The self loathing I feel afterwards is dabilitating. I can't function or concentrate, I hate myself.
I highly suspect he has ASD, as do others. He plays to his own agenda and is non-communicative. He agrees we will do things but does his own thing anyway then tells me he was agreeing for an easy life and didn't really agree.
He says black is white. Continues to use things when they are broken out of habit, refusing to get them fixed- for example continuing to use an appliance that is not working and refusing to spend money on fixing it, agreeing not to use it but continuing to use it, creating more problems.
Agreeing not to give the children specific foods etc, then giving them to them anyway.
I have to be in control because he won't but then he rebels at the decisions I make or plans I put in place to help us as a family, such as the use of a family calender- he would prefer not to share what he is doing with us but expects us to share what we are doing with him.
It's constant battle.
I accept it for a while and then I can't take much more of it and I erupt and behave like a nasty, aggressive crazy woman.
He then has a reason to be angry at me and moves into the spare room and ignores me for a week.
I hate this. Absolutely hate it.
We are not compatible. I don't see us working in the long term and plans have been discussed for separation. But how do I cope with this in the here and now.
Please does anyone have coping methods for me? I can't continue this loop of hating myself/ignoring each other/being civil/massive fallout/ hating myself etc.
Please don't come on here and call me controlling, this is only half the story here.
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Self loathing after another ragey outburst at ASD partnet
5 replies
Curer10 · 12/06/2019 09:29
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