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Ex refusing to bring home the kids-hand hold needed

(256 Posts)
greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 20:46:44

My abusive exH had the kids for after school contact today and has refused to bring them back accusing me of abusing them. There's a court order in place and I have residency. I'm waiting for the police to get back to me. The eldest has high school tests tomorrow and the younger one will be really upset. The eldest has been very challenging lately telling lots of lies, disrespectful, lots of attitude and I'm at my wits end with her. Her reason for her behaviour is "things at dad's" but the courts and social services aren't interested. She has to go to contact.
I don't have much faith in the police to be honest and just want the children home.

user1494670108 Mon 10-Jun-19 20:49:39

Gosh, I hope the police bring them back to you very soon. The necessity for their intervention won't help him and your eldest will soon be old enough to choose not to go hopefully

Doyoumind Mon 10-Jun-19 20:49:54

What a twat. I hope the police are useful.

Pixikitten0123 Mon 10-Jun-19 20:50:09

If you have a child arrangement order which says the children reside with you then the police will remove them from his care. It’s crap having an abusive ex, I feel your pain xxx

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 20:52:36

Yes the court order says they live with me

Needsomebottle Mon 10-Jun-19 20:56:08

Sadly unless the court order has a power of arrest attached there's often little they can do to enforce it. If they haven't rung back yet make sure you have your paperwork to hand so you can read it out and they can tell you exactly what power they have.

That said, if you have genuine concern for their well-being with their father - the eldests behaviour and them saying it's due to "things at dads" - you can ask at the very least for a welfare check on them where police should physically attend and speak to them. If eldest is of an appropriate age they can speak to them alone. And their presence may "encourage" their dad to return them home.

mybeebop Mon 10-Jun-19 20:59:04

Hope you get them back! Have you told the police that your eldest has school tests tomorrow? More reasons they need to be at home and in bed!

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 21:07:27

I've just chased it up and informed them she has tests tomorrow and all her school stuff is here including uniform. I'll be getting a call back but they can't tell me when. No doubt they'll tell me it's then too late to get them out of bed. Pure coercive control from the exH again. 6.5 years of this. 18 times to court. But no one stops him.

Fidgety31 Mon 10-Jun-19 21:14:50

When my ex did this the police told him my son had to be returned - but they couldn’t get involved any further as it’s a civil matter . There were no police peers attached to the court order.
I had to drive a very very long way (4hrs) to go and get him .

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 21:22:46

That's appalling Fidgety31. I don't drive and have never been to where they stay. Ex drops them outside and usually have no contact with him if possible. Trying to be civil results on things like this happening.
Hopefully he'll bring them back and I won't have to take further action.

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 21:48:33

It's looking unlikely I'll get them back tonight considering the time. Ex will say they are asleep.

horrayforharoldlloyd Mon 10-Jun-19 21:50:58

@greyrockblock have you looked to join Mothers United? There are lots of windmill women who have experienced this from their abusers too who will be able to help you. You can look them up on Facebook.

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 22:08:25

Thank you. Both their phones are off so I can't even contact them.

Pikapikachooo Mon 10-Jun-19 22:15:53

Sounds like he has battered you down
And also very Concerning re your elders DD comments

Have you tried to get out of her what it is ? And have you had recent dealings with SS?

I am Very sorry to hear this OP. Pray for the kids To get a bit older and be able to exercise their own free choice about seeing him

I have no advice but sending my best for them getting back to you soon flowers

What a bad bad father he is

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 22:33:04

The problem is now that I will never trust him again to bring them home after contact.
I'll be speaking to my solicitor in the morning to see what I can do to protect the children from now on.

SushiTime Mon 10-Jun-19 22:39:17

That's awful OP! No advise but I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

Manclife1 Mon 10-Jun-19 22:45:26

If there’s no power of arrest mentioned in your court order them all police can do is check on their welfare. They cannot force him to hand over the kids.

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 23:15:09

I'm going to have to go to bed. Ive got a nursery age child to look after too and have one hell of a headache with all this stress. I've phoned them again and now been told that as soon as they've spoken to the children and all the adults involved then they will be in touch. I doubt they'll wake the children up though if asleep. This will have to go back to court. He can't keep pulling shit like this. I've been accused yearly of abusing them. I'm exhausted by it all and can't even get hold of them to know they are ok.

Passtherioja Mon 10-Jun-19 23:20:53

I think you gave a very good case for stopping contact (once they're home) until you've been back to court.

If he takes them to school tomorrow collect them early (if school says that you can't they can not refuse to give your own children to you but some schools forget that they don't have PR!!)

Once they are home have a huge cuddle and explain x

BlackeyedGruesome Mon 10-Jun-19 23:23:00

email school and let them know that dd was not brought home, does not have uniform or school things and can she have consideration of this in her tests.

email youngest school that they have been at their dads and not returned from contact and that they may be out of sorts in the morning.

get it all on record. If they turn up to school without the right equipment etc then they should not be punished as their father is a fuckwit.

TheJoxter Mon 10-Jun-19 23:29:32

I had a very similar situation recently but only one child involved and I have been granted an emergency court hearing (2 weeks after I sent the forms in, so not immediate but nowhere near as long as a normal one takes) it’s next week so no idea what the outcome will be but just letting you know that’s an option! flowers

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 23:36:38

I've contacted both schools by email tonight so they'll get it first thing. I've explained what's what and that I'm waiting for the police. Both schools are aware and have been involved in dad's antics before. The eldest is year 7 so her school aren't as used to him but fully aware of everything so far including all the DV/DA history and previous involvement with SS.
I'll email the solicitor now and inform him of everything too as it was the duty solicitor I spoke to earlier.
I have legal aid for dealing with this fuckwit and had a previous restraining order against him. There is a long history but he keeps his abuse just on the line of acceptable by the police, SS and the courts. Although I'm still confused as to how rape isn't a crime according to the detective who took my video interview. I've tried to let that go and move on but he's messing up the kids lives and I'm really worried as to the effect on them as they hit their teens.

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 23:38:01

@TheJoxter has you ex still got your child? 2 weeks is awful! thanks

HJWT Mon 10-Jun-19 23:47:37

@greyrockblock I am so sorry! Our justice system is truly FUCKED...

greyrockblock Mon 10-Jun-19 23:59:26

Ok, everyone has been emailed now so all I can do is carry on waiting for the police to get in touch. I have no faith in my local police force but I think it's disgusting that 5 hours after my children should have been home they still haven't let me know anything. I called them as soon as he told me he wasn't returning them and they've not got back to me at all. I just hope they've actually checked on the children.

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