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Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

(1000 Posts)
DaffoDeffo Wed 15-May-19 19:52:47

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

lifegoes Wed 15-May-19 21:37:12

@30somethingandsingle how long ago did you send it?

I don't see what you've done wrong?! You are being honest about how you feel. Why is that bad?

ccgirr Wed 15-May-19 21:41:35

30something- oh I thought you just have had it out. He might be thinking about how to reassure you? How long ago?

Crustaceans Wed 15-May-19 21:43:59

He might be giving his reply some thought, @30somethingandsingle.

30somethingandsingle Wed 15-May-19 21:45:58

Well it was a bit more direct than that, and really I totally have the feels for him, I wanted to ask where he saw us heading. I can live with the different communication (he's totally laid back, probably the opposite to me) if I just knew how he was feeling about things. I've had a few glasses of wine, definitely shouldn't have done this tonight.

47 minutes ago- to be precise!

30somethingandsingle Wed 15-May-19 21:47:54

And he always replies straight away normally. Or last time I had a meltdown he phoned me straight away 😏

Lillyrose19 Wed 15-May-19 21:49:21

30something he may just be thinking of what to reply.

Thanks to those who commented on my thread the other day. So my very laid back Larry who hasn’t a clue with women didn’t message me for two days 😳. I text and asked if he was still alive and boom straight back to texting me again. I asked if he minded me texting and that I felt it was me doing all the messaging and arranging meet ups and he said he’s happy for me to keep on suggesting them. I then jokingly said that as much as he makes me feel amazing by not texting in days and not taking initiative to arrange seeing each other he should try it too! He replied good point, duely noted! I clearly just need to keep nudging him and stop my mind from making up all kinds of crazy shit!!xx

DaffoDeffo Wed 15-May-19 21:49:45

30 it also might have been sparked by him cancelling a date which has made you feel insecure? I must admit MrFlakey used to make me feel the way in your post and I hated it. And I just don't think he was that into me (and tbh looking back, I made myself too available for him if that makes sense).

I think how he replies will say a lot. If he is reassuring then I would take a deep breath. If he isn't, I would have a big think as I tolerated exactly this situation for far too long in all honesty.

kermitrulesok Wed 15-May-19 21:54:55

@vwman that profile defo needs toning down! I thought you came across as arrogant. @30somethingandsingle I think sometimes you have to be honest...I've had it out with an iron who disappeared when he has his kids (I posted about it on here) and he's been more considerate about it.

I've just matched with someone on bumble and his first message has said you're a very beautiful woman do I a) run away screaming or b) say thank you and start chatting?

Ant330 Wed 15-May-19 22:05:05

Checking in to new thread feeling slightly disgruntled that I've never ever been asked about anal 😕
30 it's not self sabotage if it's not working for you 😉 that's just being honest.
I feel like I'm slipping off the smitten bench if I'm honest, starting to feel a bit bored.
I'm not going to make any kneejerk decisions because I've been up to my eyes at work for a deadline that finished today, coupled with a stinking cold since the weekend, so not at my best.
Last couple of times we've met it's just felt a bit flat.
I might be reading too much into stuff but I know what I'm like, I don't tend to change my mind.
Anyway didn't stay over tonight as I've got an early start tomorrow, but I think a couple of weeks ago I'd have stayed and got up half an hour earlier.
What a difference a week makes!

30somethingandsingle Wed 15-May-19 22:17:14

He wrote a long reply admitting that he is shit at communication with everyone but that he will try harder if that's what I want.
He also said that he is enjoying our relaxed, no pressure dating as he thinks that is helping us to get to know each other better before either of us get in to deep.
I see his point. I'm not sure how I feel about it though.
I think I want more.

30somethingandsingle Wed 15-May-19 22:19:59

Sorry to hear you are slipping @Ant330 hopefully it's just a blip as you have been busy- you seemed totally smitten a week ago!

Notcoolmum Wed 15-May-19 22:21:08

30something you said what you need to. Don’t feel bad about that.

Oh ant that’s a quick turnaround. What do you think has caused the change. Do you think it’s mutual?

ccgirr Wed 15-May-19 22:21:27

Any- you are spot on! A week in OLD is a lifetime 🤦🏻‍♀️

shitwithsugaron Wed 15-May-19 22:21:57

Oh no Ant! What are you going to do? It all seemed so promising for you!

