Mother's racist comments

[Gothicnightmare]

Visiting parents tonight and they were watching Coronation Street later on and my mother kept going on about the new black family on the show. Saying things like "They're everywhere!" and "They're taking over this country" and all that kind of crap. I told her to stop it and when she didn't I said I was leaving. Then I calmly got my stuff together, said goodnight and left.

She'd given me something to try when I was over and texted a short while ago saying she'd have given me it away with me. So I replied about 15 mins later and said ok but I was upset and embarrassed by her racist comments and if she does that again when I'm over, I'm leaving. It's her choice. Got a text a minute later from my dad saying she'd "gone to bed early". Hmm.

So frustrating! She does this all the time - saying stuff like "Go back to your own country" to black people on TV as if they can hear her ffs. She voted for Brexit too (as did my father) so that's a bone of contention.

[KennDodd]

I feel for you op, I've got a racist family as well. They're all got much worse, or rather feel freed to say what they really think, in recent years as well.

[Bluerussian]

I'm glad to hear you got up and left, so many people put up with this sort of talk from relatives. What's more, they say it in front of you as if it is normal talk and you agree with them!

Well done you.

[redbedheadd]

I'm glad you left she needs to realise that's not okay. Can you challenge her beliefs and have a discussion ?

[KennDodd]

If only you could 'reason' people out of racist beliefs! Racism is all about feeling imo, facts don't come into it, I've completely given up trying to talk racist round.

[pikapikachu]

My mum's raging racism is a major reason why I don't talk to her. You can't talk people out of disgusting views like racism ime.

[Hecateh]

I learned that a friend of mine had very stereotypical views about Asians. He is a mechanic.

When he expressed them I challenged him. He gave me a couple of examples of when he had seen the stereotypical behaviour.

I then told him he had obviously over charged me for some work he had done on my car. He looked puzzled and denied it. I told him he had clearly said he had done some work that obviously hadn't been done. He started to get annoyed and again denied it.

BUT I said - you must have because you're a garage and 'they all do that' and 'garages all take advantage of women because they don't know about cars'.

He told me they were a reputable garage and would never do that. 'Everyone knows - all garages do that' I said ' It's well known'.

I don't think I totally convinced him but I know at least he never expressed racist views to me again. AND I think it gave him some pause for thought

[Rainbowknickers]

I was once buying my son a school bag in Argos and made the mistake of asking dad if I should get the green or the black one (both the same bag just different colours)
‘Get the green one!’ He roars loudly ‘no grandson of mine is having a p*ki bag!’

I walked out

[Lozzerbmc]

Thankfully younger generations are so much more accepting, which puts me in mind of a lovely pic i saw on facebook ages ago.

Two american schoolboys who were inseparable best friends, had got different haircuts so teacher wouldnt mix them up. Then you saw pic, one boy was black the other white with big smiles and linked arms. Loved that they saw no barriers to their friendship.

[1forAll74]

Yes,its all very wrong,and sad. My late Mum was a bit racist. When I was divorced way way back, my late ex husband then married a woman from the Caribbean, and for years she would not let me speak about this woman in her company,despite me staying friends with my ex,and getting to know his new wife.

[Coyoacan]

Hecateh

What a wonderful example.

I grew up in N. Ireland, in the protestant community but in one of the few non-sectarian families at the time so I fortunately had not been instilled with hatred for Catholics.

Listening to the ridiculous things that class-mates said about Catholics and then moving to the other side of the world where nobody could understand our sectarianism, but still believed they were right in their own particular hatred was a learning experience that vaccinated me against these mindless hatreds of groups.

[TakenForSlanted]

I really get that, OP. As horrible as it sounds: you can't force her to change her stance - but you can decide whether you want to be talking to her.

FWIW, my father is a raging conspiracy nut. Chemtrails, flat earth, vaccinations as a means to execute mass depopulation - you name it, he buys into the steaming pile of crap.

However, for me it was the rabid anti-semitism that made me go NC. All the times that "them" ended up being "high finance" and namely "the Rothschilds" in particular and "the Jews" more broadly.

My relationship with him has improved massively since I no longer speak to him.

