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Would this be narcissistic?

(33 Posts)
Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 16:32:37

Just trying to piece together if someone (man) is narcissistic- will give a few examples and please can everyone state opinions thanks

People comment on how 1 year old baby looks like him. This is said by random people and family/friends
His response always: "poor girl" or "hope she doesn't go bald like me"

He badmouths faults such as people who are overweight even size 12 calls them big or plump

Says he knows better and is always right - sometimes says jokingly but often repeats this so loses it's "humour"

When someone fancies him or has known to be fancied will say "can you blame her?"
Says jokingly but seems to mean it

Will think of more examples depending on replies

SistersKeeper12 Thu 16-May-19 16:46:58

Sounds like a dick with a bad sense of humour to me?!

Haffiana Thu 16-May-19 16:52:10

No, he seems a bit irritating.

I really wonder if people genuinely think that a twat = narcissist. That is like saying a toddler tantrum = Columbine killer.

CabbageHippy Thu 16-May-19 17:02:08

OP is this your partner?

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 17:09:45

I've just been told by professionals he seems to have narcissistic tendencies so confused me a little bit

I'm trying to think of a few more examples

One being he is very derogatory about women - thinks women are money grabbers or cheats. Has zero respect in the way he talks about them

Lonelycrab Thu 16-May-19 18:25:46

The central traits of narcissism are the three e’s: entitlement, empathy impairment and exploitation. These are at the core of things to my understanding.

He sounds like (just) a bit of a twat tbh. Nothing you’ve said about him points to these three core features.

NoBaggyPants Thu 16-May-19 18:31:14

Have these professionals assessed him, or are these passing comments based solely on your observations?

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 22:32:42

Yes just comments made by what I've said

Can someone give examples of how a narcissist behaves in daily situations please?

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 22:35:17

He definitely has no empathy. Didn't bat an eyelid when my nana died who he got on with and made jokes about her estate. Doesn't seem to feel sorry for people's misfortune says they bring it on themselves
Commented on how he was sick of my friend crying on phone to me / she'd just lost her mum and
Been dumped st the same time , his view it was her own fault"

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 22:37:37


Namechangeforthiscancershit Thu 16-May-19 22:41:40

Just sounds like an idiot tbf

Do you want to be with him?

DpWm Thu 16-May-19 22:42:17

Can someone give examples of how a narcissist behaves in daily situations please?

Narcissists are all individual people with various personalities. Narcissism can manifest in many different ways.

Mainly, selfishness, excessive interest in ones own "image", lack of empathy, entitlement, constant need for their ego boost.

DpWm Thu 16-May-19 22:44:53

With small snippets like those you have provided it's impossible to know if he's a narcissist.

Have you read about NPD?

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 22:53:38

I have read up on it but haven't seen many examples of behaviour in day to day situations
Just thought I'd get that from here but I understand it's a complex situation
I would also say he's emotionally abusive but not sure if this ties in with narcism

surlycurly Thu 16-May-19 22:54:36

To be honest I don't think it matters what his medical diagnosis is or isn't; hows a horrible person. I'd LTB.

PuppetShowInTheSoundofMusic Thu 16-May-19 22:56:04

Can someone give examples of how a narcissist behaves in daily situations please?

If you aren't in a love bombing/revaluing phase, classic examples are:

You: I am so unwell I think I might be dying. Could you call an ambulance please?
Narcissist: Now you mention it, I don't feel too good either. sorry I've got an important meeting so don't have time. I really must get myself checked out at the doctors. You know where the phone is. I've got to go now.

You: I see Mr X was made a partner.
Naricissist: I should have been made a partner years ago. I'm much better than everyone.

You: I need help with this.
Narcissist: I need help with that. Why do you think you are more important than me?

Generally just doing what they want,when it suits them at all costs to everyone around them - except when it might benefit them to do otherwise -so early love bombing, treating people they see as equals or people they see as offering them something like work promotion, money, sex, fame by association.

happybunny007 Thu 16-May-19 23:01:32

Why does it matter?

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 23:03:33

Long story
But I'm trying to get some info on whether this man is narcissistic

Irishdolly Thu 16-May-19 23:04:18

Thanks puppets
Actually this is weird those scenarios you've posted ring a bell with him

happybunny007 Thu 16-May-19 23:10:10

Literally nobody can diagnose him over the Internet!

ChristmasFluff Fri 17-May-19 11:29:14

surlycurly absolutely has it spot on. It's pointless trying to diagnose others. what matters is their behaviour and how you deal with it.

If this is your partner, why on earth would you want to continue a relationships with someone who doesn't care when you are bereaved and is boorish and insensitive to you or others?

You do not need a diagnosis to be boundaried. You do not need a diagnosis for 'permission' to end a relationship. You do not need a diagnosis full stop.

Whereas understanding why you feel you need a diagnosis will tell you a lot about yourself.

Lots of people feel that if their partner is a narcissist, then either 'it's not their fault' and so they will continue to tolerate abuse; or they will think 'my love can fix him' (it can't) and they will stay and tolerate abuse; or they will believe that narcissism is unfixable, and so they will feel 'hooray - permission to leave!'.Any of those responses reveals a gap in self-love.

Knowing someone else's diagnosis doesn't repair your own boundary function. Knowing your own vulnerabilities does.

purplelass Fri 17-May-19 11:43:38

I don't understand the need for a diagnosis? There isn't a cure that I know of

I would describe my ExH as a narcissist, or at least having narcissistic tendencies, but never had any kind of diagnosis. I just knew that I couldn't tolerate what he was doing, or the way he was acting, any longer.

