I feel terrible saying it, but it’s true.
I would never, ever have taken on the responsibility of becoming a parent if I had any idea this would be the reality.
DC’s father is fucking horrible, emotionally abusive, manipulative and nasty. I only began to realise this during my pregnancy, past the point I could have had an abortion. If DC father had been active and supportive, I have no doubt I would enjoy being a parent and be happy with my life, unfortunately that’s not the case and never will be.
I miss my old life before DC so deeply, not because of DC who I love, but the difficult circumstances which having them has led me to. I know it isn’t DC fault - and I do everything I should be doing, cook healthy foods, have a routine in place, days out, children’s groups, soft play, play dates, but it makes no difference to how I feel and how unhappy with life I am.
Every day it feels like a physical weight dragging me down. It is not depression because I can pin point exactly why I feel this way - and on the two occasions I have had a few DC free hours over the last year, I’ve felt fine and happy and enjoyed that time. Then coming home is like being locked back into prison, where all I do is clean, cook, and care. It’s so isolating and sad.
We barely afford essentials, and even when DC start school, it will just mean I rush from the school run to work to the school run then repeat that cycle. The thought of doing this and living like this for over a decade fills me with complete dread.
No support (most friends disappeared) and no family support - mother with mental health issues, no one to turn to.
I feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Motherhood is making me miserable.
Dinos3 · 25/05/2019 10:09
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