couple of days;
Im just lookibg for a boost.
Yesterday i was sorting through clothes and dug deep into my closet was one of his jackets. It still had his smell on it. It really got to me. And it's made me think of all the good times, the cuddles etc.
I know not to take him back but I just need some support since the heartbreak feels raw today
You are not in no contact. Far from it. You are still in contact.
It needs to be on every level.
Thanks for the advice everyone!
And i know Jiggles! All sounds so crazy when i look back
Ignore, ignore, ignore OP.
I remember George Clooney being the same when I dumped him. All you can do is ignore the Ex and hope that he finds his own Amal.
I couldn't get past the fact that he graciously said you could still go to his bedroom and smell his clothes and duvet 🤦🏻♀️
He's not thicked skinned. He knows that OP has the breaking strain of a soggy KitKat.
Block his email address, phone number, social media the lot. Then you won't be tempted.
Thanks everyone for the support! Ive took everyones advice on board and ive been ignoring him.
Just over a week ago, i told him that was that but he told me he's going to email me his thoughts because then i dont have to read them.
It's been a week and so far ive had 2 emails telling me about his day and saying how proud of me he is, and a text saying 'have a fantastic day! I love you" this morning followed by an email explaining how his day has gone and how much he loves and misses me again.
Ive been ignoring them but i do feel bad sometimes.with the effort he's putting into his emails but i have told him to go no contact.
Hopefully he gets tbe hint.
Just posting here to stop myself giving in and replying!
Block, block, block ..... he fucked off on an adventure, continue chatting to the other guy and see where it goes.
Relationships should not be a ton of work, there should be fun and laughter not tears. Move on
Girl block him now. He is showing more of his true self!!! Hes emotionally abusing now God only knows what hes getting up to abroad !
Block him now and you go get someone else to go on a date with to boost your confidence.
Feic him the absolute gobshite !!
Were around the same age I'm 27 and I was in a similar situation wanting to breakup and on and off with someone from 19-23.
Looking back I wasted those years being unhappy most of the time.
You dump him now and you will be free of this misery and go ask that other lad out!
He’s annoyed you’re not going along with his wants.
He wants you to be there for him to pick up when he (eventually) decides to come home, he’s got no understanding of your wants and needs in this relationship and he is pissed off you’re just not going along with what he wants.
You know he will never put you first ever.
Then work on your self esteem before getting into a new relationship.
You aren't a troll but you do keep posting about the same situation, getting the same advice and then ignoring it. It is as plain as day that this entitled idiot is not your life's companion. FGS just stick to your final text. Don't communicate any more. Move on!
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