If you don't like his behaviour, just leave? You don't need to label anything. If it's wrong it's wrong...

TeaForTheWin Fri 17-May-19 12:02:43

The first lot of stuff you listed...meh...not anything to go on really.

But he definitely 'doesn't have empathy' is pretty telling. Could be a cluster b personality disorder, sure. And 'derogatory of women' potentially another sign of it.

Hmm, trying to think of examples.
*Have you ever seen triangualtaion from him - eg: with another women or friend (or even a place - he would rather be there than here with you).
*Nagging, a lot of them are prone to nagging (even buttering toast has 'a correct way to do it' - their way). Nag nag nag.
*Put downs - you can never seem to do anything right and they make you feel 'not good enough'. They take any opportunity to make you seem stupid/weak/over-reacting/crazy/ugly ect...
*Neediesness - you have other things to do today (a test to study for or family to catch up with) and they know it, they suddenly need you to pay them attention in some way. Eg: they are having a crisis today and you NEED to be there for them.
*Sexual/affection rejection - they make you feel like you are 'clingy' or perverted for wanting affection or sex.
OR the opposite - weird sex obsessions or extreme kinks.
*Draining - after spending time with them you feel knackered or sad or really low about yourself and the state of your life.
*One upping - you have a dingy? Well THEY have a speedboat. You passed your exams today with B's, well THEY remember that time they passed their exams when they were much younger than you, wit A+s
*Hobbies and interests - you have something you like? Either they take it up and try and one up you in it OR (if it is something they can't do) - it is 'sad' or 'boring' or 'so easy I don't know why you waste your time'. They'll flirt with anyone you like too OR try and put that person off you to make sure you don't get them.
* General competitiveness.
*Slagging off good influences in your life like nice friends. But praising other people who are mean to you. Eg: you decide to drop a fake friend who has been taking the p*ss for far too long - the narcissist will encourage you to give this person another chance.

Just some general stuff, some are more common in friendships with one. Others more common in relationships.

Haffiana Fri 17-May-19 17:04:39

But he definitely 'doesn't have empathy' is pretty telling. Could be a cluster b personality disorder, sure. And 'derogatory of women' potentially another sign of it.

@TeaForTheWin You win MN Armchair Diagnoser Gold Medal hands down. Thread after thread you trot out this utterly embarrassing shite.

Amazing that others need a medical degree and then a further 5 years specialist training, when all you need is a check list of cartoon behaviours, eh?

TeaForTheWin Fri 17-May-19 17:34:47

Pretty sure you don't need a medical degree to notice signs of a potential narcissist. I'm not diagnosing anyone am I?

Also, what are you my stalker? Get a life.

TeaForTheWin Fri 17-May-19 17:42:19

Also, no idea where you got the idea that anyone needs a medical degree to diagnose narcissism? xD Not even true.

horizontalis Fri 17-May-19 17:50:28

Sounds like an egotistical misogynistic twat totally lacking in social niceties and with all the empathy of a brick to me.

I've no narc experience (thankfully) but I've read quite a few of the narcissist threads on here, and from what you've said so far he doesn't really fit with that.

Maybe he's just an arsehole.

PuppetShowInTheSoundofMusic Fri 17-May-19 18:29:06

I'd also add to my list (again excluding revaluing/love bombing phase when they are utter ideal partners) doing the opposite of what you want to do. In fact, this is such a tell of narcissism that not only can you use it as a test, you can use it to get what you want. Example:

you arrive at an outdoor cafe.
N: where do you want to sit?
You I'd like to sit in the sun.
N Let's sit here this is the best table [in shade].

You arrrive at an outdoor cafe
N: where do you want to sit:
You I'd like to sit in the shade.
N Let's sit here this is the best table [in the sun]

Applies to absolutely everything - whatever you want, they will do their level best to get the oposite in play. The trouble is in most cases by time you cotton on to the fact you are dealing with a N, they already know enough about you to know what you really want so it is hard to fool them properly.

NannyMcfanny Sat 18-May-19 13:39:46

This guy is good at explaining

NannyMcfanny Sat 18-May-19 13:40:58

He has lots of videossmile

ChiaraRimini Sat 18-May-19 18:50:36

Does it matter what label you can put on him, OP?
If he treats you badly, you should dump him. It doesn't matter why surely?

lifebegins50 Sat 18-May-19 19:53:40

There is no cure for NPD however it helps to validate your experience if you know that what you are experiencing is real. I also wish I had known of the traits years ago as it may have helped me to leave earlier. I didn't know lack of empathy was a "thing" so assumed I just needed to explain my feelings better. Also knowing he had NPD may have helped me prepare for leaving and know how vindicative he would be. I assumed he hated me so would want me gone but my leaving triggered an injury that caused rage. When you see rage it is on a different level to anger, truly scary stuff.

NPD characters have unstable relationships and cannot make real connections so there will be a history of failed or superficial relationships. That is an indicator and one I wish I knew beforehand.
Another test is what happens when you say "No" to them. Those with NPD will react very badly to No, not anger but rage. Often not shouty but they display utter contempt for you.
They also need constant validation which becomes obvious to spot once you are aware. Everyone likes positive feedback but Ex needed glowing praise for everything he did..he lapped it up, even if it was obviously excessive praise.

They are super sensitive to criticism, again no one likes to be criticised but they react very defensively to minor perceived slights.

You will often feel drained after being around someone with NPD and walk on eggshells. It is very different to being around or living with an annoying or irritating person.

Closetbeanmuncher Sat 18-May-19 23:01:22

Is this the cheat that you kicked out we are talking about OP?

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