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Is this a red flag?

(9 Posts)
Scarlettmaid Fri 17-May-19 09:40:32

I have been married ten years to a man who, until we got together when he was 28, had never been with anyone longer than six weeks. Never mind 18 months. Not a problem at all. On the other hand, I was 23 and I had been in disastrous, sometimes abusive, longer term relationships before him. If anything, I think his past is healthier than mine to be honest.

EmptyChairsEmptyTables Fri 17-May-19 00:39:42

Thanks all. There have been a few other things that make me think he’s really unrealistic with relationship expectations and don’t know if I’m overthinking it or not.

DpWm Thu 16-May-19 21:10:22

It's borderline normal for someone just turned 30.
If I were very keen I wouldn't disregard them completely based on their past. They might be ready to grow up now. For the right person.

Windmillwhirl Thu 16-May-19 21:04:53

I'm sure plenty of men played the field until they settlee down. Just because a few people post bad experiences hardly means it is an issue with the majority of men.

At some point the vast majority of men do settle down.

NameChangeNugget Thu 16-May-19 20:13:21

It’ll mean different things to different people.

Settling down and a life full of kids, Ikea shopping trips and Volvo’s would be a lot of people’s idea of hell.

ChristmasFluff Thu 16-May-19 17:12:51

The best predictor of future behaviour is previous behaviour. He's at the very least a late developer, and more likely has weird ideas about sex and relationships.

It's a pass for me - and I'd not be worried at any massive dripfeed of how OP has been happily married to such a specimen for x amount of years, since there plenty more fish in the sea. And swimming is a solo activity anyway.

DesperadoDan Thu 16-May-19 09:51:25

In my opinion yes it is a red flag, I wouldn’t not date them but I would be wary. I’d think maybe they were emotionally unavailable so I’d make sure to keep my feelings in check.
Ex was 33 with a string of one night stands behind him, his only long term relationship before me was 14 months, he quite frankly didn’t have a clue how to have a relationship, he was a total commitment phobe, very immature (constant smutty remarks about everything, think testosterone fuelled teenage boy attitude to women) and for the last 2 years abusive.
I’d tread carefully.

tootruetoyou Thu 16-May-19 09:36:31

No. Loads of people but especially men have this history. It is how he (if it is a he) has treated these people that is a bigger indicator of character. My relationship history looked pretty gooey but l met my partner when l was 36 and have been together for 15 years.

EmptyChairsEmptyTables Thu 16-May-19 09:17:32

If someone has reached their early 30s and had countless one night stands and short flings (none longer than two months but usually infatuations that last a few weeks) and no relationships longer that about 18 months, would that be a red flag for you about their ability to settle down?

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