Talk

Advanced search

Is this a red flag?

(9 Posts)
EmptyChairsEmptyTables Thu 16-May-19 09:17:32

If someone has reached their early 30s and had countless one night stands and short flings (none longer than two months but usually infatuations that last a few weeks) and no relationships longer that about 18 months, would that be a red flag for you about their ability to settle down?

Interested in views.

tootruetoyou Thu 16-May-19 09:36:31

No. Loads of people but especially men have this history. It is how he (if it is a he) has treated these people that is a bigger indicator of character. My relationship history looked pretty gooey but l met my partner when l was 36 and have been together for 15 years.

DesperadoDan Thu 16-May-19 09:51:25

In my opinion yes it is a red flag, I wouldn’t not date them but I would be wary. I’d think maybe they were emotionally unavailable so I’d make sure to keep my feelings in check.
Ex was 33 with a string of one night stands behind him, his only long term relationship before me was 14 months, he quite frankly didn’t have a clue how to have a relationship, he was a total commitment phobe, very immature (constant smutty remarks about everything, think testosterone fuelled teenage boy attitude to women) and for the last 2 years abusive.
I’d tread carefully.

ChristmasFluff Thu 16-May-19 17:12:51

The best predictor of future behaviour is previous behaviour. He's at the very least a late developer, and more likely has weird ideas about sex and relationships.

It's a pass for me - and I'd not be worried at any massive dripfeed of how OP has been happily married to such a specimen for x amount of years, since there plenty more fish in the sea. And swimming is a solo activity anyway.

NameChangeNugget Thu 16-May-19 20:13:21

It’ll mean different things to different people.

Settling down and a life full of kids, Ikea shopping trips and Volvo’s would be a lot of people’s idea of hell.

Windmillwhirl Thu 16-May-19 21:04:53

I'm sure plenty of men played the field until they settlee down. Just because a few people post bad experiences hardly means it is an issue with the majority of men.

At some point the vast majority of men do settle down.

DpWm Thu 16-May-19 21:10:22

It's borderline normal for someone just turned 30.
If I were very keen I wouldn't disregard them completely based on their past. They might be ready to grow up now. For the right person.

EmptyChairsEmptyTables Fri 17-May-19 00:39:42

Thanks all. There have been a few other things that make me think he’s really unrealistic with relationship expectations and don’t know if I’m overthinking it or not.

Scarlettmaid Fri 17-May-19 09:40:32

I have been married ten years to a man who, until we got together when he was 28, had never been with anyone longer than six weeks. Never mind 18 months. Not a problem at all. On the other hand, I was 23 and I had been in disastrous, sometimes abusive, longer term relationships before him. If anything, I think his past is healthier than mine to be honest.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: