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Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

(1000 Posts)
DaffoDeffo Wed 15-May-19 19:52:47

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

HairyArsedMan Thu 23-May-19 08:02:12

@Sunshineandflipflops I consider myself normal. Never asked anyone to send me pics. I can see what they look like from profile pics.

To the thread - does it happen a lot and do you oblige ? Do you ask the same of guys ?

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 08:06:53

I've sometimes been asked...I guess I understand where people are coming from especially if they've maybe had a few experiences of investing in texting and arranging dates and the person doesnt look at all like their pics

Eesha Thu 23-May-19 08:07:20

@HairyArsedMan don't think anyone has asked to see my pics at that point in time. I've offered a spontaneous pic if we moved to whatsapp though.

What do people think of Guardian Soulmates these days? Worth joining?

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 08:08:29

We’re on WhatsApp now.

CocoKoko123 Thu 23-May-19 08:13:08

super end stages - need it to properly be over so I can stop wasting my time.we had plans over next month but guess they'll have to be cancelled unless he's happy to go as friends.got some child free time coming up but as much as I would want to put myself out there I'm also loathe to be back on the apps!

Notcoolmum Thu 23-May-19 08:16:23

supercali do you think you need to go NC with him or have you got questions you still want answered? Was it you that deleted all your conversations? I can't imagine feeling strong enough to do that. All the photos we have sent each other and the chats we have had 😢

lifegoes Thu 23-May-19 08:17:43

Isn't the worst thing in life the fact that you will help and support others, always.

But no matter how much you cry out for help or support, not one person is there for you or try's to give you support.

Notcoolmum Thu 23-May-19 08:18:51

eesha I'm not sure I see the point in sites other than Tinder and Bumble these days. When I was on GSM years ago I'd see the same faces on the free sites anyway. I don't want to do POF as I can't bear being contacted by people I have no interest in.

Notcoolmum Thu 23-May-19 08:19:44

Sorry you feel like that lifegoes. I've appreciated your support and happy to support you x

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 08:21:32

@CocoKoko123 MrSAS and I had plans to go to a gig on London and stay over in a couple of weeks. When we ended things he asked if I’d still like to go as friends but I know me and that would just delay the healing process for me, so I declined.

I know what you mean about being back on the apps. I went back on to distract myself from him and have now got talking to someone but my heart isn’t in it.

JeSuisPrest Thu 23-May-19 08:24:58

@Notcoolmum One way of avoiding a lot of unwanted messages on POF is to keep your profile hidden then mark whoever catches your eye as a favourite - wait for them to contact you. Unlike Tinder you can still view people even if your profile is hidden. If you're really keen send them a message first in case they don't checked who has "favoirited" them. I found this a much better way of doing it that keeping my profile public and getting all of the "hey pretty lady" messages... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Crustaceans Thu 23-May-19 08:25:41

What’s your plan for getting closure, @CocoKoko123?

@Eesha my friend (in london) met her now husband on GS. But it’s total tumbleweeds up here. And the couple of profiles there were, were... verbose and a bit worthy really.

I’d assume that being asked for a photo now means something thinks your photos are misleading/old. Or that they’ve experienced this in the past and just want to check.

MrSG had short hair in all his photos but had been growing it. We had a conversation about his longer hair (actually he asked how I felt about it, and offered to get a hair cut 😂). I got him to send me a selfie showing his hair (only because he was making such a fuss about it). Then I told him that he looked great (he did/does) and that it’s definitely up to him what he does with his own hair. 😂

CassettesAreCool Thu 23-May-19 08:55:36

Only one guy has asked me for a ‘today’ pic, a full-length one as my profile didn’t have one. I sent a new selfie (clothed, obvs) but I felt resentful, like I was a piece of meat and he was bossing me around and questioning my integrity. He responded positively but for me the damage was done. I’ve never been asked again. WYSIWYG until the first date and I get to choose both, as does he.

Notcoolmum Thu 23-May-19 08:56:43

jesuis I'm happy to avoid POF. Unless that's where you met Mr C??