[KennDodd]

One thing I really despair about just how many people share these veiws and that the wind is in their sails and they're on the up.

My mum can come out with the most blatant racism, like "Romanians live like pigs and are just here to claim benefits" call her veiws racist and she gets hugely offended though. I honestly believe she doesn't think she is racist, she thinks these opinions are reasonable and correct. The rest of my family (of that generation) all think like her as well, without a single exception.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

MN seems to be full of people desperate to prove they're not a racist. It's normal now not to be and I can't remember the last racist comment I heard IRL.

[KennDodd]

Can you remember the last racist comment you heard from our politicians?

[MrJollyLivesNextDoor]

Our wonderful Boris Johnson compared Muslim burka wearers to letter boxes iirc

Racist misogynistic prick

[mimibunz]

All my family are racist and outraged to be called racist. I’ve gone NC with most of them because I don’t want to hear about it and they’re not good people.

[Gothicnightmare]

Thanks for your replies everyone. She's not responded to my text so I think she's sulking. Childish really.

[Xxalisoncxx]

My family are the most hateful, racist people I have ever meet. I couldn’t be friends with a lovely Asian girl because my dad didn’t approve. I had a boyfriend who was black, I had to hide it and eventually end it, because I knew the way my family would of reactivated. These days I’m mostly no contact with them- at least these days I can be with whoever I like!!

[SandyY2K]

It's good that she hasn't passed her views onto you.

I think a lot more people have her views than you may realise. They just know better than to vocalise them.

I'm a black person and have faced racism in the past. I see it as ignorance on their part. They've led a certain lifestyle and have very myopic views.

I tell my DC this, so they build up resilience for such comments and have confidence in who they are.

[JammyGem]

You have my sympathies OP, my family are very similar. My DM has much improved since I sat her down and said how much it upsets me. She was an avid Daily Mail reader but now reads other papers and no longer parrots their rubbish, and even calls out my DF's racism now. For her I think it was definitely ignorance rather than being malicious. For example, she didn't realise that the "correct" term nowadays is "black", as she'd been brought up to believe ty that was rude/racist and that the polite term was "coloured". She makes an effort to correct herself when she find out something is offensive. She still comes out with some odd things though (she's a proud Brexiteer because of "all those refugees") but is much more tolerant.

DF on the other hand claims he's not racist but is the most racist person I know. He takes great pride in telling any non-white person on the TV to "go home", and often exclaims "they should just shoot them all" when anything about Muslims is mentioned. He's very intimidating and the only time I stood up against him (when I was 17) he didn't speak to me for 2 months. He cant deal with anyone disagreeing with him. Now I just leave the room if he starts. It's only got worse the older he gets though.

[KennDodd]

DF on the other hand claims he's not racist but is the most racist person I know.

I don't think I've ever met a racist who thinks they are racist. That's why I always raise an eyebrow at "I'm not racist" claims. It's not something I would ever say about myself (white British) because this is the culture I have grown up in. I don't see how I could have spent my whole life swimming in this sea without being contaminated by some of these views. The best I can say is that I try not to be racist, my mum on the other hand insists she isn't in the slightest bit racist even right after saying the most appalling things. She's also completely blind to the racism of people like Nigel Farage.

[SwordofGryffindor]

How odd shes only saying this now ? The black community is a massive community in the uk

[jennymanara]

I am amazed at those who say they don't hear any racism these days. There is racism on MN nearly every time I come here.

[IAmAlwaysLikeThis]

My family are racist too, but now that I'm married to an Asian man, they are magically not racist against Asians.

Basically they just have no experience with anyone outside their little bubble of whiteness. They're idiots essentially.

[mabelmylove]

I find it so frustrating being around certain family members as they can be so racist and will laugh at me for speaking up. They will often say racist things to wind me up so sadly it’s got to the point where I just completely ignore it while they say outrageous things to each other then look over at me with a big grin. Not just racist either but often homophobic too (very much of the ‘gay pride is ridiculous, we don’t feel the need to rub it in people’s faces that we’re straight!’ brigade). I try to visit as minimally as possibly now.