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Self loathing after another ragey outburst at ASD partnet

(6 Posts)
Curer10 Wed 12-Jun-19 09:29:08

The self loathing I feel afterwards is dabilitating. I can't function or concentrate, I hate myself.

I highly suspect he has ASD, as do others. He plays to his own agenda and is non-communicative. He agrees we will do things but does his own thing anyway then tells me he was agreeing for an easy life and didn't really agree.
He says black is white. Continues to use things when they are broken out of habit, refusing to get them fixed- for example continuing to use an appliance that is not working and refusing to spend money on fixing it, agreeing not to use it but continuing to use it, creating more problems.

Agreeing not to give the children specific foods etc, then giving them to them anyway.

I have to be in control because he won't but then he rebels at the decisions I make or plans I put in place to help us as a family, such as the use of a family calender- he would prefer not to share what he is doing with us but expects us to share what we are doing with him.

It's constant battle.

I accept it for a while and then I can't take much more of it and I erupt and behave like a nasty, aggressive crazy woman.
He then has a reason to be angry at me and moves into the spare room and ignores me for a week.

I hate this. Absolutely hate it.

We are not compatible. I don't see us working in the long term and plans have been discussed for separation. But how do I cope with this in the here and now.

Please does anyone have coping methods for me? I can't continue this loop of hating myself/ignoring each other/being civil/massive fallout/ hating myself etc.

Please don't come on here and call me controlling, this is only half the story here.

bloodywhitecat Wed 12-Jun-19 09:41:00

None of how you describe him screams ASD, it screams bully and abusive. I don't think you can learn to live with his behaviour, one of you needs to move out as soon as possible. Have you asked for legal advice to find out what your rights are?

Curer10 Wed 12-Jun-19 21:24:29

I have looked into the legalities vaguely. I'm so tired all the time from the demands of a baby, I don't have the energy to leave him. He refuses to go.
I'm stuck.

RantyAnty Thu 13-Jun-19 02:10:51

He doesn't have ASD. He's your average abusive twat.

How old is your baby? Do you have any family around who can help?

Shequakes Thu 13-Jun-19 04:36:50

It's not ASD. It's being a dick.

It's actually getting really frustrating on MN lately when men who are just cunts get labelled 'probably ASD'.

Being a cunt is not a symptom of having ASD.

surlycurly Thu 13-Jun-19 05:27:14

I have ASD and I don't do any of the things you describe. I was, however, married to a narcissist and he did everything you describe, including using things that were broken; risking using them for convenience and out of some arrogance that surely they wouldn't break when he used them (like he used them better than me), ultimately making the issue much worse. He also agreed to things all the time with no intention of doing them. He had his own agenda and never communicated like an adult, or resolved anything properly. I wasted years of my life being utterly miserable, confused, angry, alone and unhappy. I should have left him when my DS was a baby. I didn't. I eventually threw him out when DS was 6. It's been horribly difficult as he's a lying, manipulative, dangerous bastard, but he's also no longer eating my brain like a worm. OP you need to leave him. And I rarely say that.

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