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MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

(862 Posts)
Reynolds1212 Wed 15-May-19 18:46:42

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

Loopytiles Wed 15-May-19 19:00:09


Lifeisabeach09 Wed 15-May-19 19:01:09

You are letting take the piss!
Stop being a mug and kick him out.

Boysey45 Wed 15-May-19 19:01:16

You need to tell him hes leaving now and he can go to his Mums or a Travelodge or something. Hes bleeding you totally dry my love. He should be paying half of all outgoings not £70.00! bin him off.

Lifeisabeach09 Wed 15-May-19 19:01:23


thisisthetime Wed 15-May-19 19:01:25

My first LTB.

Bookworm4 Wed 15-May-19 19:01:37

Dear God that's disgraceful, why have you put up with this? He's earning £3000+ and is giving you £280 and thinks that covers everything? There's something amiss with him if he see you scrape by and he treats himself, the petrol money is beyond the pale. Tell him to use his savings for his new flat that he's moving into on Friday!!

Coffeeonthesofa Wed 15-May-19 19:01:45

He’s not a partner in any sense of the word, not paying a fair share, watching you struggle for money, not helping when your child is in hospital, never treating you even though he has more disposable income.
£70 a week to cover everything when he’s earning a decent wage that is “board level” money that a working teenager might contribute at home. He must be saving heaps of money, after 6 years more than enough for a deposit I would say, once he has enough I bet you won’t see him for dust, and you are enabling him to do so.
Get rid, if you have space get a lodger, they would pay you more and probably would be kinder to you.

KittiKat Wed 15-May-19 19:02:08

Did you know that you can have a lodger paying £144.23 per week without paying tax? See, told you he was onto a good deal.

slipperywhensparticus Wed 15-May-19 19:02:35

He is getting a discount on his csa bill because he lives with you and your children would you be entitled to tax credits without him?

Janus Wed 15-May-19 19:03:44

Absolutely sod that! My god the council tax deduction for one adult in the house would more or less cover his measly £70 a week, let alone other benefits you’d be entitled to as a single mother, food billl, less usage on gas, electricity, etc. I wouldn’t even let him begin to offer you more, eg £100 a week. It’s half or nothing on all bills, he’d still be able to save a fortune. But I couldn’t get past that he’s made you beg for the odd £10 when he’s so well off, horrible man.

Reynolds1212 Wed 15-May-19 19:04:45

It is a real post and I know I’m being an idiot I’ve just got used to it but I spoke to my friend at work and she was like it should be half and he’s taking the piss etc and it’s made me think.

Shouldbedoing Wed 15-May-19 19:04:56

I've only read the first page but he's costing you tax credits /single person discount on council tax etc because the state assumes that living as a family you share income

Iwantacookie Wed 15-May-19 19:05:25

He hasn't taken your dc on as his own. You come as a package. Dump him and find a real man whose prepared to support you and actually wants to.

squiglet111 Wed 15-May-19 19:07:06

You don't do his washing and cook his meals too do you?

If you do, you really need to get rid!

BurnedToast Wed 15-May-19 19:07:35

I can't imagine there is any point to you being in this relationship.

RandomMess Wed 15-May-19 19:08:19

Half of his £70 minimum will go on food for him, extra utilities and so on angry

He is costing you money rather than contributing!!

thegreatcrestednewt Wed 15-May-19 19:09:03


He's supposed to love you. He's taking you for granted, the tight-fisted cocklodger.

wishingforapositiveyear Wed 15-May-19 19:09:31

That is an utterly insulting amount , leave him now you'd be better off financially and emotionally.

Bookworm4 Wed 15-May-19 19:09:39

He has other good qualities
No, no he has none, he's keeping you in poverty, resents your kids, gaslighting you, controls you, there's no good. Pack his bag and change the locks.

Kazzz65 Wed 15-May-19 19:10:46

Tell him to move out, he wouldn't get a room for £100 a week let alone food thrown in!!

Reynolds1212 Wed 15-May-19 19:11:01

Yeah he doesn’t get for the kids at Xmas I have to get it all he buys for his own children which has never sat right with me but says it’s off us both to all the kids I used to buy for his but stopped when he didn’t get anything for mine. My wage is ok but it’s hard still he keeps bringing up my £1400 saving I have when I say I have no money but I have to keep that for emergency if something broke or if my car broke so I never touch it and regret telling him I had it I just feel really resentful now that he never has to worry about getting to them end of the month and I just literally get to the end of the month

DeRigueurMortis Wed 15-May-19 19:11:13

He's not tight, he's a financial vampire.

You know you'd be better off without him don't you?

£70 is nothing. You'd save far more (council tax, food etc) if he wasn't living with you.

I'll bet he eats £70 in food - he's living rent and utility bill free whilst watching you struggle.

He's not got any redeeming qualities. He's a selfish prick whose using you.

Kick him out and as other posters have said he can see exactly what life £70 a week buys him (thought doubtless he'll find the money when pressed to find his own lifestyle).

Oh and he's not saving for a mortgage btw. After 6 years you're not married, he is still sponging of you and expecting petrol money.

The good news is that it seems you're in control of the rent and it's your home.

Find some bin bags, throw his stuff in them and kick them and him in the gutter where he belongs.

Thankssomuch Wed 15-May-19 19:11:40

He is taking the piss. I’m sorry, but you’re letting him. He must be putting stacks away for his future!

Giraffey1 Wed 15-May-19 19:11:59

He doesn’t sound kind, caring or responsible. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. It’s not a partnership you’ve got ....

squiglet111 Wed 15-May-19 19:14:05

What are you gonna do OP?

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