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MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

(862 Posts)
Reynolds1212 Wed 15-May-19 18:46:42

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

Closetbeanmuncher Wed 15-May-19 18:49:08

Wow!!

Hes a selfish cocklodger, bin him off ASAP

maslinpan Wed 15-May-19 18:49:16

He is a dead weight. I would dump him immediately for asking for fuel money to go to hospital, the rest of it is shocking enough.

Jojoanna Wed 15-May-19 18:49:57

I would tell him to move out ,

PickAChew Wed 15-May-19 18:51:20

I could just about see arguments either way for the amount he gives for his lodging but begrudging you a lift to hospital is just plain callous.

I wouldn't want a man under my roof who so plainly resented my kids.

EKGEMS Wed 15-May-19 18:52:08

Tell him to get the fuck out and go see if 70 measly pounds will get him very far

Ragwort Wed 15-May-19 18:52:19

Dump him NOW.

I’ve heard some awful things on Mumsnet over the years but to ask your partner for petrol money to get you to hospital is shocking.

What on Earth do you get from this relationship?

TheQueef Wed 15-May-19 18:52:37

I've known some tight fellas over the years but this is too much.
Either he is fleecing you with his savings and intends to leave with his next egg or he's a blatant cocklodger.

fedup21 Wed 15-May-19 18:52:41

If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here

What would he have to pay if he lived on his own!!??

He’s being a twat-he is saving money whilst you pay for everything and will be laughing when you (and you will) split up.

Purpleartichoke Wed 15-May-19 18:52:46

He expects 70 a week to cover all his living expenses? That is ridiculous.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 15-May-19 18:52:56

Obviously get rid of him.

Give him a list of half of rent/gas/electric/council tax/insurance/broadband/FOOD/toiletries/cleaning products.

Email it to him (don't talk to him). Say he owes half.

When he doesn't pay kick him out.

Bet he doesn't and starts weaselling and offers you £200 hmm

COCKLODGER

Closetbeanmuncher Wed 15-May-19 18:53:32

I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money

This bit in particular....horrid 😮

Paddingtonthebear Wed 15-May-19 18:53:51

Is this real? confused

Yes he is very tight. No it’s not normal. He is selfish and he is taking advantage of you. £70 a week is pathetic. Sounds like he is paying bare minimum towards his kids too. I would bet he is very resentful towards woman.

Asking for petrol money to enable you to see your ill son in hospital is disgusting. Have some respect for yourself and get rid of him. He is bleeding you dry and cares nothing about your happiness. He will never change.

ILoveMaxiBondi Wed 15-May-19 18:54:14

If he’s paying £60 a week CSA then he’s either lying to his ex or you about how much he earns.

VictoriaBun Wed 15-May-19 18:55:52

There is not a chance in hell I would put up with that ! £280 a month for all food, bills,heating,council tax , comforts of a nice home. Are you mad ? He earns a decent amount. I'm sorry but he is taking the piss.

Bodear Wed 15-May-19 18:55:59

OP he sounds awful!! Surely you’ll actually be better off if he moves out (lower bills, smaller food shop)? He is really mean and petty.

Mintandthyme Wed 15-May-19 18:56:19

No it’s not normal
Please take steps to get him out of your lives.
Are your children aware of the issues between you? Do they hear him being nasty about them ?

Oblomov19 Wed 15-May-19 18:56:58

No that's not normal. Being tight with money is a very unattractive quality.

But he's more than that. He's a waste of space. A user.

Heymummee Wed 15-May-19 18:57:52

Jesus wept.

Either he realises what he’s doing and doesn’t care, or he doesn’t realise and he’s a fucking idiot.

He surely knew you had children when you started a relationship. When my mum met my stepdad I was 13, I also have 2 siblings, he wouldn't dream of seeing my mum suffer whilst claiming we aren’t his children so it’s tough. You’re a partnership, a family now, he needs to step up and stop living off you. How can he possibly justify this behaviour?

Asking for petrol money would have been the final straw for me.

Tell him to go and take his poxy £70 elsewhere.

KittiKat Wed 15-May-19 18:58:08

WOW! Just WOW! So he is paying you £70 for sex, food, board and lodging. Just WOW!

Definitely get rid of this COCK LODGER NOW!!!

Work out just how much he has cost YOU over the past 6 years. He is most definitely on the best deal ever.

Reynolds1212 Wed 15-May-19 18:58:40

I did go mental when he asked for petrol money but he backtracked and offered to take me but said he was waiting to be paid and said I was being a mental cow and switched it all around onto me. I’ve just had enough now of it all I don’t think paying me a board like he does is good enough I’m not his mother its odd his dad does the same to his Mom aswell ive just accepted it but I see other couples splitting house hold bills and stuff and I’m like what am I doing really

Unburnished Wed 15-May-19 18:58:56

What is the point of him? To say youve got a ‘partner?’He isnt one is he, he’s a user.

He’s using you to help him save. I’d get rid of him and get a lodger instead.

Can you ask the CSA to chase your children’s father? He should be paying for them.

3brightstars3 Wed 15-May-19 18:58:58

And you actually call him a partner ?

You need to decide if you want to be with a man like this, I wouldn't of ever let him move in.

Relationships are not about 50:50 or equal splits but sharing so you all benefit.

When I met my husband I was a student with about 17k of debt, I worked part time but he supported us in his low way of £13k (yes this was 20 years ago). Together we paid of my debts, bought a house, and I now earn £50k to his lesser wage but it doesn't matter, everything we have is for us as a family. We are in it together for better or worse

Mrsbclinton Wed 15-May-19 18:59:00

He is getting a really good deal there!

You list every single house hold bill and work out half, he starts paying half immediately or he moves out.

If he says you would have to pay it all if he wasnt there, point out he too would have to pay way more if he was renting on his own.

He sounds so tight fisted and miserable and is taking advantage of the situation.

squiglet111 Wed 15-May-19 18:59:40

Kick him out. He would have to pay far more to rent his own places, pay his own bills and buy his food. The money he gives probably doesn't cover everything he uses. You will be no worse off if he leaves...

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