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Pregnant and did something insane

(280 Posts)
ohlordielord Fri 07-Jun-19 21:58:16

Name changed for this. I don’t know what to do for the best anymore but my anxiety is through the roof, I am being eaten away by guilt like a worm in my soul. Found out I was pregnant & initially was very happy and told DP straight away and he was very happy too. Then I was hit with a wave of anxiety over it all and specifically from a memory of something that I did right at the start of mine and DP’s relationship 4 years ago (very regrettable one night stand) and another one night stand with someone else when we were in dating phase. I never told him and buried it. But with the pregnancy it’s all resurfaced and I’m not sure why but I guess from the sense we were about to embark on such a huge emotional journey, I felt I couldn’t do it without telling him the truth. I told him yesterday evening and he went out. Back now but hasn’t mentioned it but being very terse. Please don’t berate me, I know my behaviour was abominable and abominable of me to rake it all up now but I wouldn’t have done it if my anxiety levels weren’t sky high. I feel terrible and guilty and like he thinks I have trapped him with this pregnancy (which was unplanned) - I want to say to him now that if he wants to never see me again I will have a termination, though that’s not what I want. But I fee like my gut is turning and I’m not functioning well at the moment. Please somebody say something kind because I don’t think I can speak to anyone in real life.

BarbarianMum Fri 07-Jun-19 22:04:39

He may or may not be able to move past this, I suggest you give him space to work through things. He may feel that you've trapped him with this pregnancy because, well, you sort of have.

That said you do not "owe" him a termination if you do not want one. He can make his decisions, you can make yours.

PregnantOnPurpose Fri 07-Jun-19 22:06:13

You've done the right thing. If it's been in your subconscious for this long, the hormones and increased anxiety of your pregnancy would have just made you feel so down all the way through. It's a stress you dont need at the moment.

I can imagine he is hurt and an element of trust is probably lost. But he came home, maybe he needed to think. Let him talk when he is ready, and let him know that you are ready to tall whenever he is.

Bottling up the emotion is never good, if you decide to stay together and have a family tou need to put this behind you both now, otherwise it will be used as a lever against you in the future.

Please try not to worry to much, you did what you thought was tight.


BarbarianMum Fri 07-Jun-19 22:07:29

Sorry, posted too soon. Do you think you should talk to your doctor or midwife about how you are feeling? Pregnancy hormones are very overwhelming in some people and you do sound like you are in mental turmoil with yours.

Ohyesiam Fri 07-Jun-19 22:09:35

Op you need some support with your anxiety. Even if you just put headspace app on your phone and do the breathing exercises, you need to do something to calm down.
I know you are overwhelmed right now but stand back for a little perspective. This is a crisis now, but if your life story were written as a book, this would be a little bit in a chapter.
Early pregnancy hormones made me v anxious so I do get it.

BumbleBeee69 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:10:17

WTF were you thinking doing that to him, immediately following giving him this wonderful news ? why now OP ? you've had 4 years to tell him and you tell him now .. wow flowers

EarringsandLipstick Fri 07-Jun-19 22:14:32


What a nasty post. And the PA flowers at the end too 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP has told us why she did it, as best she can rationalise. Having found out she was pregnant she felt a need to confess all to DP. No, I don't think it's the best idea but OP if your relationship was strong for the last 4 years, hopefully you can move beyond this.

Are you happy to be pregnant? Truly?

sqirrelfriends Fri 07-Jun-19 22:14:35

I'm sorry OP, it must have been really been weighing on your mind. We all make mistakes but you admitted yours, not everyone is big enough to do that. It's probably better it's out now rather than further down the line.

If he does decide to end the relationship would you be in a position to have the baby by yourself? Many people do and are absolutely fine.

PregnantOnPurpose Fri 07-Jun-19 22:15:00


She asked for support not judgement.
She is pregnant, full of emotions that come in waves, that's tough enough. Shes made a tough decision but based on the way she is feeling she needed to.

Either that or there would forever be an elephant in the room, nobody like the elephant in the room.

ohlordielord Fri 07-Jun-19 22:21:35

I do know the timing is bad but my intention wasn’t to hurt him. And I know I sound selfish here and I’m the one at fault but what about ME? I couldn’t go on with a sense of duplicity weighing heavy on my conscience.

BumbleBeee69 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:23:35

yeah poor you OP hmm

BumbleBeee69 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:25:25

Either that or there would forever be an elephant in the room, nobody like the elephant in the room.

it's been sat in the room for 4 YEARS ?! but she decided to destroy the guys 'Your gonna be a Dad' moment hand in hand with .. I've had two one night stands 4 years ago too... biggest elephant ever hmm

ohlordielord Fri 07-Jun-19 22:26:32

@bumblebeee69 have you never made a mistake? In my shoes would you be willing to have stomach churning anxiety and swirling thoughts?

ohlordielord Fri 07-Jun-19 22:28:00

I hoped he would understand. I was very young and inexperienced then (only 21) and never knew I’d still be with him years later.

BumbleBeee69 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:29:01

I think he's going to need more than time, you've tarnished this wonderful moment for him forever, but you know this.

Fedoratheexploreer Fri 07-Jun-19 22:29:10

Have you spoke to your partner yet?. Were you exclusive when you had the ONS?

PregnantOnPurpose Fri 07-Jun-19 22:30:50

Yes bumblebee. But when you're pregnant your emotions are seriously elevated.

What was a regular sized elephant was probably now a mutant elephant squeezing her against the walls of the room.

.. I'm enjoying the elephant punnary too much.

But we all make mistakes, she can here for reassurance and your just being a wasp, not a bee.

ohlordielord Fri 07-Jun-19 22:31:50

@fedoratheexploreer we were exclusive but only just. Was another few months before we said we loved each other.

This is all such a mess I honestly feel like I can do nothing but weep.

BumbleBeee69 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:35:14

He will be back OP, but christ almighty, think about his feelings right now.

sqirrelfriends Fri 07-Jun-19 22:36:08

Ignore the nasty posters OP. You could ask the most benign question in the world on here and someone would have something mean to say.

dustarr73 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:37:20

Unless @ohlordielord there was a chance he wasnt the dad,you should have just buried it.

And maybe cheat once thats a mistake,Twice.No.

Can you imaging if a man came on here saying he cheated twice.He would be hung out to dry.

Kingslayer Fri 07-Jun-19 22:38:22

but what abso you cheated on your partner, waited 4 years to say anything, then picked an horrendous time.
And now posting on here saying w"what about me?"
What about you?? Seems this whole shitstorm is about you

sqirrelfriends Fri 07-Jun-19 22:38:33

@BumbleBeee69 why are you trying to make OP feel even worse? She has acknowledged she's made a mistake.

ohlordielord Fri 07-Jun-19 22:38:52

@dustarr73 the first time we had only been on a few dates though! I know it doesn’t make it right but I was hardly cheating on my husband or long term partner

dustarr73 Fri 07-Jun-19 22:41:30

@sqirrelfriends dont make this about @BumbleBeee69.She didnt cheat.She is only giving an opinion.

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