30 you're entitled to say what you want (and so is he) so be honest with him. Have you any idea what exactly you want him to do differently? I'm sorry, I did read your post on previous thread but have forgotten what you said confused

lifegoes Wed 15-May-19 22:22:01

@30somethingandsingle

Can I be honest, I think he sounds nice and is very reassuring to you. It's understandable that he may not want to rush into things just yet, it's also ok to see how things go.

BUT and this is the BUT! You don't seem happy with it, I think you really like him and rather than considering what you actually want or how you feel. You are too busy thinking about saying the wrong things that may mean you lose him.

That's not healthy, maybe you need to pull away from him. So you can decide what do YOU want. HOW do you want your relationship to be

Crustaceans Wed 15-May-19 22:23:16

I think a face to face chat might help there. You might have to just put your cards on the table and see what happens.

lifegoes Wed 15-May-19 22:23:36

Oh and @30somethingandsingle when I say wrong things (you think they are wrong) but it's actually how you feel. Feelings aren't wrong, they are real.

Ant330 Wed 15-May-19 22:43:13

Yep it's a quick turnaround, less than a week as I was a happy chappy last Thursday after we'd been away for the night.
There's a few things that have niggled at me recently, and tbh I'm not sure if I'm just focusing on them because I'm tired and not my usual self.
notcool no I don't think it's mutual, but she did ask me if everything was ok yesterday as I've apparently been a bit quiet this week.
But no kneejerk reactions, I'll see how the weekend pans out when I should be feeling fine again. We're seeing each other Sunday so we'll see...

30somethingandsingle Wed 15-May-19 22:43:29

Thanks everyone.

I think I want more in terms of wanting to feel like he wants to see me, that he's really looking forward to spending time together, I want to feel like I am on his mind a lot and more of a priority than I feel I am. This is so hard as until I met him, all I was looking for was fb/fwb's so for me to want 'more' is unexpected really.

Those that are saying I'm entitled to feel what I do- you're right. I have a lot of issues from me stbxh where he made my feelings feel wrong, so now I am forever doubting myself.
I think I will wait until I see him on Saturday and lay my cards on the table. It's just so hard as when I am actually with him it is fantastic- I can't fault him at all.

Notcoolmum Wed 15-May-19 22:56:21

Blimey ant and 30something there must be something in the air tonight. I’m also questioning things with Mr S. I don’t think he’s really in this with me and it might be time to call things to a close. I’m going to sleep on it.

NestOfSwipers Wed 15-May-19 23:01:08

I could cry, my daughter came in to ask me to look at an email and I've lost the post I was typing. Basically 30somethingandsingle and Ant330 have come back and said what I hoped they would while I fought with my phone! 😊

vwman if I see a "try hard" profile, I'm out of there. And also men who make out they're the life and soul of the party types, or are soooo whacky. No. Just no.

NestOfSwipers Wed 15-May-19 23:05:16

Well, I broke the four and a half month date drought. Spent a pleasant enough two hours with Mr Swiss. I think he's keen, but more a slow burner for me. Not sure. But not a definite no. We chatted plenty and it was equally matched but I don't know if I felt it flowed well enough. Arggh!

CocoKoko123 Wed 15-May-19 23:36:10

ant 30 and not I'll join you on the not feeling it bench!not sure what I'm doing tbh.the thing I thought may be an issue I'm still thinking is/will be an issue. Like others am going to sleep on it - few days until plans to meet again.argh!

I just can't be arsed with all this OLD rubbish! Just want to meet the right person and live happily ever after lol.

And great news rich

CocoKoko123 Wed 15-May-19 23:37:01

And well done nest for breaking the drought - if I'm ever not sure but know it's not a definite no I always tend to give a second date and reassess my feelings after that

CocoKoko123 Wed 15-May-19 23:38:41

ant 30 and not I'll join you on the not feeling it bench!not sure what I'm doing tbh.the thing I thought may be an issue I'm still thinking is/will be an issue. Like others am going to sleep on it - few days until plans to meet again.argh!

I just can't be arsed with all this OLD rubbish! Just want to meet the right person and live happily ever after lol.

And great news rich

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