He has had her as a friend since they were both 16. He and I recently got together, 1yr relationship, known each other 2yrs.
So, tonight he’s in kitchen washing up and her name flashes up on his phone, a text. So I ask him the code to his phone as his ‘girlfriend’ has text (my ongoing joke name for her). He gives me a code but it doesn’t work - he’s given me the wrong code. He admits this. I say why give me wrong code? He says first it’s a joke then because he doesn’t want me seeing what he’s been searching for, a present for me apparently (😂). I shout ‘you b*** liar!’ Because I know he’s saying this as a cover - unfortunately he has a small issue with bending the truth somewhat.
Anyway, I go upstairs and he follows and starts sucking up mentioning engagement rings and the like. He says he doesn’t text her as much as he used to out of respect for me.
I end up saying I’m not happy about how you seem to not want me on your phone and I want to see your phone.
So we go back downstairs and he tries to distract me from his phone with cheesecake. Anyway I get the phone and demand he tells me the code and he types it in. So I look at the messages between them.
From her they are mainly responses to his questioning. She puts a single kiss at the end of her texts.
From him however the kind of thing that is said is:
You ok today my lovely xxx
You take it easy gorgeous one xxx
And similar texts of the like. There are not that many texts between them, about 5-10 a day. He seems to be the one that instigates the texting. (He can be a prolific texter and flirt sending up to about 50 texts daily - we used to do this before living together).
I ended up saying to him that I’m not comfortable with the flirty tone of the messages he is sending her. He says he’s like that with everyone and to be fair he does call everyone darling, lovely etc.
He accused me of being like his X who also had a problem with this women (way before I knew him) when she apparently discovered unscrupulous texts between them, accused him of having an affair, and consequently broke up her own friendship with the woman.
Also in his defence he says:
- she’s been going thru a rough time (poor health etc). I’ve heard that one before! From a previous boyfriend.
- he would be fine about it if I had a male best friend who I’d known for 15 years and text him in the same way
- if he was going to try and be with her he would have done it by now
- he denies fancying her but admits that if anyone saw the messages they’d think he was trying it on but get this, he’s actually not!
In my opinion, if he really wants to show respect for me and her partner for that matter (who he is mates with) he should tone down the flirtatious nature of the texts.
What really grates on me is how he describes her as his ‘best friend’ who has always been there for him
and would be there for him if anything happened between us I.e. break up or major relationship issues. He’s said to me he loves her before (but then as a friend), and loves me too well aren’t I the lucky one!?
Sigh. If you got to the end well done and I’d appreciate any feedback or advice xx