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How to tell impossible MIL she's wrong?

(13 Posts)
GreyDuck Thu 16-May-19 11:20:15

I don't have a great relationship with my MIL. I find her very difficult in many ways, particularly what I consider her rude and aggressive conversation style and her inability to see any point of view other than her own. She will quite often tell me that something I've said is "absolute rubbish" and if you dare to disagree with her she gets very aggressive/ defensive. She also bears grudges and will hold the smallest thing against you for ages.
We don't see her all that often so to keep her in the loop I send her photos of what our family has been up to. I have just found out she's been posting these on her Facebook account. I am not happy about this. I know she doesn't mean any harm, but I am very careful about what I put on the internet, and hardly put any personal things up. If I wanted these pictures on the internet I'd put them on my own page!
How can I get her to stop without provoking a showdown? If she won't stop I will stop sending her the pictures, but it would be better if she didn't have to miss out.

Hollowvictory Thu 16-May-19 11:21:13

I would not send pictures. No confrontation, I don't do nice things for nasty people.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Thu 16-May-19 11:23:02

Just stop sending pictures - no drama required...

Pinkarsedfly Thu 16-May-19 11:23:04

‘I choose not to post pictures of my kids on the internet so can you please take them down?’

MIL - rantrantrant

‘I’m sorry you feel like that. Please take the pictures down.’

Repeat ad nauseum. If she doesn’t, don’t send her any more pictures. It’s her fault if she misses out.

Or get your DH to tell her. It’s his mum.

MyFamilyAndOtherAnimals1 Thu 16-May-19 11:27:17

I would tell her you would prefer that they're not posted on social media, and I would also send them in a different format - perhaps as a pdf? (I know that these can be converted to a jpeg, but it would take time & it would be wrong of her to go through that process when she knows that you don't want them up)

Stayawayfromitsmouth Thu 16-May-19 11:29:39

Just stop sending her pictures and tell her why if she asks.

MacrosomicMumma Thu 16-May-19 11:32:37

You don't. Your husband tells her. No more pictures if she continues. If she complains, refer back to husband.

wowfudge Thu 16-May-19 11:34:14

I'd add to that and if she asks why and when you tell her she moans or grumbles there's nothing wrong with putting the pictures on her FB you can then add you find she is inflexible and not prepared to consider your point of view or concerns as she has just demonstrated. It's different if she asks you why you don't want them on her FB.

Absolutepowercorrupts Thu 16-May-19 11:40:47

Have you asked her to stop? Does she know that you don't like her doing this?
If you have and she's ignoring you then just tell her you won't be sending her anymore photos.
I would ask once and if she persisted I would just stop sending photos to her without any explanation

ImNotNigel Thu 16-May-19 11:43:38

What they all said - stop sending her photos, it’s your husband’s job to keep in touch with her.

If she is rude in conversation , stop and stare at her and say “ did you mean to be so rude “.

If that doesn’t stop her, don’t converse with her anymore. Let your husband deal with her, make it his problem and not yours.

GreyDuck Thu 16-May-19 13:44:26

Hmm. I suppose I'm looking for a way to tell her, without actually having to tell her.
I will need to speak to my husband and hope he will do it. He's not really known for his tact either. I don't see it going well.

Chamomileteaplease Thu 16-May-19 13:51:58

Why would you want to keep such a horrible person "in the loop"???

If you stop sending the pictures it gives you more leverage as well. Why let her know what's going on in your lives at all?

Does your dh like her?

poglets Thu 16-May-19 18:37:55

Leave your partner to manage his relationship with his mother. You focus on being a mother to your own child. When you assert your boundary and learn to tune out her bullshit you will be happy.

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