I went on Bumble. Chatted to someone who seemed nice. Is looking for his soulmate. Thinks life is too short to settle for less. He asked to swap numbers and I felt guilty that a) things haven't actually finished yet and I was just dipping my toes in to see if there were still interesting looking men who might be interested in me and b) not fair to waste the time of someone who seemed to be seriously looking and involving them in my head fuckery. So I said my goodbyes and came back off. He said he'd like to talk to me again when I decide the time is right to get back on.

I just want the one I like to like me back in the same way. Too much to ask?! It would seem so!!

StealthNinjaMum Thu 23-May-19 09:16:57

sunshineandflipflops mr runner asked for another photo of me before our first date and I sent one. My other irons have said it's common for women to put old photos of them three stone lighter on their profile pics so I assumed he wanted to check I hadn't done that.

StealthNinjaMum Thu 23-May-19 09:17:55

Cross posted hadn't seen page 39

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 09:18:22

I took a photo and sent it and have heard nothing back (he's seen it). Fair enough as not sure I actually fancy him anyway but I really don't look any different to my Tinder photos!
@CassettesAreCool thats bit how I felt - like he was weighing me up and deciding whether I pass his test. Surely you do that before swiping right on someone?!

supercali77 Thu 23-May-19 09:19:01

@CocoKoko123 Yep, I know that feeling. We had plans over next month too (hotel for my birthday). Do you reckon you could actually be freinds soon after a breakup?

@Notcoolmum Yep I need to go NC. I had to delete precisely because I do have questions but I know none of the answers will give me closure. Also, trying to make sense of a person who's so OTT about their feelings for me one minute and then the opposite or evasive the next? I don't have any fondness for it.

@lifegoes We're here for you life, virtually! Thinking, if you or anyone wants to do a whatsApp group - PM me. it's easier for me. But either way - flowerscake for you mate

CocoKoko123 Thu 23-May-19 09:19:42

life I feel your pain - that's exactly how I feel too

crustaceans I don't know yet.guess I just need to rip the bandaid off!

lifegoes Thu 23-May-19 09:19:53

Thanks @Notcoolmum I didn't mean you at all. Just IRL.

I've been feeling really low and lonely now for a week, I just can't shake it off. I'm doing everything I can to keep busy and get back into OLD but nobody I see on there or speak to is doing anything for me.

Which in turn is really making me think about my last two Ex's and even though they were no good for me and treated me bad. I can't help but think I just want them back. (I know it's just to fill the void)

I feel so worthless and low right now, and just hate the fact that no matter what I do. I'm going to be alone the rest of my life and that hurts. Really hurts.

StealthNinjaMum Thu 23-May-19 09:20:57

lifegoes that makes me sad. Is that you're just wanting support from men or friends in general? I wish I could help flowers

lifegoes Thu 23-May-19 09:21:19

Thank you @supercali77 and @CocoKoko123 you lot are going to make me cry. All of you on here are always so lovely to me and supportive. Thank you.

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 09:21:53

I don't have any full length photos on Tinder but that's because I don't really have any (difficult to get full length pics of yourself!). I also don't particularly like seeing pictures of myself full length as although I'm not big, I would like to be a stone or so lighter (as most of us would) and I just rip myself apart so don't take them.

I'm going on holiday on saturday so maybe i'll have some ok photos after that to add to my profile.

lifegoes Thu 23-May-19 09:23:22

@StealthNinjaMum it's strange I've never wanted or needed a man. But I'm watching my friends be so busy with holidays/weekends away with their husbands. My son is away all the time with his GF.

I just want to feel wanted by someone I guess.

Sunshineandflipflops Thu 23-May-19 09:31:02

We should have a dating thread girls night out!

All my friends are married/settled too and busy doing their own thing, which is fine as I was too until 18 months ago. Most of the time I am ok being single but I do miss that connection with someone and feeling like you're being thought about.

I don't think OLD is going to give me what I'm looking for but the alternative seems to be to give up looking.

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