Hi all. This is sort of a long story but the short version is that my partner of 9 years won't touch me because of how I look.
We have a 4.5 year old dd and I've been though some trauma in that time too (termination due to HG, 2 cancer scares etc). I'm 32.
I'm 5'11 and 220lbs though that's only a stone heavier than when we met. I've been trying to lose weight but I'm also weaning off anti depressants and I'm finding it hard, thoygh I have lost almost 2 stone since having our dd.
I have a few texts that I'll copy and paste because I'm feeling really disjointed... Which is probably coming across.
I went upstairs upset hence the texts.
Me: I really need more affection in our relationship. We don't cuddle, kiss, hold hands or anything, the only time you touch me is when we have sex and even then it's basic. If I didn't force you to kiss our cuddle we never would. It's soul destroying. The only attention you give me is when you're joking about usually trying to get a rise out of me, or putting me down (again a joke I know) but that's probably why I take it so hard, I have no idea why you're with me most of the time, it's pretty obvious you'd be happier with someone else x
Him:
I apologize for however I have been or if I have put you down in anyway maybe in my own stupid way im trying to drop hints as far as kissing and holding hands goes maybe some of that attraction has gone I'm not trying to hurt you I'm really not I love you x
Me : What do you mean by some of that attraction has gone? Do you mean you're hinting at not wanting to kiss cuddle or hold my hand because the attraction has gone?
Him: This ain't easy to talk about as I love you but i don't fancy you as much as I once did
Me: I asked him if he wanted to break up
Him: No I love you and it would kill me if (dd) didn't have a proper family .. look you probably need certain things from me for what we have to work for you going out more together as a couple for one more loving towards you etc I or you can probably write a list of things I need to work on and I'm fine with that I'm not perfect and I'll be first to admit it ..if you want me to be more affectionate ect then can we both maybe together get healthy not just for us but for the long term and [DD] ..I never want to hurt you and I realize I probably have been doing just that not that I ment to
Me: I really need time to digest this. I'm going to put (dd) in with me and you can have her bed. Just so you know I'm less than a stone heavier than I was when we met, I'm not the healthiest person but for the most part my body looks like this because I had our child.. And I'm not gonna lie.. This coming up when I'm weaning off anti depressants probably isn't the best timing but at least I now know how utterly shallow you are as a person. Good night.
Him: (dd) is coming up five this is pretty much first time I've mentioned it but yet I'm shallow you buy all this fitness stuff and never use it I mentioned getting healthy (together) and you have a dig I'm not trying to hurt you ..you want me to kiss cuddle have more passionate sex hold hands (never been a hand holder btw) but you won't put in some effort to get fitter maybe you don't care how i feel that's fine
Me: You've told me you're ashamed of me more than once. Told me you don't fancy me countless times, embarrassed me countless times, talked about how you want me to look anything apart from how I do all the time, say how much you like the way other girls look. Pick on how I dress and how my hair looks. You always backtrack and say you don't mean it but obviously you always did. And I have been putting in effort, I've lost 2 stone, I've been lifting weights and doing pushups etc and exercising when you're at work, I won't do it in front of you because I feel like an embarrassment. I've asked you countless times to do it with me but you never have. You go out of your way to wait until I'm in bed. I'm just not good enough, I never was. As soon as you saw how tall I am you've always mentioned how you want a girl that is smaller so you can pick them up and throw them about. You won't touch me because of how I look. No matter what else that we're supposed to be, that's the bottom line.
If you read that... Thanks lol..
Please be honest, am I being over sensitive? Is he right, here?
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Relationships
He won't touch me. (really long with copy and pasted texts)
Alabama2014 · 19/05/2019 23:24
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