NC for this. I have developed a massive crush, and I don’t know how to manage the disappointment/sadness I feel.
I am a 34 year old woman and I have been (happily) married for 4 years, but unfortunately the last 3 or so years have been completely sexless. I don’t know why or what caused this and am so ashamed (I haven’t told anyone about this, even my best friend). I feel so sad about this, but my sexual attraction to my husband has waned. He is my best friend, and I think he is the sweetest, nicest, best person, the man I want to be the father of my children - but I don’t feel passion for him in a physical way. We do absolutely everything together - even commuting to and from work together, messaging each other constantly.
When I masturbate or fantasise, it is never thinking of him. This breaks my heart because I adore him and I want us to be together.
This is a horrible cliche, but we have recently had some minor building working done at our home. I have developed an all-consuming crush on our builder - he is absolutely lovely, so polite and physically beautiful - so nice to chat to and a really interesting person. He was so kind and made an effort to talk to me and was just wonderful - I was fizzing with excitement, looking forward to each day I would see him. I have made the terrible mistake of looking him up on social media and this has just deepened my crush. He lives locally to me, and we have some shared interests.
Now the building work has finished, I’m unlikely to see him again but I feel absolutely bereft! I feel like I did when I was single and dating, and a relationship did not work out. I keep imagining myself being single and how I would have been able to interact with him, imagining us going on dates, kissing him and being together. I feel so, so sad that I will not see him again. If I honestly had my chance I would have kissed him, slept with him, tried to see him again.
I am also so sad because (rather embarrassingly) I was working from home yesterday, and hoped that I would be able to say goodbye to him on my own and enjoy his company alone for one last time. But my husband finished work early, and joined me - meaning that our builder chatted to both of us and it was all very professional, rather than relaxed and friendly.
I know that my experience won’t be the same as his - he probably just sees me as another (and probably not very valued) customer. He never gave any impression of wanting a friendship or anything further.
I know how childish this post is, and no doubt everyone will tell me to get over it and stop being so awful to my lovely husband, but how can I stop feeling so sad? I’m just so down, thinking about him and this is manifesting in trouble sleeping, being distracted at work and even wanting to hurt myself (I self-harmed as a teenager and occasionally in my 20s when feeling stressed). How can I get over this because my heart is breaking.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Married woman - massive crush, now heartbroken
Heartsick101 · 16/05/2019 14:37
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